How do i cope with ocd causing separation anxiety i get these thoughts that’s like scenarios that my mom or grandmother die and stuff and i hate it i tried getting a necklace with my mom picture in it so when i’m not at home ill feel better but it didn’t help. any suggestions?

Advice, coping techniques, just distraction needed. Yesterday night, my parents asked me if I could take care of my baby brother and I’ve been wanting to help them out so of course I said yes, and I was taking care of him with my other brother. A big fear of mine that I’ve told my therapist about is that my OCD will latch on to my new baby brother. It hasn’t happened since he has come home with us, but now I feel like something is brewing. My little brother is prone to throwing up so he already got the shirt He was wearing all dirty so I went to my mom‘s room and decided to change his onesie. I called my other brother for help by helping me sit him up while I put the shirt over his head after the shirt went over his head. My other brother was walking out and that’s when I clipped the buttons on the bottom of the onesie and continued to carry him around the house, but it’s that action that my mind is obsessing over. Me clipping the buttons of my baby brother’s onesie. I can’t get over it. My mind keeps replaying that one thing because my thoughts are saying “oh what if you accidentally inappropriately touched him “ and I even went out of my way to avoid touching his diaper because I knew my head would start spinning shit like this. But ever since last night, I can’t stop thinking if I accidentally traumatized my little brother some how. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve helped my mom change my brother‘s clothes before. My parents literally check his diaper if he soiled himself, but when I do anything that has to do with making sure my brother is clean and healthy my head tries to make me feel sick and crazy. The thoughts are getting worse and getting to the point where my head is trying to make me feel like I’m weird for wanting to change my brother out of his dirty clothes. I’m just so scared that these thoughts are gonna get worse and I’m trying not to freak out right now so I went for a walk outside. But im still getting such intense anxiety. I dont know how to cope or what to do advice coping techniques would be a such a help ive been doing so good with avoiding compulsions. I just need help to ground myself. I dont want to go to my mom with this ill feel worse. Is me writing this a compulsion?

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well! I lost my dad yesterday and me having ocd since I was 7, it just skyrocketed. Yesterday it was difficult for sure, but I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts about self harm. It all happened suddenly when I was half asleep (trying to sleep even though it was really hard), were I feel as if a switch turned on in my brain and out of nowhere I started feeling angry. I recognised at that moment that I was not angry but that’s what my brain was telling me. And that’s when I had an intrusive thought of harming my mom came to my mind and immediately after that came the thought of harming myself. And it stuck. I know grief can make these themes pop up, but what if this is all real and not ocd? I’m scared. I acknowledge I don’t have thoughts in my head of planning to harm myself, it’s just a feeling that this is going to happen. Now letting my thoughts out brings me relief, even sometimes this intrusive thoughts bring me relief (that is very scary), but ocd makes me so pessimistic, and that I’m doomed in life and the sad life my dad had will also be mine as well. There are moments where I feel hope and relief, but it doesn’t last for long. As if I’m so so sure that this is going to happen. And me having magical thinking ocd doesn’t help either. Grief is hard, sometimes I cry, other times I laugh with my friends and family, but those moments I laugh is when I get terrified ( I read people who have made up the decision to (you know) are happy and laugh. Anyways, I’ve talked to my mom about it, she’s super supportive of me restarting therapy and even though she’s struggling with grief, she’s always there to listen to me and give me all the comfort I need. But I informed her about the thoughts the moment the popped up. Just so that she knows and can save me because I don’t trust myself at all. Sorry for this huge rumble, but I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m scared and so not ready to start therapy (at one hand I don’t want to, it feels such a chore, but I know I need to get help). I’m very pessimistic at the moment and I feel no one can convince me that I’ll get better. I think my future life, and it brings me this warm nice feeling and then it is followed by the thought that this will never happen. And because I have magical thinking ocd, and my uni exams have just started, I had this feeling that this exam season will be endless and it’s never going to end. Guess what, I’m probably going to just take one exam out of three (my mind is like you see, this thought and feeling came true) and that’s where I get super pessimistic. Okay, I’ll shut up for now, please give me some advice on how you try to manage your thoughts and what to do for now. Take care ❤️

How to deal with OCD when you’re dissociating and numb and it’s going from ROCD, existential to how you hate yourself, to your whole life story trauma flooding, to retroactive jealousy, to how you never anointed to much, to how it’s hard for you to love people and not scrutinize, to how you never really did much on your own and always needed help and attention, to how you’re scared of death, to how you’re scared of abandonment and being alone, to saying if you don’t fix all these at once you’ll lose your relationship (I have CPTSD and there’s a push pull and I never had a chance to fix it) and I try to control everything. And I realize it. And it’s going on about how adulting is scary. About how I try to work and the. Quit because I’m afraid of opinions. About how I hoard. About how everything in life seems senseless. About how I can’t connect. About how I people please and about how I’m selfish. About how nothing will ever be perfect. I’m not joking when every second of my day is a FLOOD of thoughts and it’s been 46 days like this after one thought I tried to sit with spiraled me into a dissociative shutdown. I’ve had bad OCD all my life but as I got older more and more fears piled up. And my trauma is so bad. And so loud. The OCD is so bad. There’s nothing in life I don’t fear. And everything feels like a threat to me. His past. Him. And how I don’t want anyone else but my brain won’t stop ripping him apart. How “no one” will be good enough for my perfectionistic mind. I truly don’t know how the absolute fuck to get over something this severe. And I have horrific self worth issues. Bad. Like zero self worth. boundaries. Anything. I never had skills. And idk how to explain to my family how bad this OCD is. I run to my mom like a scared child. But even she can’t give me comfort because I’m in hell. And I always wanted people to help me fix things and now that I’m trapped in my own mind I can’t. I’m scared. Shitless.