Pls help me..I could use some advice… I self harmed yesterday even after telling myself not to but the mental pain was so much i had to feel some kind of physical pain to distract myself. I have soocd or so i think and i watched a movie yesterday about lavender marriage I didn't want to cause i knew it would be triggering for me but my friend wanted to so i went with him to watch it and i was right it was extremely triggering for me the parents in the end except their children which made me think what if this is the reason i am pretending to have ocd if my parents act like this will i?!? I don't understand the thoughts the entire Igbta+ community in the movie made me think is this what i am scared of they came out to their parents and i was like do i have to too?!? And then i was like why am i having these thoughts i know this is ocd or is it?!? I came home i was much calmer but I couldn't stop thinking today morning while doing online shopping i saw a model and i just started staring and i was like i am not staring at the clothes but the model was i?!? If i was then what?! Even in the movie the lesbian girl had a girlfriend who got married to a guy and had kids what does that say then?!? And also they showed scenes where their hands touched and stuff what if that happens to me and if its a considered possibility then all could be possible and why would i think so?!? I thought of writing it down yesterday only and posting it but then I didn't was it because i was not panicking and i was not actually if it is ocd I should have instantly written and posted it right?!? But I didn't i came home and I didn't write it so i feel like all this is fake and just denial and it feels so strong and true in the end of the movie i was crying cause i felt like i was lying and didn't know who i was and questioning my entire life and existence how is all of this still ocd?!? Was i relating to the movie was i okay with all this am i faking all this panic shit and i am only scared and i know how ocd works so i just post instantly but yesterday I didn't so does that means its not ocd?!? And even while writing all this i am faking it writing the word faking while knowing all this ocd is a cover up cause this feels too much of a possibility and real what do i do ?!? Pls help me.. is this even ocd anymore will i be okay with the answers to my questions ever?!? Is coming out something my therapist will tell me and would i be okay with it if my therapist says this is not ocd and tells me to come to some kind of terms why am i not shaking while writing all this cause i should be scared but am i... should i get therapy is this even ocd?!?

Sexual Orientation OCD

leham

Date posted: 3y

i so wish there would be clear cut answers to all of these questions for you. i know you’re panicking right now, i was feeling okay but i got super anxious earlier too. what we’re both going to have to do is stop leaning into the questions, back up, and breathe. and that’s going to feel like we are being weak, and in denial, and avoiding a truth, and just prolonging something inevitable, but that’s the language of anxiety. that’s the language that anxiety has to use to rope us back in. but we’re trying to feel stable, not anxious, so we have to do our best to back away from the questions and be still. and believe we will be okay right now. the only moment we have is right now so we have to be present here, and know that we are safe❤️

Brave through

Date posted: 3y

I dont know how to help myself its too much i saw this one girl in a video after a long time and even when earlier i had seen found hercpretty and noticed and even this time too and didn't think much of it but did i notice her like i notice good looking at boys and get this like giddy feeling did that happen?!? What if it did?!! What would that mean?!! Thats exactly proof right of me having thoughts about being bi not denial or did ocd make me think like that but what if i only take the excuse of ocd cause iam scared and this is denial and because with the hear of bi its easy to believe it cause i still sometimes feel for guys and find them good looking and if i ever find a girl pretty or something I instantly think it can be true and can it actually!!? There are possibilities and if i am thinking so do i believe so?!? What does all this mean is it even ocd?!? Even a girl on here said that its not so bad being a lesbian and that people are who they fear and i somewhat agreed it to?!? Does that hold true for me too?!? What should i do?!?pls help me?!? Is this even ocd?!?!

leham

Date posted: 3y

the anxiety will probably still be there, but we can cognitively understand that we are safe, at the same time.

Brave through

Date posted: 3y

I don’t know what to think anymore…. Even today i had a dream where i was kissing the same sex and it felt so real like i wanted it and then after waking up i felt no anxiety no fear for a while but then it hit me and i was like do I actually want that?!? What was that?!? Who am i?!! Dreams specify unconscious desire if so does my dream carry a meaning idk what to do?!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond