Harm OCD

I need some help sorting things out. I'm incredibly sorry if this doesn't follow guidelines, I rarely use any form of social media. I just downloaded this app today because I'm worried that I might have OCD. My biggest concern is harm OCD. I don't know why this happens to me, but I can easily get mad over little things and start obsessing over how I want to hurt somebody. I will spend a long time thinking of a person who pushed me in the hall, creating a scenario in which I might hit them in the face with my bag or choke them out from behind. It scares me. I get so enraged that I rarely see fault in my thoughts until after. I don't like getting angry so quick, and I hate these thoughts. It feels like there's a voice telling me to do this stuff sometimes and I don't want to. Sometimes I'll think about throwing something during an argument and I try to not let it happen, but it won't leave my head until I do it. I've never been in trouble with the law, and I've only more recently began to lose my self control to these thoughts or strange voice. I control myself as much as I can in public, but bottling it all up makes things worse at home. Please, I'm kind of desperate here. I'm scared to talk to my normal counselor about it, though I know it's the best option. I know I will eventually, but I need to now. Please give me advice on how to at least get the courage to bring this up, and please inform me if this isn't OCD related. If it isn't, I deeply apologize.

Harm OCD

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

Zoloft helped me a LOT. I’m on 50mg. Medication can sometimes be a longer route because it takes a while to figure out the right one and what your dose should be.. but it’s well worth it. Think about it like this.. your brain activity and emotions are a continuous line. These spikes in anger and these intrusive thoughts you have are spikes in the line. OCD is an anxiety disorder and anxiety can show up in many ways, that’s why there are so many variations to OCD… well those of us that have these intense anxiety issues (because of brain chemicals) have wayyy more dramatic spikes throughout our days. And it’s exhausting. And scary sometimes. Medications like Zoloft are just meant to bring us back towards a steady line.. so we can stay level and regulated. Those spikes will die down and the thoughts become less and less frequent. I hope this helps.

Ello_

Date posted: 3y

Yes, thank you! I'll be bringing up OCD to my counselor, and hopefully I won't change the topic

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

@Ello_ I totally feel that. Good luck to you, you got this. It’s scary to be so open about our experiences but we live in a new age! I hope you get the help you’re looking for!!

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

Also. When I finally spoke up and asked for help from my psychiatrist, I framed it like this: I recently have become made aware of some of the realities and symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. A lot of what I experience on a day to day basis aligns with what I have been looking into, and I even have found the NOCD app as a resource to learn more about what I’m experiencing. A lot of community members that suffer from the same kinds of intrusive thoughts that I do suggest a low dose of medication to treat anxiety to try and regulate these thoughts and feelings, and I was wondering if this is something we can explore together.

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

^^ wanted to include that bc part of my OCD is thinking that if I am experiencing something, specifically suffering, no one will believe me. So just in case you experience that kind of self-gaslighting, I wanted to help with that too.

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

Also! Sorry last comment I swear. You don’t have to tell your therapist, counselor, psychiatrist or anyone else exactly WHAT kind of intrusive thoughts you are experiencing in order to be heard and taken seriously by medical professionals. That was intimidating to me at first, I was scared I’d have to reveal everything to be helped and that it would ruin their perception of me because.. those thoughts aren’t me and it’s hard to explain, like you don’t really trust anyone else to be able to understand that “that’s not you”. If I had known I didn’t have to go deep into the what and the why, I probably would’ve gotten help much sooner.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 16w

Triggered from NOCD article

Guys for the past couple of hours ive been spiraling! I wad researching and came across this harm ocd article question that has been worrying me. The title was "im scared of hurting someone when I'm mad. Can i trust myself?" And I was thinking "hey that's what ive been worried about for the past several months!" I even AVOID being angry. Im scared of it bc I get a lot of thoughts and I'm hyperaware of my hands and feel them tingly! Last time i tensed so hard to stay still as possible bc I was so so nervous from my thoughts and my hand twitched which made me SPIRAL. I never want to cause harm! And i always start crying after an argument bc the thoughts are so so scary! Anyway I got afraid bc the article said "research has shown that people with ocd don't struggle with impulse control- so if you find yourself intensely worried you could do harm based on the intrusive thoughts or urges you have, it's likely something else is going on." THAT SENTENCE HAS LEFT ME WITH A TON OF ANXIETY! Its so bad, my appetite is gone! I'm scared does this mean I don't have ocd and should be seriously concerned?!

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