How can I move past a severe ROCD flare-up in my relationship?

rocd flare up. please help.

hi. i have been dealing with the worst rocd episode to date. i’ve been with an amazing man for almost 2 years. i flirted around and dated one person in high school. i entered my first long term relationship in 2020 when i was 18. I was never the party type. I always liked having a close knit group of friends and having intimate gatherings. two weeks ago i saw a post about how relationships in your 20s dont last and that your 20s are for dating around. that sent me into a spiral and i felt that i had to date around or i was doing something wrong. after tears on both ends he allowed me three months to date around and bate a decision. i tearfully downloaded tinder and swiped left on everyone. i called him back that same night and sobbed begging for us to not do this break thing because i knew that’s not what i really wanted. since then i’ve had days of clarity where I know I don’t want anyone else. when we are together, i feel at peace. but when we’re apart i’m back to spiraling. this is the worst episode i’ve had to date and mind you i’ve had cheating ocd, false memories, and compulsive confessions in the past. I keep giving into the compulsions to look at articles about how young relationships are destined to fail they don’t make me feel good at all. I don’t want reassurance, just want to know how people move past these flare ups. any advice is greatly appreciated please.

Relationship OCD

Username: skymaciasskymacias

Date posted: 2y ago

Honestly, Im in a somewhat similar situation. I feel these intrusive thoughts about cheating that really really bother me and worry me and make me feel horribly anxious and guilty, but these thoughts make us feel this way because they arent compatible with how we actually feel. Its hard not to ruminate on these thoughts especially as someone with OCD, but take a moment to breathe, know that you do love your partner and just focus on that. When you feel the need to give in to a compulsion, set a timer for 30 minutes to an hour and just sit with the anxiety. No compulsions for that time. It starts to create a habit of not letting yourself spiral when you are in the high of anxiety, and letting yourself naturally come back down from a place of high anxiety. You're strong, you got this. Best wishes to you and your partner ❤️

Username: gussywussygussywussy

Date posted: 2y ago

thank you so much. i’m on the verge of tears.

Username: mostdope42mostdope42

Date posted: 2y ago

omg! i am literally just like you. when i was 18, i found the love of my life when i went away to college in 2020. we are also coming up on 2 years together this november. i would also worry and compare myself to what ppl say you “should” be doing when in your 20s/college. i would see all these girls on tik tok bragging about how many guys they get w and how much fun they have. and for context, i had a small party phase in HS where i was hyper sexual and threw myself at any guy who’d take me, so i kinda have experience w that lifestyle. what i realized is that your life is meant to be lived how YOU want to live it. OCD, esp ROCD, makes us think there’s a strict rule book on the right way to think, feel, and go through life. when in reality, we have so much freedom to live how we want to. if other ppl online WANT to date around and be single, great! go ahead. but don’t let their advice or shaming try and make you feel like you’re living your life “wrong” ROCD is so so tough, but i believe that you have it in you to push past it’s doubts that it parrots from outside sources, like tik tok. you’ve got this. 💗💗💗

Username: gussywussygussywussy

Date posted: 2y ago

i want to thank you so much. this was very helpful and i am happy that i am not alone. i start erp with nocd monday. i really want to get past this and continue life with my wonderful partner. congrats on nearly 2 years!

Username: gussywussygussywussy

Date posted: 2y ago

i want to add that, i feel so i love with my partner. so many times i find myself crying because of how much in love i am in with him.

Username: Sake

Date posted: 4y ago

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

Username: ashxfire19

Date posted: 2y ago

Is this ROCD?

Hi all, I just joined this app today after finding its recommendation on reddit so bear with me. The past three weeks of my life has been a living hell. Out of nowhere, I started obsessing about if I need to leave my partner. So let me just say, I love my partner so much, we’ve been together for 1.5 years. The thoughts about leaving him are eating me up and pulling me apart. For three weeks straight now from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, all I can think about is how I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend even though I don’t want to. Nothings changed in our relationship but these thoughts have sent me into a spiral. I’ll spend hours reading articles about staying together and breaking up, having multiple crying meltdowns a day about the thought of losing him and that I don’t love him anymore, and feel like I can’t make this anxiety go away unless we break up (AND I DONT WANT TO AT ALL.) This has given my physical symptoms of nausea, chest ache, stomach issues, and mental symptoms of a pit in my stomach, constant feeling of dread, obsessive thoughts that I can’t stop thinking, and the guilt is unimaginable. I love him and I can’t imagine being with someone else. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this ROCD or am I a bad partner?

Relationship OCD

Username: Chlo_alexis

Date posted: 2y ago

Question

Hey guys I have rocd and I need advise or some words of encouragement When it comes to the feelings of oh I dont love my boyfriend even when I say I do it feels like im lying to myself and it makes me discouraged but I am too numb to fight it Its like my body doesn't want to accept I do Moments when I think oh I want to do something with my boyfriend my brain and feelings shut it down like oh its just going to turn into a routine or nothing he does will make you into him It just makes me depressed and numb because I love my boyfriend a lot, I could not imagine leaving him when I know all I want is him Sometimes my head tells me oh you are too young to have rocd (im 19) or there's always the grass greener on the other Side why settle But I love long term relationships and I want it with him, I chose to date him because it was something about him that was just different and I instantly connected with him We also been together for almost a year (anniversary on August 25) and sometimes my head tells me oh if you guys were together longer its rocd since a lot of people that are on the app I've seen had their relationship for years With anyone dealing with this and go through these episodes in recovery what is it that you do that helps you go forward with your partner and not feeling like giving up

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How can I move past a severe ROCD flare-up in my relationship?

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