Vent (ROCD)

I just wanted to let my thoughts and feelings out a bit because I haven't been able to take my mind off of this all day. Basically, I have been dealing with ROCD for the past year or so, and I am in my first relationship with my boyfriend (it's his first relationship as well). We're also both 19 and have been together for going on two years now. Dealing with ROCD has obviously been extremely challenging and even debilitating at times, but I'm finally getting the help that I need. I've also been struggling with healing from childhood trauma and things like that, and aside from my own problems, my boyfriend has been going through a lot as well. I think both of our mental health issues affect the relationship, but we overall have a really healthy relationship and we both put in the effort to be there for each other and try to understand each other too. Lately, my OCD has been getting worse and I find myself getting extremely anxious, most likely due to the fact that my exposure work is getting more intense and also my boyfriend and I have been having a little bit more conflict lately, but I think it's just normal relationship struggles. I choose not to talk about my relationship with people who don't understand ROCD, because I find that I end up feeling frustrated and misunderstood. Today, I was talking to my sister about a conflict that we were having, and she just ended up saying that if it's meant to be it's meant to be and that maybe we're just not right for each other and that we might break up. This triggered me heavily, because that is obviously the LAST thing someone with ROCD wants to hear. At this point, my anxiety was through the roof and it caused me to feel angry, so I snapped at her. This isn't the first time that she's said this to me and it feels like she says this every time I want to talk about my relationship, which is why I don't even like talking to her about it in the first place. I know that she means well and that she probably thinks that this might be what's best for me because she sees that the relationship stresses me out and she just wants me to be okay, but she doesn't understand that breaking up is not something I want, plan to do, or something that will even help my OCD. Even so, I told her that I want her to stop saying that to me because she's not going to change my mind and that I know that I want to stay in this relationship, and so does my boyfriend. She responded by saying "Okay that's fine, well you'll see. I'm only saying this because I have more experience than you do, so you'll see what I mean with time." Which meant to me that she feels like my relationship won't last and that I'm too young and inexperienced to know what I'm talking about. This is something that I keep thinking about and it makes me both anxious and angry, because it just fuels the fear that I'm going to lose my partner and also makes me feel a bit disrespected because I feel like she just isn't taking my relationship seriously or trying to understand what I'm going through because she's projecting her own personal experiences onto me. I'm just tired of my family telling me that my relationship won't last because I'm young and it's my first relationship. I understand that not many first relationships last, but I genuinely feel like with everything that my boyfriend and I have been through together already and how committed we are especially despite the trouble that ROCD has put in our way, we have a really good chance and we don't plan on giving up on each other.

Relationship OCD

ChrissyCat03

Date posted: 2y

Okay wait so you're telling Relationship anxiety is just Relationship OCD? I'm new to this whole ocd thing and all the subtypes. And I always thought I had relationship anxiety (in general and because of all my last relationships). But is it just the same thing as ROCD, is that what that is?

gettingmoni

Date posted: 2y

@ChrissyCat03 Hi there! The way i would distinguish ROCD from relationship anxiety is the way that you handle your thoughts. So for relationship anxiety, you might have a lot of worries about your relationships and maybe obsess over them, but for OCD I feel like the key thing is for there to be compulsions as well. That being said, if you have intrusive thoughts/urges, followed by obsessing over them, and then you do something (consciously or unconsciously) to get rid of that thought urge and to find relief only to end up back at square one with the thought/urge, it’s possible that you have OCD! Also, compulsions can be mental or physical, and most of mine are mental, which is why it took me so long to get help and find out that I have OCD.

ChrissyCat03

Date posted: 2y

@gettingmoni makes sense. Thank you

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

hi i am wondering how you are doing right now with these issues?

vvuong

Date posted: 24w

ROCD or my values to break up?

