God

im so afraid. someone said that blasphemy of the holy spirit is when you say something thats untrue. and my ocd is having a field day with it. i believe God is amazing, great and forgiving. however why are my thoughts this way, it gives me anxiety down to my toes and makes me want to vomit. im sorry if this triggers someone or anything. God Bless, Jesus Loves You.

Is it possible to follow Christ without actually believing? I want God but don't always trust and especially with Jesus/Christianity. I want to believe and I don't but I am still drawn in; it is comforting and compelling. I like what Jesus represented, I like the teachings (although don't always seem practical and seemingly so hard to live up to), and I LOVE Christian music. I love the community. It is so hard to embrace it really and it although gives me comfort brings on a lot of anxiety and confusion. I feel like I have no control to function when I am supposed to let myself be led; I don't even know what that means when I have to think and move my body to live. I want to have a strong faith in God in general without feeling condemned. I want to feel there is a God holding on to me so I don't feel so alone, restless, and lost. Who better to love than your creator? Who better to put your trust in to help you in times of despair. I cant help to think that the Bible is a myth and although if Jesus did exist was only a prophet. My conditioning and impulses are constantly rejecting it and so many times I opened myself up only to quit the next day because it doesn't stick. I am constantly met with rejecting thoughts and fear. It's not sustainable. At the same time, I love him and his story well I only read a little of the Bible and intended to sermons, etc. Another thing, how do I know what is the truth when I am getting interpretations of the Bible when reading, listening to others interpretations through pastoral sermons and other people voicing their opinion?

Answer is no. Ocd likes to create distortions of God. For example, thinking God is controlling everything you buy. God gave us free will and already knows what you will do before you think about it. He predestined and knows the future. Think about it, like the previous example, how will buying this or doing that ruin the will of God? It can't. God does not want you in constant anxiety or fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV [7] for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. The word of God is a good place to see if it's really God's will. You will know once you read the Bible. God loves you and wants you to have peace. God bless.