Everything feels so scary

Yesterday at work I had a conversation with my bi best friend and her bi boyfriend and I kept having thoughts that I was bi and it felt very strong and I felt convinced that I was having feelings for my best friend and I think I got it confused with platonic feelings because I lover her to death because she’s my best friend and that’s it I never had a friend like her before so I think I got it confused. But now I think they both believe I’m bi and I don’t want to be for multiple reasons. I’m absolutely terrified. I’m a Christian and I have no judgment whatsoever to anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or whatever. It’s in my blood to love everyone as Jesus did. But I don’t want to be and I’m scared that because they are both my co workers and they like to spread rumors, that everyone is going to think I’m bisexual and I don’t know how to deal with all that. What do I do? 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

You know what I thought that same thing but for my best friend . Then I just confronted the thoughts and hung out with all of them one day literally all day I exposed myself too it and let myself have anxiety for it and then the anxiety that day went away cause when I was with all my guy friends I didn’t feel any attraction towards them no desire to be with them , no arousal when we lifted with our shirts off , no nothing I confronted the thoughts and exposed myself to everyone and it really helped . When you have thoughts like that you just have too expose yourself to the people that make you anxious like your own form of erp. Trust me that day really helped me I was doing awful until that day and now I feel hope . You can do this and trust me those thoughts aren’t you . Im not a hater of gay , bi or anything . My sister is bi but that Dosent mean that you are just because you are okay with it . These thoughts don’t define you , keep your head up .

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much. I will try that. I’m just feeling so much fear it’s near unbearable. I don’t feel very mentally stable as it is. I have so much going on in my life right now and I don’t know if I’ll make it without breaking down

Username: mostdope42mostdope42

Date posted: 2y ago

i get this!! i used to have a bi best friend and she would talk about her sexuality a lot almost in a bragging way?? she would brag about a lot of things but she would make fun of me for being straight and poke fun at me calling me boring cause i’m a “het”. it made me feel like i had to be bi to be interesting enough or cool enough to be her friend. and ofc in combination with my SO-OCD i felt like i MUST be bi by association and for all of my other “reasons” that ocd finds for me being bi. i think it’s important to really embrace uncertainty. stare your fear in the face!

Username: jmmmjmmm

Date posted: 2y ago

I have the same feelings as this. The good news is because my bff is part of the lgbtq community I get a lot of exposure work done by hanging out with her lol. Embrace the uncertainty and live your life how you want

Username: RíonaRíona

Date posted: 2y ago

Even if you were bi, you wouldn't have to 1) tell anyone, 2) come out, 3) date girls, 4) acknowledge being bi in any way. So what exactly are you afraid of?

Username: cnv

Date posted: 5y ago

So basicaly Two days ago I found a video on YouTube about astrology, and the woman speaking said smth like: you should look inside yourself because you have a tendency to ignore your own identity and your own true feelings. Instantly I thought of this endeavouring rumination about me being bisexual. Cause now I’ve kinda come to terms with the fact that in no way am I gay. So okay, the thing is, recently I’ve started to think that girls especially have an inclination towards bisexuality, mainly because they are affectionate with other girls. Bear in mind the fact that, since this hocd started, the lines between normal dating actions and behaviours between people are blurred to me. Now I realize that I am ruminating more and more this possibility of me being bisexual, but there are counter arguments like : I would never ever date a woman, I would never ever have sex with a woman and to me they are beautiful yes, they are sexy etc but I don’t want to do anything with them. Then, my consequent thought is maybe I have internalized homophobia idk. This is all soooo distressful and irritating and confusing. Deep down I know that I am a straight girl, but I feel guilty every time someone asks about my boyfriend because of these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I am lying to them, telling them that I am straight, when in fact I am not. Have you ever had such experiences?

Username: aquarius01

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m literally having a panic attack. I’m reading all these articles about straight women watching lesbian porn and a lot of the articles say it doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, but that you could be heading towards a bi lifestyle and I just can’t handle that. Like I don’t want to be bi, but I’m scared I am! I feel like my life is ruined and I’ll never be the same. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. All I ever wanted was guys and now my head is messing with me and making me believe I’m now attracted to girls. It doesn’t make me happy at all! It just causes me anxiety and depression, but I feel like a lot of bi people talk about going through that. I wish I had never even watched porn. I feel like it’s caused all of this. Like that it could have made me bi. Now I hate myself for it. I can’t even hang out with any of my female friends anymore. My whole life is just ruined. Sorry to rant but it’s the only place I can.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonanxiety

Date posted: 5y ago

Basically my good friend came out as bi. We were talking about how our parents would be if we said we had a boyfriend and she was like they wouldn’t be happy if she got a boyfriend let alone a girlfriend. I want to be supportive of her but when she said it I got wave anxiety and I feel like she might of thought I wasn’t supportive. So when ever I see her I feel like I have to be over happy like smiling and waving just so she doesn’t think I judge her which I don’t. Before hocd I just thought of being bi, gay, lesbian as normal as being straight even though my parents were homophobic and now I believe in my heart that but my brain has other things to say about it. So I don’t know what to do because I feel like I’m going back as this happened before when this other girl was bi, I would get such anxiety sitting next to her.

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Everything feels so scary

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