Looking for all the flaws in my partner’s appearance makes me think that I’m just actually not attracted to him and that I’m in denial/using anxiety as an excuse. I used to think he was one of the best looking people I’ve been with and one day when I was feeling particularly infatuated months ago I remember thinking “how could I have ever have doubted this? He’s amazing!” I am now hyper aware that he’s not the most conventionally good looking person but it’s his soul that always made him attractive to me. I just can’t stop looking for ways to confirm I don’t find him attractive. I feel awful even typing this out. Even now my anxiety is telling me he’ll somehow come across all of my doubting posts and breakup with me because they’d hurt him to read

Relationship OCD

Sizmix

Date posted: 3y

that's a little how relationships work when you first meet them they look like the hottest person on the planet but the longer yall are together the more they start looking dull the more you see them but you still love them for them just dont look for the flaws look for the good things ocd always trys to placebo itself as in excuse in this situation ocd always knows the perfect disguise for every situation also about him leaving you at the end just because he seen this post refer back to what i said at the beginning it usually happens in relationships in a whole so just think about it i wont say the point directly though i get scared people will come across my post about things ive done in the past which has caused me to trash 3 accounts and all their post on here by the way if he doesnt have ocd he doesn't really have any need on here and luckily if you're worried about him accessing it through your phone nocd even gives you an extra lock and at that you have your phone password and can download a third party app to lock apps

EM77

Date posted: 3y

That’s true. But because I’ve had anxious thoughts since the beginning of our relationship regarding his looks and my level of attraction I just don’t know if it’s a real issue or not. I was once in love with someone else who wasn’t the most conventionally attractive but I loved him for a plethora of other reasons. I’m just a more anxious person than I was back then and overthink things a lot more now. I think you’re right and I need to look for the good things. If I only look for the negatives then I’m bound to only see the negatives. That’s me in a nutshell though: always paying attention to the negatives of everything rather than the positives. He doesn’t have OCD so would never see the posts unless he goes through my phone, but he would never breach my trust like that so I know he’d never see this. Just a “what if he sees all this, it hurts him and he ends things with me” thought

Loz89

Date posted: 3y

I’m obsessing about this lately too and it’s hell I feel like I’m not attracted enough to my husband and I feel awful for doubting my attraction. It sounds similar to what you said- I fell for him more for his soul and heart than his looks. He then became the most attractive person to me but now I find myself judging how he looks, like he’s not conventionally “hot” It’s not that I find him unattractive but I feel like my attraction isn’t enough and it’s causing me intense anxiety lately. I’m not even sure it’s just ocd anymore. I don’t know what advice to give but know you’re not alone.

EM77

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for commenting! I’m sorry you’re going through something similar. I’m not sure this is ocd either, I think it might be me choosing to look for only the negatives. I read somewhere it’s called confirmation bias: if you look for what you want you’ll be sure to find it. The days I’m feeling happier and generally more positive I don’t over analyse his looks and feel the love and they pull of attraction. The days I’m in my head are worse. He is a beautiful person and I knew going into the relationship it was his soul and personality drawing me in. I just feel guilty because he’d be so hurt if he knew what I was thinking and I truly believe he deserves someone better than me who won’t pull him apart in their mind like I do. It’s awful because it builds up a wall between us in my mind

Loz89

Date posted: 3y

@EM77 I hadn’t thought of looking at it that way but it does make a lot of sense. I find myself looking at photos of him trying to remind myself of the attraction but I think it doesn’t work when I’m looking for the negative even sub consciously. I feel you on the guilt though. I even tried to break up recently telling him he deserves better… I realised I really do not want that though so we didn’t. I can’t seem to stop obsessing which sucks

EM77

Date posted: 3y

@Loz89 I look at photos too. I think I need to stop all reassurance seeking now and just live with the uncertainty. I don’t want to break up either, it breaks my heart just thinking about it. I just wish things were easier, I feel like I’ve been robbed of the honeymoon phase and I feel so down all of the time

Loz89

Date posted: 3y

@EM77 I know what you mean, I need to stop doing it too. I started feeling bad after the honeymoon phase ended, so even though it was there for a bit I still felt bad when it faded and I think it might have been what triggered the ocd, if that’s what this is. I’m really anxious a lot lately and it’s affecting my daily life. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I feel for you though ❤️

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