mabi

Date posted: 3y

Has anyone ever had this obsession?

My current obsession that’s been consuming me for the past two months is one that I don’t hear anyone else talk about and seems extremely trivial and stupid, but for me it’s something extremely important, enough so that it’s consumed me this much. I’ve basically been obsessing over my interpretation of a work of a fiction that I’ve been hyperfixated on. Right now the specific things that been bothering me the past few weeks is the question of “what if I’m only interpreting the main character as selfless and good because I just want to see him that way, and therefore am a foolish and selfish person who cannot handle a morally complex story and cannot continue reading/watching this media”. The idea of reading/watching this series “incorrectly” is terrifying, and the idea of having to give up this series I love so so much is also terrifying, so I’ve been desperately trying to prove to myself that I’m going through everything correctly and am therefore not bad. I have not continued watching/reading for two months because of this, yet not directly consuming the media has not stopped my fears, because no matter how much I try to tell myself that not being able to continue it one day is fine, it’s deep down not something I can accept.

"Pure" OCD

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for sharing this. I have heard very similar things from other members, so you are definitely not alone. I always try and point out that no matter what "theme" OCD sticks to, the underlying components always include a sense of uncertainty and doubt. What you are saying in your post is that you are feeling uncertain and doubting things surrounding this character- the treatment really is ERP. Through working with a ERP trained therapist can help you identify specific exposures and response prevention to address your specific needs. From a general standpoint- we want people with OCD to learn to sit with the discomfort- allow yourself to feel the anxiety and you don't need to do anything to get rid of it. You don't need to do any compulsions, eventually the anxiety will go away on its own. Right now you have a false alarm that goes off in your brain when you get these thoughts and by doing the compulsions you are inadvertently teaching yourself that there is a real danger when there isn't. The goal is allow the thoughts to be there and you don't have to give it meaning- the thoughts can be there and you can passively notice the thoughts are there but don't engage with them. Know that NOCD is here for you for support.

mabi

Date posted: 3y

I’ve been doing compulsions less often since making this post actually, and I have noticed things getting better for the time being! It’s only two days though so I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I would definitely want to do ERP but I still haven’t gotten a professional diagnosis for OCD yet.

mabi

Date posted: 3y

Thinking abt it again now im not sure if the anxiety will go away, since I do think that there’s a real danger and as long as things are uncertain abt said danger how can i not just be eternally anxious

ninarochat

Date posted: 3y

I think you are completely allowed to interpret a character the way that feels right for you, if it is meaningful to you it is ok for a character to « just » be good and selfless

mabi

Date posted: 3y

Well I think the reasons are selfish. I interpreted this character as purely selfless from the start, but I saw someone online suggest that he might have some aspects of a hero complex, so I tried looking at things from that perspective, and while it still holds true that my original interpretation makes way more objective sense to me than the other one, the interpretation of this character having done selfless acts for self-worth gave me anxiety, kinda like moral anxiety, as if I felt the morality of my interpretation was being threatened. I love morally complex characters though and typically don’t have this sort of anxiety unless it’s a case where I legitimately view a character as a very good person and another interpretation is being forced onto me. But the fact that I had this anxiety could mean that I’m only interpreting this character in this way for selfish reasons, and as if I’m saying that doing things for the sake of self-worth is an immoral thing(I know it isn’t). The story this character is from is a very complex story that isn’t meant to have those sorts of moral codes applied to it, so I want to be able to look at the story accurately and correctly. So it worries me, a lot.

mabi

Date posted: 3y

@mabi This was the dumbest rant ever ngl. This probably sounds so stupid and I can’t explain why it’s been consuming me for weeks.

ninarochat

Date posted: 3y

@mabi It is not dumb at all ! I can see how much you care about this issue, which proves how much of « not a bad person » you are. In my opinion, someone who is seen as immoral would not reflect on their own interpretations, plus fictional characters can be interpreted in certain ways without objectively reflecting anything bad about the person who is interpreting. I know we are trying to not be reassuring here, but I just want to tell you that it’s ok 💓

mabi

Date posted: 3y

@ninarochat I mean I’m more worried about my correctness than morality. I’m just worried that I’m not viewing things objectively and correctly.

ninarochat

Date posted: 3y

@mabi You mean as in following the general opinion ? It is just my opinion but I insist that to me, correctness is something hard to define since everyone has different perspectives

mabi

Date posted: 3y

@ninarochat I mean like,, I’m scared that my interpretation is just due to selfish personal bias and isn’t objective

mabi

Date posted: 3y

@mabi I don’t know why I care so much

ninarochat

Date posted: 3y

@mabi We all have bias I think, it does not make you selfish, it is not about being right or wrong but I get what you are saying, I hope you will be more soothed about all this

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 22w

ocd + interests + online discussions

i’ve been having this theme pop up recently where if I see people either criticize or be a hater and spread misinformation or seeing old controversies about my current interests/hyper-fixations i find myself having a crazy anxiety attack about if it’s “morally okay” to be interested in my interests anymore. i feel really singled out and like im doing something wrong because im watching a youtuber or listening to a specific musical group. in all of these specific situations the people involved have talked about the situations and have changed accordingly but seeing it makes me feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to like my favorite things. to be clear none of these things are dramatically evil or bad. it’s either misinformation/uneducated people influencing someone opinion and then they learn and change. it just makes me feel like im not allowed to like my favorite things anymore because of people criticizing it??? if that makes sense??? also this is a little off topic but also not really because i’m 99.99% sure im autistic because of MANY things but with this specifically i have very strong interests and i feel very deep feelings about them and any and all criticism or hateful comments towards my favorite things trigger me deeply and make my ocd act up and make me feel uncomfortable and uncertain and anxious and it causes physical discomfort to me. i really don’t know how to calm myself down about this specific theme it’s brand new and makes me feel really anxious. not trying to look for reassurance but does anyone else understand what i mean??? does anyone have any advice on how to not give into the negative comments??? any suggestions on how to ease this specific anxiety???

"Pure" OCD

Carla. C

Date posted: 20w

Reading OCD

Does anybody else experience OCD while reading? I feel like i need to remember everything in my book. And i have a feel that i need to completely understand EVEYTHING in my book (even very minor things) and if not, i feel as though im cheating or that the minor thing is very significant and that ill want to remember it even way after i finish the book (just for the purpose of knowing EVERYTHING about my book) Also, when a character says some minor things i feel the need to understand it completely or i feel the fear that i didn’t understand what the character actually meant. If youve struggled with this please give tips on how to overcome it

ocdonedidily1

Date posted: 20w

Perfectionism OCD and rumination

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

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Has anyone ever had this obsession?

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