I don’t even know what sexual attraction is anymore. I get turned on when my partner touches me ? I’m actually just responding to sexual stimulus. I want him to want me? I just want his validation. I find his body attractive during intercourse? I’m only thinking it objectively not because I actually it I am turned on during phone stuff? It’s just another reaction to stimulus. I like picturing scenarios with him where he’s written the things he wants to do? I’m just enjoying being wanted since the scenarios were written I like feeling his warmth? I’d like it more with a woman. He smells bad sometimes or his hair itches me a little? That MUST mean I don’t like men. I don’t get instantly aroused seeing him naked?Yup, definitely hate all men. I notice his flaws constantly, and it feels like I’m repulsed by him but I love him with all my being and I want us to have that sexual attraction so much. I cry sometimes because I don’t want to not have that. Also since the beginning of our relationship I have been prone to notice his physical flaws and it makes me so anxious when I do so. I don’t know if it’s ocd or not because 3 months into when we started dating I would cry and obsess because he would send me selfies and I didn’t know if I felt something or not like I expected myself to feel insanely in line when he’d send a simple selfie. And when he’d send body selfies or stuff I didn’t feel anything and I’d obsess but in reality I just struggle to get aroused on visuals alone but I love his body immensely and I’m so happy he sends me those pictures. Then I’d obsess over whether or not I was in love with him and I’d cry and write myself letters about how much I wanted to love him but I couldn’t because of my intrusive thoughts. there are some parts of him I don’t find attractive and he may not be “objectively” attractive but when I’m not feeling scared none of those things matter to me at all and when things are really good I know 100% that I love all of him and his flaws make him even more amazing. It really sucks having this

Sexual Orientation OCD

mostdope42

Date posted: 3y

if it makes you feel any better or less alone/scared, my brain and train of thought works the exact same way! i’ve thought those same things word for word and the “logic” you described is identical to mine. it’s OCD. it’s this annoying conspiracy theorist that lives inside our heads, connecting dots that are so far apart. it’s the thing that reads into every little sensation, feeling, and interaction. it’s OCD, not how we truly feel and not what we truly believe in our hearts.

mostdope42

Date posted: 3y

also, a lot of times our OCD logic chooses to ignore context. for example, maybe we had a really bad day and it was a lot of stress at school/work and we get home and our partner wants to be intimate, but we don’t feel “in the mood”. despite the fact we know we had a bad day or we are under a lot of stress/fatigue, OCD says “no, ignore that. this must mean something deeper, something greater”.

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Hey thanks for making me feel less alone! And you’re definitely right, ocd ignores all logic and context and just connects to our themes when oftentimes there could be various multiple answers for why we may feel a certain way.

mostdope42

Date posted: 3y

TW: also, places like tik tok don’t help. we hear all these explanations of ppl who said they were “comp het” and only wanted male attention/validation, but not actually men themselves? it’s very confusing and extremely triggering bc it makes our brains go wild. soon enough, we don’t even know what attraction is anymore.

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Yes that’s also really triggering to me to because I do struggle with male validation but I still want to be attracted to men. But with comphet my ocd makes me feel like if I struggle with male validation I can’t like men as opposed to those being two intertwined things

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@hocdgirl Yup I wish I knew how to tell

mostdope42

Date posted: 3y

@hocdgirl that’s not something we need to figure out!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond