Bridgerton has me triggered!!!

I’m watching the bachelorette with my brother and I’m looking at all the cute boys and I can tell their cute, but my mind is constantly messing with me. It makes me think my feelings are fake ughhh they aren’t. I know they aren’t because these boys are reallyyyyy cute??

My fb videos is filled with clips of sitcoms, I keep watching this show called B99 even though I’ve watched it numerous times. There was this one clip about a character called Rosa coming out to her colleagues and friends, when Amy asked her what made her know that she was bi- she answered that when she was a kid, she watched this show and thought this guy and a girl were both hot. Now lately whenever I see some girl who’s attractive or even noticed their cleavages- my mind immediately thinks that they’re hot. It’s still a trigger for me and I find myself getting anxious. I know there are women who are attractive and even called “hot” platonically by other women but what Rosa said has stuck in my mind and it keeps making me think that I’m also bi. I feel like this a spike but it feels so real. I just got off a situationship with a guy who ghosted me and whom I genuinely loved. I’ve been going through some hurtful feelings, getting more piercings, cutting my hair. I don’t want people to think I’m into women when I do this kind of stuff. I’ve also been getting anxious about “signs” like I’ve had terrible relationships with men. Most of them end up breaking up with me and it’s making me think what if I wasn’t made to “be” with a guy. That sticks in my mind all the damn time it’s frustrating.

hey, do you guys ever as yourselfs if its OCD or not with SOOCD? because I really feel like this theme is different... I have had other themes (health OCD and harm OCD) but got over them quickly compared to SOOCD. My issue with SOOCD is that it started at a really young age for me... and I watched videos about girls realising they're bi ou gay (yes I did and it was super trigerring) and it felt like I could relate on some level? But then some of my very straight friends also told me they could relate? I'm so lost and sooo stressed and honeslty I just want to be happy no matter what the outcome is I just dont want to be hiding my true self because of society. But then at the same time, I've been with my bf for 6 years and I feel like I really love him but every year we have this big conversation whether I believe this is real true love or platonic love and if we have to break up... and I always ask him if he feels something off about me (because apparently partners can know) and I always notice that whenever I'm busy at work or with friends I actually feel fine even tho the thoughts are still here.... but I'm also just scared that its comphet (yes I searched that too and got triggered). My therapist told me to live day by day and it has been great doing that but sometimes when I'm with my friends and they talk about love or the future etc I feel like I cant really relate but if I imagine it with a women (I know this is testing but it happens) it feels more intense and deep? I dont understand anything anymore so please if someone is going through that let me know! I'm 26 btw and I just dont want to be doing a mistake that's gonna ruin multiple lives later on! PS : did anyone whatch Bridgertion season 3? (Spoiler Alert!!) Francesca's story line really really triggered me! like I even imagined being fransceca and felt like I could fall in love with that women just by looking at her (and I dont believe that's possible in reality so I dont get it) Thanks for your help!!