Today

Yesterday was so good, I had my first session with my NOCD therapist. Then today comes and I’m in a whirlwind. Nothing feels real everything feels so fake. I have intrusive thoughts slipping into my head every second. They aren’t even what ifs they are now statements. The fact that they are statements rather than what ifs or questions make me feel like a horrible person. Instead of what if I don’t love my boyfriend. Or what if I don’t want to be with him. It’s I don’t want to. And I don’t. It’s causing a lot of anxiety. And then I think well is this bothering me enough? Do I feel scared enough? Does the thought of you leaving him bother you enough? What if it doesn’t? What if I do leave? What if what if what if. I feel crazy.

Relationship OCD

Username: Liz Lake Liz Lake

Date posted: 2y ago

Hi friend. I know this thought and feeling process too well. Your ocd is looking for certainty that it can’t have. Relationships are not like math. What’s more, the more you search for this answer, the more stuck you get in the rumination cycle. I know this sounds and feels dangerous, but the best thing you can do is allow yourself to not figure out whether or not you love or like your partner. It’s going to feel incredibly awkward at first, but it gets better the more you stop seeking an answer. It also sounds like you created a back door spike with your ocd “coming to a conclusion” that you don’t love your boyfriend. This is like your brain got sick of feeling anxious and ruminating that it found a route to safety by saying you don’t love him. Again, let go of needing an answer or conclusion. Let yourself just live life without figuring anything out.

Username: MadiKMadiK

Date posted: 2y ago

I read your bio. And it makes me happy to know that it is possible to overcome it. It’s scary very scary. It seems impossible. Im also worried I have trauma from my last relationship and that’s is making this a lot worse. Because I’m scared I feel that way so I constant thoughts of what if I feel that way again. What if I can’t get out what if I get stuck. It’s all very scary because then I wonder we’ll what if it’s not ocd what if its trauma. What if I jumped in this relationship too fast what if. And it’s just constant doubt. Learning to sit with this discomfort will hopefully be the answers I’ve been looking for.

Username: crc_1394crc_1394

Date posted: 2y ago

This was very inspiring! Thank you for posting it! I suffer with the thoughts/ideas of breaking up sometimes making my body feel good and less anxious. I always draw the conclusion that, that means I really don’t want my relationship or care to try and continue on. It’s super scary-can your tips apply to this too? I’ve had ocd for all of my relationship and it’s making my relationship seem less than everyday. It’s been this way for almost 6 years and I can tell my body and mind are fed up, especially when it exacerbates problems with my bf etc.

Username: Liz Lake Liz Lake

Date posted: 2y ago

@MadiK I also have trauma from past relationships, but if you question if it’s ROCD or trauma, it’s likely ROCD. When your mind starts anything with “what if” you can probably assume it’s leading toward rumination, which is a compulsion that needs to stop before you can get better. Take the risk. Let yourself feel the anxiety of not doing a compulsion. It gets easier the more you don’t feed your brain with the rumination or reassurance seeking compulsion. Don’t sit with the discomfort. Go do life stuff! Walk around with the discomfort, paint with the discomfort, go on a run with the discomfort, eat a meal with your discomfort.

Username: Liz Lake Liz Lake

Date posted: 2y ago

@crc_1394 These tips apply to literally every type of ocd—including somatic. Give yourself permission to do the risky thing of not ruminating. It will feel pretty awful and impossible at first, especially if you’ve been stuck for 6 years in ROCD land. Your ocd can convince you of literally anything if you ruminate. Don’t give it that power. Allow yourself to stop.

Username: D○MD○M

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm in my 3rd week of therapy with a NOCD specialist. Things have definitely gotten worse and I broke down on the video with him yesterday about it. Things will get worse as we start to face our OCD. It sucks, yes, and I am holding on to the notion that things will also get better and that all of this is worth it. I've gone my whole life with this (Pure OCD, ROCD and some others), and am ready to face it all to surpass it. To be okay with uncertainty. I wish you the best along your journey!💗

Username: MadiKMadiK

Date posted: 2y ago

I wish you the best as well. This stuff is just hard!

Username: tasha123

Date posted: 5y ago

Why does my OCD feel so real? One minute I’m so in love with my boyfriend then the next I fear I’m falling out of love and that I’m meant to be with someone else. I feel so numb and empty I just feel emotionless once the anxiety fades away. It actually feels as if my thoughts are true how can I just feel like me again

Relationship OCD

Username: ELO

Date posted: 5y ago

Ocd warriors please some advice ❤️ Are fake feelings a thing? Or am I just making stuff up. Sometimes I “feel” all these horrible things about my partner but I know even in those moments deep down that I love him! And when I’m not in those moments it’s not even just deep down that I love him - it’s right there, on the surface. I even feel guilty typing ‘deep down’ but it’s the only way I can try and explain it. I’m a 13hr shift tomorrow and I can’t even bare to think of it and how I will get through it feeling the way I do. For the first time in a while I’ve had suicidal thoughts and that’s not really like me. My fake ‘feelings’ make me feel I’ve betrayed my boyfriend, and I feel I’m not in control and have opposite actions. For example actions I don’t want to do, that I do. E.g, leaning too close over a colleague when reaching for something near them. I don’t know what else to do?

Username: Jayjayg9494

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m really struggling today, my thoughts are so aggressive, they won’t stop. They keep telling me you don’t wanna be with him, and so much more and they are the exact opposite of how I feel. It’s been like this for days and gotten increasingly worse, I just feel so tired of fighting, I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed by my own thoughts and so out of control of my own mind. My birthdays coming up and my partner called to ask me what my ring size was, the minute I got off the phone I burst into tears. I had a very short therapy session this morning as part of a trial run free therapy thing being offered within the UK. The therapist was very kind, although it was only 20 minutes she said it sounds like you are really are struggling with anxiety, depression & intrusive thoughts, for a moment I felt relief. I felt believed, I didn’t feel so alone or like I was going insane. She encouraged me to challenge the thoughts, to hold onto the good things & to not let my negative subconscious thoughts destroy this relationship they on a conscious level I know I very very much want. I know that OCD attacks everything and over the last 7 weeks the spectrum of doubts, questions & thoughts I’ve had have been so broad and intense. But I honestly think this has to be the worst, feeling like your fighting your own mind to be in a relationship you want is a new type of torture. I just feel so defeated today.

Relationship OCD

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