There's no rational response to what you're going through. All I can do is share my story with you and hope it helps. I had crippling scrupulosity for several years of my life. It would be better for hours in a day and then become excruciating, sometimes it would even get better for days in a week but it would still return to whatever hellish place it had been before. That brutal cycle went on for years, and I didn't know anything but despair and pain on a daily basis. Even when I wasn't actively tortured by whatever obsession or thought I was struggling with, I was desperately afraid because I knew that it was just a matter of time before it returned. I'm sure you understand all of that all too well. But that has changed for me. I have now, for more years than I suffered from extreme OCD, and am living a functional, fulfilling, and absolutely wonderful life. I'm not a professional in this sphere, I can't give you advice on how to solve it, but know that there can be an end. When I was in the depths of OCD I didn't believe that was possible, and I don't even expect you to entirely believe it right now. But if you can, hold on to that idea, the idea that you will get through this and that the world on the other side of OCD is indescribably beautiful. Don't give up man. Get through the days and hours and minutes, and don't give up hope. Whatever you do, don't give up. You have a life ahead of you which could contain more than you or anyone else can imagine.