I’m obsessing or under obsessing about something

I suffer from intrusive thoughts, I think I may have HARM OCD. My therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression but not OCD because I never told her about my thoughts. I’m afraid of being around vulnerable people, and I’m afraid for going insane. The thought of it makes me want to throw up, this all started about a week ago, and I haven’t been able to eat since then. I don’t even want to go out because I’m in constant fear. I tell myself “what if I snap?” or “what if I’m a sociopath?” I have told my parents about it and even my significant other and they tell me “you wouldn’t even hurt a fly” I kind of feel relieved after that but not for long. I’ve been trying to get closer to god, I’ve been praying, meditating, I even took magnesium because I want to stop having these thoughts. I did go to therapy right away but I wasn’t completely honest to her due to fear. I’ve been feeling numb. I love my family.. so why am I afraid I might hurt them?

So I’ve been in a pretty rough spiral/ocd spike for about a month now. I used to have this theme of being severely mentally ill or schizophrenic or psychotic and it went away for like 6 months and now it’s back full force. I have never hallucinated but I have this intense fear of what if I do. So with this theme I have these delusional thoughts that are just bizarre and I know how delusional they are but they feel so real and scary like I believe them. My body reacts by my stomach feeling uneasy and I’ll get a chill and just feel like I’m gonna be sick. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a thought per say.. it can just be a weird sensation or feeling and then I’ll become extremely anxious and borderline feel like I could panic. I can usually talk myself down from a full blown panic attack and but it’s just so distressing and I’m wondering if anyone else goes through this? I think it stems from a core fear of losing my family, ending up institutionalized away from my family and my family being devastated and judging me bc I “went crazy” please if anyone else can relate I’d appreciate any advice.

Does anyone else get the theme of fear of going crazy or into a psychosis ? I’ve been having that fear lately and it has been the worse ever. I’ve never had these thoughts before and I don’t know what triggered them that they won’t go way. I couldn’t eat for days from how scared I was of these thoughts. I keep having intrusive thoughts like what if you’re imagining it for example I was at TJ Maxx with my mom and I was looking for her and when I saw her a thought popped into my head like “what if that’s not her and your imagining it” it was so scary that I wanted to cry. Of course apart of me knows that’s not true but the thoughts keep popping up. I’m so scared and just want to be myself again. So if anyone has gone through this theme can you please tell me what helped you. I’ve also struggled with harm ocd, suicidal ocd and a lot of health anxiety. I can’t afford therapy so if yall have any recommendations on what helped your ocd please let me know. I’m so tired and feel so helpless. I want my life back.