Relationship ocd

So I'm in a new relationship, and it's amazing. This is the first guy that I've been with that I can ease up and trust and have fun around without worrying they r gonna leave me (except when I'm going through a tough time w ocd). But I'm wondering if this is an intrusive thought, but i sometimes get this random thought in my head when I'm with my bf and momentarily he looks or sounds like my "ex" wasn't really a relationship but yea. And then, while asleep next to my boyfriend, I had a dream about my "ex" with his arm wrapped around me. In the dream I was kind of having fun but I was confused? I woke up freaking out because I don't want to think of him. like going into my new relationship I still had some moments where I missed this kid or thought about him and it was hard for me to get over what happened. Now that this is all popping up I'm scared I have like secret feelings for him and want to be with him. Is this an intrusive thought? Someone help lol.

Relationship OCD

Orange-Color...

Date posted: 3y

It’s common for current relationships to remind us of past relationships. Holding your current boyfriend’s hand might remind you of holding your ex’s hand simply because it’s the same activity and might bring up some of the same feelings. It’s unrealistic to expect that you won’t ever think about your ex. Try to let the thoughts be there without judging them. The more you try to push the thoughts away, the more time you’ll spend focusing on the unwanted thoughts instead of living in the moment.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

I know. It's just weird because this guy was just like a 3 month fling. It just ended poorly though and I immediately got into a relationship after that. I texted him about needing something while me n my new bf were talking about I told my bf about it so he knew but now I'm getting false memory and wondering like oh what if my intent was to just talk to him. At the time I'm worried I messaged him to yell n make him understand why he was wrong. And now I'm scared did I cheat? And i think I'm iverthinking it but it's so stressful I don't want to be unloyal and I don't want there to be a hidden reason that I'm thinking about him?

Orange-Color...

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous This sounds like OCD. Focus on accepting the uncertainty. Resist the urge to find the “hidden reason.” Definitely bring this up to your OCD therapist if you have one!

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Orange-Colored_Glasses Okay. Thank you sm. I'm just terrified of being unloyal towards him. Is it bad to seek closure from an ex at the beginning of a new relationship? I told my new bf I was messaging him and all I did was argue with him but I'm so scared that it was wrong because I wanted to reach out to him and kind of get that closure and I'm scared that the intent was bad? But this was the beginning of me n my bfs relationship n I'm totally happy n content w him. I would only think about my ex occasionally n I would be bothered by it but it would go away.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Orange-Colored_Glasses It's annoying bc I struggle w like every type of ocd especially relationship n I'm terrified I did something wrong by wanting to message my ex and get closure yk? I didn't like flirt with him or anything just texted him for something and wanted some closure too ig?

Orange-Color...

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous I understand that you’re scared, and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. When you ask “is it bad…?” and continue to give details of the situation, it’s clear that you’re asking for reassurance and ruminating. Focus on accepting the uncertainty. “Maybe my intention was to hurt my bf, or maybe my intention was just to seek closure. I can’t know for sure, so I just have to move on with my life.” Every relationship is different. Have a conversation with your bf about boundaries and then leave it at that - don’t ask him to reassure you. It’s good to be clear on the boundaries of a relationship (are both of you comfortable with each other talking to exes? Etc.) but you need to avoid seeking reassurance if you’re going to make progress with your OCD.

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 20w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

helpme1234

Date posted: 14w

relationship ocd

my relationship ocd theme is back and it hasn’t for a while. i keep having intrusive thoughts about a friend even tho i have a boyfriend of 6 years. i like do not like this person they are good looking but im not like into them. i like feel guilty for no reason and i feel like i need to tell my boyfriend even tho like we’ve been through this before and it only gets better if i tell him but if i don’t i feel like im hiding something. AHH like i don’t even wanna see that person anymore

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 8w

Intrusive thoughts about others

I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?

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Relationship ocd

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