- Date posted
- 3y
rocd
does anyone with rocd feel like a part of them is turned off like happiness and love? all i can really feel is sadness and anger. i know that i love my partner but a part of me just feels blocked.
does anyone with rocd feel like a part of them is turned off like happiness and love? all i can really feel is sadness and anger. i know that i love my partner but a part of me just feels blocked.
Yes I feel such a heaviness in my chest and I feel like I can see the fullness of the love I want to feel but all of these thoughts keep me from getting there. Itās like I can see it across a metaphorical pond and thereās a really shaky and weak bridge that I canāt walk across
It's the same for me except I envision a large disconnect through some literal distance or space
i do feel this on and off, itās like a light switch or when i do feel them i donāt believe them if it makes sense
if so why do those emotions turn off??
Yes, literally yes all the time. I'm scared to even use the word love out of fear that I might not mean it because I can't feel anything and am emotionless
The other day I literally felt the love washing over me and then I shut it down. If I have a good day of feeling the love I can guarantee the next day I wonāt feel a thing and Iāll feel the complete opposite. It feels like Iām two different people sometimes and it feels like I canāt let myself feel love
I started seeing a therapist but she wasnāt an OCD specialist so I donāt think she quite understood and didnāt use ERP. Probably 4-5 months, he had certain habits that gave me the ick which I just couldnāt cope with and that decided it for me
Absolutely, its like a defense mechanism.
Yeah, except I have ROCD in a new relationship and it SUCKKSSSS because I can't tell if I like them bc I go back and fourth and either am incredibly triggered by them and feel nothing, or when I DO feel something I doubt it and dismiss it
I was the same in my new relationship. I was obsessive over whether I liked him or not from the beginning. I even doubted moments when I felt like I did like him and nothing was ever enough. I constantly questioned what it felt like to have feelings but weāre still together now 7 months on!
@Liza7 Wow!! I'm so happy for you that you guys are still together. I know that it's hard as hell. How did you manage to decide to stay? It's so hard for me because I don't want to "lead them on"
@Anonymous I still struggle most days but I stayed because I know I would regret breaking up with him for quite possibly the rest of my life. That sounds dramatic! I too worry about leading him on and wasting his time. I worry he deserves better than me but at the moment I still want to try to make it work. I had ROCD in a past relationship, at first I wanted to stay but as time went on I found that I didnāt actually like him. The telling thing was when I told my best friend I wanted to break up with my ex, she told me Iād regret it and I was adamant I wouldnāt. I feel very different this time around with my current boyfriend so Iām choosing to stay! Sorry if this was triggering in any way
Have you been doing erp therapy for it? Do you feel it helps? Also how long did it take you in your last relationship to realize you didn't like him?
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: āYou donāt like him.ā āYouāre not feeling anything.ā āYouāre pretending.ā āYou donāt care.ā And then, he said something sweet ā something that shouldāve made me feel happy: āWe should marry.ā And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: āYou donāt want that.ā āYouāll never stay with him.ā āIf you really loved him, youād feel joy.ā And I hate it. I hate that Iām in this state. I donāt feel connected. I donāt feel clarity. I donāt even know what I feel anymore. I just feel⦠numb. And the worst part? It feels like I donāt even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like Iām lying ā even when Iām not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt ā please tell me Iām not alone.
I believe I have ROCD ā at least, thatās what many people here have told me based on what Iāve shared ā and I really need help, because I feel like Iām falling apart. I donāt know what I feel anymore. I donāt know whatās real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements ā not questions. They say things like: āNothing is the same.ā āYou donāt love him.ā āYouāre just staying because youāre used to him.ā And even though I know Iām supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them ā I canāt. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says ālove isnāt just a feelingā ā and I know that. But⦠I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. Itās been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is ā it all feels true. Sometimes I think: āWhat if Iām just denying the truth?ā āWhat if Iāve finally realized that I donāt love him, and I just donāt want to admit it?ā This feels like the worst version of myself. Iām so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didnāt help ā my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I donāt know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD ā if thatās what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I donāt want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just āexcited ā to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
I feel like I shouldnāt be with my partner anymore, but I have no clear reason why. I feel sad every single day, I have a constant heaviness in my chest, I cry often, and I start arguments with him. I canāt remember the good memories. Everything feels distant, fake, or tainted. I donāt know why I love him ā and all my thoughts tell me that I never truly did, that I only wanted to feel something, and now I finally see the truth. The worst part is that it all feels so real. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel guilty. I canāt feel love right now, but some part of me still wants to hold on, still wants help. I donāt want to make any decisions right now. I just want to know Iām not alone. Has anyone else gone through this?
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