I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.

i was with my lover we didn't have that much time together and at some point she fell asleep because she was overwhelmed. at first, I was okay with it but as time passed I started to feel stressed andd annoyed, because i wanted to spend time together which is no excuse i feel bad about this. also, i hoped we might have been intimate ( i didn't tell her or ask her to be intimate tho) and the fact that she was sleeping meant that we couldn't cus we wouldn't have had enough time so idk i felt annoyed about that. i have this thing that i deeply hate where every time we have alone time together i get the hopes that we might be intimidate but when j realise we probably can't i start having this obsession where i have to reassure myself to the point of nausea because the idea of being disappointed ( or actually feeling disappointed) about not having sex terrifies me ,it makes me feel like im dangerous or that i want to force myself on her so i just start repeating to myself that it's fine. so like this obsession started happening, but im afraid that for a moment ( idk how brief it was, im deeply ashamed of this ) i felt justified about being annoyed about not having sex because she was sleeping and it's not fair cus she was struggling and overwhelmed and i should have cared about that not about fickle things. but still I was annoyed and stressed out ( because I also started feeling really guilty ) and when she told me she was sorry about her mood i don't think i reassured her properly, i told her it was okay but i wasn't that sweet, I was a bit quiet idk if i actually seemed annoyed. after a little while i tried to stop feeling this weird wnd i tried to focus on her and how she felt, so I cuddled her and tried to make her feel better. I reassured her that she had nothing to be sorry for, that it's okay if she had a bad day. in the end she did feel better, she thanked me a thousand times for being patient and kind but that made me feel even worse because internally i felt annoyed which is horrible. i feel terrible also, i tried to wake her up a few times. it's not unusual because she usually tells me to let her nap 10 minutes. so at first i let her nap for like 30 mins cus she had very little sleep that day, i wanted her to rest. and then j started to try and wake her up, when she wouldn't wake up i would let her nap a little while longer ( at least 10 mins ) but i feel bad because i probably was a little pushy because i felt annoyed about not having that much time together and so not having time to be intimate. idk. i feel horrible. i shouldn't be that annoying and annoyed about not having sex, It feels so scary that i insisted on waking her up, i hate being pushy. idk

Hello! I just needed a place to vent.. Me and my boyfriend are having a hard time right now because of my anxiety and because I have had vestibulodynia for 3 years. If you have a flare up of relationship ocd then this might trigger or something but I don’t know. Anyway, my vestibulodynia has made me afraid of intimacy a lot and my partner also in fear of hurting me has withdrawn a lot too. I still want him, it’s complicated. This year, things have been tougher with finding a cure, and that’s when I’ve started to have the thought ”what if it would be different with someone else?”, but I don’t want anyone else. I have had these urges to stare at attractive men, which I don’t really know why, a lot of fantasies come up in my mind, just popping in. About two times this year, I have been staring at an attractive guy/or just a guy a few times without really knowing why. I take it as a sign together with my withdrawal that I no longer want him, and is cheating. The thing is, I don’t like what I’m doing, and I don’t know why it happens, it’s like I can’t physically look away. I have to control myself to not stare. I know I can’t ask for reassurance here, but I would really like to know if this is ocd. I also had a fantasy of flirting but not leading to anything more, I think I wanted more chemistry with my boyfriend and it manifested into someone random that can’t hurt me. I don’t know what I just said meant but when I had it, I think I was clear with that I knew I only wanted those feelings with him, my boyfriend. The times I can’t stop staring, what usually happens in my mind is that I see that they are attractive, then I kind of take in their features but then I remember not to stare, but it’s weird cause it’s not like a calm ”oh so beautiful” it’s like my head keeps being turned and I physically cannot stop. I have heard of stare ocd but I’m not sure. It’s complicated because yes I feel sad because my vulvodynia messed up for us, because I was in heaven with him, before this relationship anxiety, and that was like one year ago still. When I don’t feel shame and when I allow myself, he makes me so so happy. But right now I feel like I don’t deserve him. He would never do anything like that. It feels like I have cheated, because it feel unloyal what I did. I wouldn’t want him to do that and I don’t know what I would do but I think I wouldn’t want to be with him. I’m so afraid that I have messed up. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell him, but I don’t know. I’m so scared because my dad was a cheater, I NEVER want to be like that. The fact that I’m doubting so much of I should be with him makes me feel like I’m cheating and he deserves better. It’s strange because it came from nowhere it feels like, it started when I started to give up on my vulvodynia for real, and when I felt like he seemed to care less. I never looked at guys like I have this year before, I feel so horrible. I wanted our relationship to be pure and loyal.