I've been in this relationship for 1.5 yrs on and off and what I like about her is She's smart, beautiful, cleans, she says she loves me, she cooks for me. But what I noticed about this person from the beginning is that she is negative about her past, such as getting her things stolen, going to mental hospitals back to back and people did her wrong. And I was there to be there for her such as when she is in pain, I take her to doctors, or whatever I can do to make her feel better. But I've noticed throughout the relationship that she checks on my phone and checks if im talking to someone. And always mixes up with her memory thinking I cheating on her on the relationship.. honestly her memory is not clear. Most of the time she would ask me am I talking to a girl or when I do uber do I casual talk to them, and the conversation I have is just about, How's the neighborhood here? The food around here. About God.. Nothing flirtatious what's so ever. But she always give me a conversation about other women. 2x I spoke to her about my ocd. (1st time I broke up with her because she was angry at me, and I can understand and so I broke it off) One was sexual thoughts during sex 2nd time (is an ex theme) Because I know she hates these subjects so I avoid it. This is why I tell myself don't have these thoughts, the more I don't want them, it appears in my awareness and it causes me emotional distress. I've told her about it (it could be a compulsion) she wasn't happy and seemed mad about it. So I just feel like just call it quits... because I've tried my very best to get rid of these thoughts and don't want to give her pain. I can understand why she is angry and that she loves me ( she reaches out and wants to work things out ) But what I truly do not like is when she gets mad when there are no problems such as that uber issue, she would say ok if you do that I'll talk to guys then, (in my head, what do you mean? In what way? I wasn't flirtatious or anything) What I believe is how we grew up and raised different. Throughout the relationship, when we argue (mostly about women, about her issues like who are you texting is it a girl? She would vent all the time about how she hates her workplace and jumps from job to job) My beliefs if we love each other, we should encourage each other to grow. there is no reason to opposing us from growing - to be angry, jealous, arguments etc. I do believe in God. That is why most of the time I feel like she is always talking about the past mistakes - she talked down on me about being with a prostitute - 7 yrs ago (way before this relationship started). She curses alot.. And for all these reasons I should quit the relationship. But she has the nerve to say I am unstable and that she is tired of hearing I keep kicking her out the house (it didn't happen, but she doesn't realize my needs - as in why aren't we growing from this area? - as in why are you always mad at people from work? Or why do you get annoyed all the time? I give her advice in these areas but she knows im tired of hearing about this. So she talks to her family about it. But i realized she wanted me to care for her... i do but i also do tough love... we cant just vent 24/7.) And when I told her about my ocd and broken up due to the fact of having sexual images ( I can't control it) She moved to TX and I visited her a couple times. She said she is suffering without me. And so i took her back. She don't like to talk about exes so the theme ex stuck in my head and I wanted to get rid of it. That's what cause the second breakup. I confessed to her about my problems of why the breakup happened and it seemed like she couldn't accept it , she does not understand ocd and she said she don't care. I blocked her and she was going to send me a message saying she will be there for me and love me alot and wants to grow together. But I am still resentful for what happened. Til this day I'm still afraid of her and my thoughts whenever I'm around her. -- Now she wants to marry me.. but I'm unsure because it seems forceful and that she doesn't understand what I'm going through. Even when we communicate I feel she will judge me for my ocd (even when i look for help) and I feel resentful because I feel like I did nothing wrong. There is no other woman involved, no cheating. It's just my ocd and she keeps saying I think of my ex all the time. I am not trying to hold on to flaws but thinking back of her patterns haunts me. I love her. We have seperated for months and she said she is having problems with the landlord.. So it tells me something why is she having problems with other people alot?? Whenever she's around my ocd flares up, when she's not around I feel ease but in a week, I would feel like I miss her and want to be back with her again... it's really confusing -- Today, I did ERP and the thought appeared less but she wants to be back with me and move in with me. And also marry me. But today I've been thinking of her flaws (angry, suspect me alot if there is another woman, use petty things when there arent any real issue.. the real issue is she is annoyed all the time). We say we love each other. I do love her. Sometimes I want to quit permanently, sometimes I don't. I'm confused, is this OCD? I don't know if I should stay with her. Thanks for reading my post. Any advice is appreciated. I'll also message this to my therapist. I dont feel distressed about breaking up, but can these thoughts lead you to breaking up? ( I think I answered my own question but need to know)

Firefly girl

Date posted: 22w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

melly07

Date posted: 7w

rOCD

I wanted to talk about my experiences with rOCD since I currently do still suffer from it but I know if I talked about them. My thoughts are just gonna get stronger, but I’ll do it for the sake of talking about my experiences to others who feel like they’re alone. I have a very loving relationship actually my first healthy relationship we are currently still dating one year and six months. I would say these intrusive thoughts started to happen once I hit the one year mark with him. Nothing in the relationship has made me think these thoughts, but it just came. Like when my mind tried to make me think I liked another guy other than my boyfriend and that I was losing feelings for him. I started to panic because I knew that my heart belonged to my boyfriend and having thoughts that were against that belief it made me really anxious cause I never had those thoughts before. I was in and out of the care center at my school constantly having anxiety attacks, and it was affecting me day by day. I talk to my boyfriend about it because my mind can never keep secrets from him because then I would feel like that I’m lying to him… my mind just kinda works that way and I believe it’s due to the situation I have with rOCD. Luckily, he was really supportive.. in thoughts I’ve had was what if I don’t like him anymore or if he doesn’t do this does that mean he likes me or if he’s even the one just a lot of doubts about me and him in the relationship. And for anyone who’s experiencing stuff familiar to this you are not alone invalid only what you believe is what is true. And I know it’s gonna be hard to know what’s true or not because these thoughts that you have versus what’s in your heart you get confused but if you know that you love that person then that’s what true. Also, the only reason why it affected me a lot was because I kept trying to solve it and the only solution is to let those thoughts in and accept that you have those thoughts. I don’t mean as an accept that these thoughts are true, but accepts that those are the thoughts that you’re thinking because if you keep on trying to find a solution to remove them, it only just get worse.

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Vent (ROCD)

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