I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

So I've always had an issue about my partners watching porn. I've always felt super uncomfortable with it and just now realized that maybe it has to do with rocd... but then I fight myself on it because I feel like maybe it's just something that I strongly believe in. My current boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for not letting him watch porn. I then caught him watching porn once after he said he wouldn't and I freaked out. I felt really insecure. He said that he would stop doing it but I obsess over it and I check his phone when he's not looking. I also obsess over if he is talking to other girls. And then when I don't find anything, i tell myself that he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.

Has anyone with relationship OCD had a fear of their partner Masturbating while in a relationship with you? I seem to have had this all my life & mentioned it to partners before. A few have lied about it & admitted it later after agreeing for us to both NOT do it. Found out my fiancé of 2 yrs has lied about it & I am crushed. He told me that it’s normal & that he doesn’t like to do it or want to but all guys do. That he just wants to be a human being. I have a desire to control this because of my fear. I have not done it since we have been official & feel betrayed. He refuses to talk about masturbation with me. Anyone have a similar issue? How did you cope to get thru it?

This has been plaguing me for 12 years and I can't figure it out. Never posted on one of these so hoping not to be let down. Before I start, this topic is not about whether porn is acceptable in relationships or not, or whether women are crazy for feeling insecure etc. I understand its different for everyone and its a common issue. This is about my mental health. I have trauma from childhood, something I've only just realised since starting on and off therapy sessions about 3 years ago. So do lots of people I know... My boyfriend is 29, we've been together 6 years. We are and have been stuck in a cycle for years, again on and off. My self esteem is very very low, but in some aspects like my career and within friendship groups I'm very confident/bubbly. When it comes to people getting close to me in a relationship I am not. I can be needy, anxious and obsessive. I was diagnosed with OCD intrusive thoughts when I was 16, 12 years ago. And later in life, recently, my therapist says you could see my questioning as a form of ocd. I have a real obsession with pornography. My own use has sometimes been obsessive and had a negative impact on me, but not so recently, it comes and goesin waves. But since my first relationship at 17 its something I have obsessively asked partners about their use. All 3 lied. At 20 I found out my dad had posted videos of my mum on a porn site and been selling her underwear without her knowing. So I seem to have a very mixed up view on how to feel about it. On the one hand I think it's normal to want to look at that, and doesn't define how someone feels about you, I feel okay with it if it's not an unhealthy amount of watching/affecting your sex life. On the other hand, I get the urge to ask and need to know, if I try to push past the urge to ask I become angry, distant and full of hatred towards my partner. If I do ask, if I get the answer no I haven't watched, I say "you're lying" and question and question every little instance. It gets so bad I say things like "I know that's a lie though because there was toilet paper in your dressing gown pocket" to which he says he had a cold or something. I will then proceed to Google things like "toilet paper in boyfriends dressing gown pocket meaning" as you can imagine, when even google comes back with nothing, I still don't snap out of it. My partner admits to using porn every so often, but says he hasn't much since the lockdown and ive been working from home. I don't believe that, he used to lie about it (this was years ago) and say he never watched it. I found proof, he tried to deny then talked to me about how he felt a lot of pressure because I question every hour. Which I understand, but I can't seem to stop. After that I went to therapy for the first time as an adult. Addressed childhood trauma and my confidence improved, so I didn't feel the need to ask as much, as when I did he would sometimes say yes I have watched it, or if he said no I would sometimes accept that. Other times, which is the majority.... I have FRANTIC thoughts, I demand to look through his history, downloads, then to say "you've just deleted it". It spirals and spirals for hours, he doesn't change his mind, I try every manipulation tactic I can think of to get him to tell me the truth. Because the only time I seem to feel peace in my head is when I ask and I hear the words "yes I have watched it today". I can't explain the feeling this gives me but its a sense of calm, for a day or so. Then Im right back at it the next day. He says sometimes he struggles to talk to me about my day because I seem distant with him. Its true, I don't really care what he has to say, cos all I want to know is whether he's watched porn or not. And now I'm back at work, it's even worse. The reality is, he probably is lying about the frequency of his porn use. He feels its a private thing and I shoildnt need to know, but tells me sometimes to keep me happy I reckon???? Ive lied about frequency of use for me before too. And I also think I would if my partner was so obsessive like I am. I don't know what to do, or how to break the cycle. It's killing anything we may have left to salvage, if anything. But I did the same to my other 2 partners too. Same topic. I also obsess over things like, am I actually a lesbian? Does he like the way I look? But with this, because it's so secretive, I'm so so so frightened one day I'm gonna wake up in my 50s to some creepo who watches porn 3 times a day and looks and young girls. When in reality he's far from that, poor guy doesn't even have social media. Just the occasional (maybe regularly I dunno) human urge to do his business. Has anyone else suffered with this? It's such a stupid insignifant topic but its causing real pain for both of us.