I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

Read on erectile disfunction and porn. Its an addiction. I dont think women should just accept that men are different, thats old world thinking its 2019. This is happening because his expectations are distorted because porn is fiction. Itll only get worse if he doesn’t cut it off.

I'm also bothered by my fiance masturbating. Try not to let it get to you. Masturbation and sex mean different things to men especially. They masturbate for the quick release and not having to focus on anyone but themselves. My fiance does it to relieve stress. I'd say only worry if it completely interferes with your sex life. Though, from personal experience, my fiance wants to have sex with me less when my anxiety is through the roof...so that could be a factor.

See I don’t know if it really does interfere with our sex life, because there will be times when he can’t finish and he says it’s because he masturbated the night before, or times when he won’t be in the mood or able to perform because he already masturbated and it takes him so long to build back up libido.

It's the same with my fiance. He can't finish if he already came recently (that day) and it makes him not in the mood to have sex. I understand. It's frustrating and it feels personal. But for me, I'm not necessarily in the mood when he's masturbating anyway... I just wish he'd still go after me. Lol

I should also clarify, I am also male, he is gay I am bi, though the concern still stands and definitely applies to women in regards to their boyfriends, but with a bit of a different perspective. And to Aela’s point, I agree, he told me he likes masturbating because he can just pick up his phone and look at what ever he wants to masturbate to. Sure I’ve watched porn before, but I know that it’s fake and I make the best out of what my boyfriend and I have, not let myself think it should be perfect and exactly like porn.

I feel the same way. I felt weird when I found out my boyfriend had masturbated recently after telling me he had stopped, and he told me he wouldn’t do it anymore if it caused me anxiety. Also watching porn and masturbating can literally cause a man’s brain (and penis) to become numb to the idea of sex, it’s strange but this is what happened to my boyfriend right before we began dating. He had issues with his sex drive and staying hard but then he stopped watching porn and masturbating and now has a completely normal sex drive. He still has issues with getting off though which sometimes feels frustrating and like it’s my fault but it’s definitely something that goes on men’s heads. Maybe if you talk to your partner about how it makes you feel and if you look into how porn and masturbating can effect men’s sensitivity and sex drive to present to him, your partner will take that into consideration, especially if you let your partner know this effects your anxiety.

@jesspb 100% facts.