My birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks and my friends are planning to celebrate with me and they told me they all got me presents and I feel so undeserving and I keep telling them no because I feel like if they knew my past they would hate me 😭
i’m sure you’re a wonderful person and your that your ocd is lying to you! you’re stronger than you think!
I don’t know I just know my past haunts me every single day and then when holidays come around I feel horrible when people say I deserve things when I feel like I don’t and if they knew what my mind tells me and my past then they will hate me which I don’t know if it’s true or not
@Just Breathe ❤️ i know you really want reassurance which is okay, but that is not what you really need. trying to accept the uncertainty and not fighting the anxiety could help you more than any reassurance you can find. but if need to hear it whatever you did in the past does not define who you are right now and the fact that you worry about it only shows that you’re actually a great person :)
@boys will be bugs Thank you I appreciate it
@Just Breathe ❤️ Love overpowers hate there’s things from my past I had to tell my family and I caused a severe mental breakdown that I’m still dealing with just let it out to someone you know won’t judge you take the risk
@TopShelf732 It*
@TopShelf732 I’ve already talked to my mom about it and my first therapist and my therapist now but nothing helps and I feel like I don’t even deserve love or support or to even live
@Just Breathe ❤️ Is there a way I can message you on here or anything to explain to you what I’ve been through or and going through hopefully it helps you feel better it’s not easy bro sometimes we gotta try our hardest to push through the thoughts and not believe them or atleast try to not give it power trust me there’s days I can even get out of bed crying and thinking the worst about myself my family and others which I know is not true it’s just our illness
@TopShelf732 If you would like and maybe I could explain mine too. I’m here to listen and not judge and I will do my best to not give too much reassurance because it makes it worse sometimes and I don’t want to make anyone worse
@Just Breathe ❤️ How do I message you personally on here ?
@TopShelf732 They don’t have personal messaging on here unfortunately and I don’t like to give away my personal stuff I’m sorry
I respect that , well I’m gonna give you a brief way of how my ocd started , it started after I told first my mom and my brother about something from my past that haunts me till this day and something I’ll have to live with forever , after that I started getting intrusive thoughts about hurting my family and at that time I didn’t know I had ocd so I went to the ER , after that I was doing well for a while till I tried to get my self off my meds cold turkey which was probably really one of the worst mistakes I made , after 14 days of hell I decided to get back on them and felt great for about a year and a half , about 2 months ago I had a mental breakdown and had to tell my sister about my past event because it had to do with her son my nefew not gonna get into detail on here about that , but ever since then I’ve been a ball of anxiety depression ocd intrusive thoughts and feelings of going crazy I get the weirdest thoughts and even tho I know they are not true they hurt like for example what if I’m being poisoned or even had thoughts of my family hurting me or peaple being feds or me being illuminati or God all things which I know are not true but deep down they hurt me to the core I’m honestly scared to talk about this with my phycologist or physiatrist because of fear I would be told I’m suffering from another worse illness even tho I know my thoughts aren’t true they hurt like hell I’m trying to find ways to not fear and trust myself and know that none of this is real beacause I know it’s not it’s my mind playing tricks on me if you have any advice please share with me
Also thoughts of persecution which I also know are not true i know it’s just rooted from guilt of my past and my ocd intrusive thoughts
@TopShelf732 When I was a teenager I had a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish which is so freaking embarrassing to talk about but I’ve posted about it on here many many times but I used to go on ifunny the app and look up the fetish and that’s it and self pleasure (the m word) was a big part of it which is also so embarrassing but I would come across innocent videos with people, memes or whatever that weren’t sexual at all it was just about the fetish for me that’s it, and because of the people in them or whatever I feel so incredibly horrible because my mind tells me that I’m a horrible monster because of it and I didn’t start worrying about it until I developed OCD and especially pocd about 3 years ago. I had no bad intentions and I didn’t look up anything on purpose other than the fetish itself which had nothing to do with the people or whoever was in the memes, videos, characters in the memes that I would come across but because I was doing the thing I’m so worried about it and the “what if’s” I don’t know what to do. I stopped for a long time and then a few years ago I was maybe still a teenager 18 or 19 I don’t remember I could of been 17 it’s pretty foggy that I don’t remember exactly when it happened but I downloaded ifunny again and got into the fetish again and the memes or characters that were in the memes looked younger than what I remembered and also the m word was involved so I immediately was like no this is weird and wrong I’m not doing this and I never looked back since but it’s been haunting me ever since. I have thoughts of what if I’m a monster, what if I don’t deserve love, support or to even live, what if people will think I’m a horrible person who needs to be punished, and so on and no matter who I talk to or get help from they all tell me to let it go and to forgive myself and to stop being so hard on myself but I can’t. It’s haunted me for years.
@Just Breathe ❤️ Just want to let you know you are also not your past , and your definitely not a monster or anything of that sort you definitely deserve to love and live abundantly, the best we can do is try to find the right meds and the right therapy also pray on it no matter how bad of a person you think you are which you are not God bless you and yours
I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m not sure what happened and that’s ok just know it’s in the past. No matter how far back it was or if it was yesterday, you have a chance every single day to start over and become the best version of yourself. No amount of worrying can change the past. Please know you are not alone and don’t listen to the voices inside your mind that tell you anything otherwise.
There has been 2 birthday party’s for two people that I consider to be my some of my best friends that I haven’t been invited to. I feel like me being clingy and asking if people are mad at me and my ocd makes people not like me or hanging out with me. I just wish it would all go away and I could get invited to do stuff like a normal 14 year old.
I’m so terrified because when I was a teenager I used to have a embarrassing and weird tickling fetish. No idea where it came from but it started around age 15 to maybe 19. I don’t have it anymore and I absolutely regret it 100% because of “self time” being involved. The fetish was the only thing I ever was part of mentally I never ever had any other intentions. Never. I used to go on ifunny and that’s where I would find artwork I guess related to the fetish. I stopped going to ifunny and around age 19 or something I went back and I remember the people in the artwork or whatnot would come across as being younger and I would skip them and try to find more “appropriate” I guess I don’t even know how to explain this but I know it’s something other people may have struggled with as well and I hold a lot of regret and shame even though I had literally no bad intentions whatsoever it was for a stupid fetish but the ocd has attached to it for many years now and it scares me to death what it tries to convince me is real when I pray to God it is not. I feel so terrible for that time I went back to ifunny but I remember I got uncomfortable and got rid of the app. I never had bad intentions and I know that for sure. I just feel so incredibly horrible all time time about what I didn’t know when I was younger and I should have. Not long after everything I developed ocd and the worst theme I’ve ever dealt with is POCD and also real event too. My self esteem is shot. There’s nothing that makes me feel alive anymore because I absolutely cannot stand myself. I’ve wanted to give up countless times. I have so much fear all the time. I’m going on vacation this weekend with my family and I feel like I don’t deserve to go or have fun. My birthday is next weekend and it’s just another day for me and I tell people not to get me anything because I feel as I don’t deserve it or anything joyful or happy. I don’t know what to do. This is embarrassing to talk about but it’s what I’m dealing with and I hate it with a passion of how stupid I was when I was younger. I’m almost 24. I can’t even move on with my life because I feel like I don’t deserve to 💔
Hello everyone it’s my birthday and I can’t stop ruminating, haha, I’m not sure why I feel sad if everything is going I guess pretty well. I keep ruminating and overthinking about this one person and stuff, we cleared things about how we feel and it made me and them feel happy but my brain keeps telling me I’m not good enough for them and that things won’t go well or something, I really hate having these thoughts because I know I should be alright but it’s all making me sad.
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