- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
that's a little how relationships work when you first meet them they look like the hottest person on the planet but the longer yall are together the more they start looking dull the more you see them but you still love them for them just dont look for the flaws look for the good things ocd always trys to placebo itself as in excuse in this situation ocd always knows the perfect disguise for every situation also about him leaving you at the end just because he seen this post refer back to what i said at the beginning it usually happens in relationships in a whole so just think about it i wont say the point directly though i get scared people will come across my post about things ive done in the past which has caused me to trash 3 accounts and all their post on here by the way if he doesnt have ocd he doesn't really have any need on here and luckily if you're worried about him accessing it through your phone nocd even gives you an extra lock and at that you have your phone password and can download a third party app to lock apps
- Date posted
- 3y
That’s true. But because I’ve had anxious thoughts since the beginning of our relationship regarding his looks and my level of attraction I just don’t know if it’s a real issue or not. I was once in love with someone else who wasn’t the most conventionally attractive but I loved him for a plethora of other reasons. I’m just a more anxious person than I was back then and overthink things a lot more now. I think you’re right and I need to look for the good things. If I only look for the negatives then I’m bound to only see the negatives. That’s me in a nutshell though: always paying attention to the negatives of everything rather than the positives. He doesn’t have OCD so would never see the posts unless he goes through my phone, but he would never breach my trust like that so I know he’d never see this. Just a “what if he sees all this, it hurts him and he ends things with me” thought
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m obsessing about this lately too and it’s hell I feel like I’m not attracted enough to my husband and I feel awful for doubting my attraction. It sounds similar to what you said- I fell for him more for his soul and heart than his looks. He then became the most attractive person to me but now I find myself judging how he looks, like he’s not conventionally “hot” It’s not that I find him unattractive but I feel like my attraction isn’t enough and it’s causing me intense anxiety lately. I’m not even sure it’s just ocd anymore. I don’t know what advice to give but know you’re not alone.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for commenting! I’m sorry you’re going through something similar. I’m not sure this is ocd either, I think it might be me choosing to look for only the negatives. I read somewhere it’s called confirmation bias: if you look for what you want you’ll be sure to find it. The days I’m feeling happier and generally more positive I don’t over analyse his looks and feel the love and they pull of attraction. The days I’m in my head are worse. He is a beautiful person and I knew going into the relationship it was his soul and personality drawing me in. I just feel guilty because he’d be so hurt if he knew what I was thinking and I truly believe he deserves someone better than me who won’t pull him apart in their mind like I do. It’s awful because it builds up a wall between us in my mind
- Date posted
- 3y
@EM77 I hadn’t thought of looking at it that way but it does make a lot of sense. I find myself looking at photos of him trying to remind myself of the attraction but I think it doesn’t work when I’m looking for the negative even sub consciously. I feel you on the guilt though. I even tried to break up recently telling him he deserves better… I realised I really do not want that though so we didn’t. I can’t seem to stop obsessing which sucks
- Date posted
- 3y
@Loz89 I look at photos too. I think I need to stop all reassurance seeking now and just live with the uncertainty. I don’t want to break up either, it breaks my heart just thinking about it. I just wish things were easier, I feel like I’ve been robbed of the honeymoon phase and I feel so down all of the time
- Date posted
- 3y
@EM77 I know what you mean, I need to stop doing it too. I started feeling bad after the honeymoon phase ended, so even though it was there for a bit I still felt bad when it faded and I think it might have been what triggered the ocd, if that’s what this is. I’m really anxious a lot lately and it’s affecting my daily life. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I feel for you though ❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep overthinking about the guy I go to church and stuff with and we have had talks about relationships and he’s aware of everything but I feel like I’m not being completely honest. He’s a great man but I doubt because of his looks. He’s not ugly but I’ll see another guy and find that guy super attractive. My heart is so heavy because of my anxiety. I looked on google if you should tell someone honestly that you don’t find them attractive. I don’t know what to do! I feel like crying because what if I’m leading him on. I see post that say looks don’t matter and I agree but I doubt this guy a lot. What if I’m not being completely honest with him. After church we held hands and we hugged. When I’m near him I want to be close and hug not too much touchy stuff though but when I’m at home I’m doubting everything. I feel like a horrible person. I feel like I’m just making excuses or not getting to the point I’ll call my mom when my anxiety and mind starts acting up and then I’ll be calm and now it’s up
- Date posted
- 18w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 17w
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
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