Its almost 1 in the afternoon and i just woke up and a little irritated and yet i feel that feeling in my chest and stomach and the thought saying "you're probably bisexual" like where did this even come from LOL
when my sexual orientation ocd was super super bad and i was having panic attacks every day, i used to watch jeopardy w my family with my hand on my heart to test if i was attracted to the contestants (i obsessed over any increase in heart rate = attraction). mind you, ALL OF THE CONTESTANTS WERE MF GRANNIES. now, i look back in laugh. ofc grandmas can be beautiful lol but it’s just funny how scared i was for nothing. ocd is like having a conspiracy theorist living in your head that connects dots that cannot connect sometimes. wow.
Do you still deal with it ?
@Mathias oh definitely. usually, i’ll get a tik tok that triggers me or i’ll see a woman and check how i feel. it’s still incredibly hard for me to have girl friends because i never feel at ease around them. i’m working on it in therapy and i still freak out over things. but i’m in a much much better place than i was in winter of 2020
@Anonymous Good to hear yea tik toks are my new trigger . I’ve had this so ocd about 4 or 5 years ago and it has came back stronger. I really had got passed it . I’m married so it makes it tough
@Mathias i’m so sorry. i wouldn’t wish this theme on anyone, it makes everything so so difficult. anything can be used against you by your own mind as “proof” you’re not who you thought you were. i’m working on accepting that i’ll never have absolute certainty of my sexual orientation and that it doesn’t have to matter so much. still very challenging.
@Anonymous I don’t think anyone has a true uncertainty about it , some people just don’t worry about things at all . I’ve always been a constant worrier with anxiety and cod . I over think things too much
I just made a new friend who sounds femmy( reason i said it was because i was triggered that he was bi or gay and was gonna try to turn me or something) but hes actually straight and married who also goes through soocd . He was telling me about this book he uses from his therapist its about self acceptance, not accepting the thoughts but accepting they are there and more self love and being gentle with yourself
@Anonymous Theres times ill be doing something, itll turn sexual or ill make it that way and then itll "turn out i like it" its scary af bc sometimes it feels that way in reality its not a possibility
@Sp1999 Ain’t it crazy how that works tho ?
@Mathias Im sorta stressing out rn but yes
@Mathias yeah. i mean that was triggering to hear lol! but i do know that this disorder manifests itself in my life in mannyyy other ways. this isn’t the only theme i deal with. but i do think acceptance of the thoughts just as thoughts is important. it’s just our minds spitballing, and as you said, it’s much more “sticky” than it is for others who don’t deal with anxiety.
@Anonymous You are right but you know what its like to try and think the logic vs ocd thinking. Damn near impossible
@Anonymous That was triggering for me just to type too tho
Well at least you are laughing about it!
Its just supid lol
I did however have thoughts waay before i woke up but then tested how i would react just to go back to sleep lol
Mine says your gay lol irritating af
Tell me about it LOL.
Like I feel geroinals ALL DAY and it’s stuck… I think I’m bi. But this still drives me nuts.
I won’t explain this again if you’ve been or going through it you know what I’m talking about. I felt good about women about an hour ago and now I’m worrying again I’m anxious and the groinals are back and it’s so annoying because I can’t study. And honestly I’m so sick and tired of this. I’ve been a girl crazy my whole life and my mind randomly decides “well what if you are gay” like bro. I’ve never seen a guy that way and in general IT WAS NEVER SOMETHING I THOUGHT ABOUT OR ASSOCIATED MYSELF WITH. IVE NEVER FELT ANYTHING TOWARDS A MAN AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE IT RANDOMLY FLIPPED. I CANT DO THIS BRO. WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH INSECURITIES ALREADY AND MY ATTRACTION WAS THE ONLY REAL THING I HAD LEFT AND NOW THIS. HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE ME GOD.
This morning I woke up and the first thing I had was a sex scene, ocd topic, of course, and a feeling of some urge, as if I was being driven by adrenaline and it really turned me on...it lasted a short time, I didn't analyze it much. As soon as I woke up, I was left with the feeling that it was real... anyone else?
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