Agree or not?

I wanna start out by saying, I am really proud of how far I've come in recognizing my OCD tendencies and learned about how it can show up intersectionally for BIPOC folks who have racialized trauma and how me, being a White person, how it manifests itself for me. I'd also like to say, this is gonna be more of an analytical and reflective post. Please feel free to read and respond with any critiques or thoughts you have. I'm embarrassed about it nowadays, but it's important to acknowledge because it was a HUGE part of my teenage personality, unfortunately. I used to be a HUGE Shane Dawson fan 😭 like, his content was my strongest hyperfixation to date. So at this point in time, I feel like I'm still trying to decipher what kind of racial commentary and satire and jokes are genuinely funny and which are just perpetuating stereotypes and straight up minstrelsy. Shout out to D'Angelo Wallace for making the video essay that woke me up to seeing this issue more clearly. I try to be aware of how I can easily fall into just laughing at racial stereotypes without being aware of the serious consequences it has for BIPOC people, but at the same time, I don't want to be too worried about everything being racist and therefore that means it's bad and should be banned, cause that's also not always helpful, I've noticed. So racialized fear and polarization is something I'm deconstructing. I hate to admit this, too, 'cause it's embarrassing, but my OCD seems to latch onto racial issues. I end up obsessing about whether or not I'm causing marginalized people harm or not, particularly when it comes to racism. I believe this is because I know I was one of those White kids who was into "edgy" humor when I was a teen. I think it's just lingering guilt from knowing that was wrong, but OCD makes my guilt and rumination and therefore compulsions to "fix" it so much worse than most people. It's frustrating, but I have come a very long way in confronting and dealing with it. I'm very proud of myself for being aware that that's an issue I have. I've got to give credit where credit is due, to my biracial friend (who also happens to have OCD) for essentially helping me learn this, albeit the hard way with many arguments about racism and trauma. It's something that isn't talked about much, but we're learning to build bridges in our understanding of how mental health affects us as people with different forms of racialized trauma. Mine's not so much trauma, but social stigma, whereas his was from actual bullying and harassment and physical assault, simply because of his race. I've also learned how to recognize and deal with my own mental health issues WHILE confronting race because of Black advocates like Tony Nabors who does Racial Equity Insights, F.D. Signifier who does really great intersectional analyses on social issues pertaining to Black people, and D'Angelo Wallace for being the first Black YouTuber that made the problem with Shane Dawson video that finally helped me break out of my lowkey toxic parasocial/trauma bond relationship I had with him, lol. Does this post seem too wordy and analytical for this forum? Let me know if this isn't the right audience for this type of writing and reflection. I just wanted to talk about it because it's something I had to figure out largely on my own. Wondering if anyone else relates to this or can see themselves in this.

I got obsessed again in researching crime and its relation to race and socioeconomic conditions. While looking up a bunch of opinions and statistics I came across one opinion in a subreddit for black men saying that crime is a good thing and seemed to encourage it because there’s no other way to get by. Not every black person would resort to crime obviously but the comment seemed to be supported by a lot of other people. I got a thought saying “this is why black people get a bad rep” and I immediately questioned my thinking. I really started thinking about the ethics of crime in general and how it may be acceptable in certain situations. Still I feel like crime should be avoided when it can, not encouraged. I feel terrible for having this thought and even more terrible that I agree with it if that makes sense. I feel like I’m being racist by having this perspective. I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed an opinion on this because I’ve never faced these conditions before, but I’m trying really hard to understand.

Was chilling with my housemate and we was watching family guy the episode was of Peter griffin and the other guy forgot his name dressed up as police beating up a cleveland (black guy) and she was like look look and then laughing saying they’re gonna do a racist joke and I understood the context behind it but me as a black women idk I felt uncomfortable with her saying I do find racist jokes funny no race is safe they even mocked Portuguese people (We both speak Portuguese but she’s white) Like idk am I overthinking it for not wanting to be like hanging with her anymore why do ppl always have to ruin something we had such a good night.