Anxiety Excess POCD, I can't anymore😢😢HELP, SOS

Today on my way from work to home, I had terrible panic attack, I felt like crying. My heart was like 160 BPM. And of course my thoughts...I want to believe that this is just POCD, as my therapist said, but I can't. I can't because when I'm in public transport, bus, metro, whatever, and a lot of people around, and childs, I can't understand what do I feel...I this is OCD, why it feels so real, why do I look at young girl and feel like I'm might be attracted, or already attracted, or something else. I feel anxiety at moments like this. Sometimes I just wanna stay home and don't go at work, just not to see childs and young girls...I'm 29, had HOCD before, now I'm having this shit and I want to scream. I always loved adult girls and womans, and everything was normal, but now...everyday I wake up with thought: This is not OCD, you becoming pedophile, If that was OCD, you would not feel like this when you look at children. I can't say that I feel real arousal or attraction, but It makes me think like I do. Help.

POCD

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3y

this? If so, use the same technique. Expose yourself to those unwanted thoughts and images while using Response Prevention Messaging. Some examples would be saying to yourself “I may or may not be attracted to children” or “If I’m a pedophile, I could get in trouble.” Sit with the anxiety you feel from this instead of engaging in the compulsion of checking or scanning for arousal. using

PaulR8

Date posted: 3y

I'll try it today. Sometimes I don't even notice that I'm checking myself. Thank you Melanie for advices and help. It's really important for me now. I live in Russia, here is not many good OCD trained specialists, but I found one and currently working with him, but still afraid.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3y

I’m so glad you have found a therapist. Hopefully he is able to do ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). This is the best type of therapy for OCD! Best wishes to you!

george12

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

i am going through this right now dude and i feel like i am dieing inside but i believe in me and you and we can be strong together and resist the compulsive thoughts so am here be strong

george12

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

try to think of tip of your tongue it will help try to fell and focus on

PaulR8

Date posted: 3y

so is this normal to feel like this? I mean, if someone would ask me a month ago: "Do you feel attracted to children?" I'd say: haha definitely no. If someone would ask me now, I'd say: "Oh no, I don't know, I guess I'm not, but I doubt"

PaulR8

Date posted: 3y

doubt because I started to look, to pay attention at all under age persons and check, sometimes I don't even realize that I check

george12

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@PaulR8 i am not gonna give you reassurancethis is not good for you but when u woke up in the morning and have a groinal what tgats supost to mean? you can get from everything with no reason at all i know its hard now but this is a compulsion and try to not pay attention say i dont know and leave there will feel bad it will feel really bad but in time you not gonna notice

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for being willing to share this fear! Sounds like you are experiencing the classic symptoms of POCD. You said you experienced HOCD before. Did you do exposure for

PaulR8

Date posted: 3y

yes, I did, but it was not so scary. I was like: Okay, I'm gay, nice. And after few months I just forgot about HOCD. Now I don't have images, but have sensations and urges when I look at children. Feels like I want it but I don't. And these feelings just confuse me

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