ROCD

YES. I had this within my first year of marriage, I still have no clue what the trigger was but months in I randomly started obsessing over the fact that he watched porn? Which is very normal? But I still found (and am working on it now) it horrible and gross because it makes no sense with how respectful/not interested in that stuff he is. It made me disgusted and question his whole character for months even though he had stopped watching porn for YEARS before I met him. Again, it logically made no sense but felt as if he had cheated on me and I felt horrible. Like lost sleep over it. This weirdly made me feel good that I’m not the only one goin through feelings like this. Again, LOGICALLY I know it doesn’t make sense and it’s insane to other people but to me it felt like I’ve been cheated on. I’m confident this will go away eventually (the feeling/power these thoughts have) but it’s sucks in the meantime. Just feels pointless worrying until the thoughts and questions kick in 😬 very straining on my relationship even though in every other way we are perfect together.

Yes, my issue was my fiancé & something he lied about doing in real life. We moved in together & he got upset about something, told me he can’t marry me & admitted to 2 lies. I was disgusted about one of those lies & have talked about this topic before we became official. It made my anxiety spike very bad for about a month. My psychiatrist increased my Prozac to 80mg Feb 2. I also wonder if I have Real Event & Perfectionism OCD. I don’t know too many ppl with ROCD that focus on their partners behavior like I do.

I can relate to both of you so much. I’ve had the porn obsession in past relationships. The fact that someone I was with had EVER watched porn made me totally disgusted and I totally felt like it was cheating on me too! (Even though logically, I really have no problem with porn so it’s not like some inherent deeply rooted principle of mine!) I felt like they must be a total, sex-obsessed sleeze, who objectifies women (even though everything about their character showed the complete opposite… like actually, they were some of the most respectful, pro-feminist men ever). Luckily this particular obsession hasn’t reared its ugly head in my current relationship. But in terms of the lying, I can relate to that one as well. An ex of mine told me a lie once that he later confessed to, but even though it was small and honestly I probably would have done the same thing in his shoes, I would think about it and obsess about it constantly and think it made him a dishonest liar and I was compromising my morals and values by being with him. Most literature on ROCD I cannot relate to because mine is about my partners’ behavior like you, Stephanie, specifically something they’ve done. And most literature about real event ocd I can’t relate to either because I’m always focused on the behavior of my partner, not myself. When my husband slept with someone else 10 years ago before he considered us to be exclusive and was also in a really bad place emotionally as he had just gotten through a rough breakup and was clear about not wanting to be in another relationship, I totally can understand how out of character it was and can even see myself doing the same thing in his shoes. In fact, I HAVE done almost the exact same thing before, with other people. But even though logically I know that, and also knew that for a long time, I was totally over it and even when I thought about it, I wouldn’t think it was a big deal, now it’s all I think about and I’m constantly thinking our relationship is a sham. Which sucks, because like you, Anonymous, in every way our relationship is perfect (or “perfect” to me) except for this thing that happened 10 years ago (before he even wanted to be with me). Stephanie, I also wonder if it’s Perfectionist ocd because it’s like I expect my partners to be perfect and if they do something that’s imperfect and “human” I can’t tolerate it. I’m just super symptomatic now and I hate it because there’s nothing “real” for me to be upset about but it’s all-consuming and makes me feel like I’m settling for someone who cheated on me.