Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

What do I do?

So I’m really struggling right now because I remember a few months ago my 11 year old niece was visiting and I was hanging out with her and POCD is my worst theme so I remember she was standing next to me or showing me something and she leaned against my knee and I think it was the below part and I’m so scared what if I violated her somehow because I remember I was scared to move and I panicked and moved away from her and I’m so scared of what if I did something wrong even though I had no intentions of doing so I was just sitting there while she was talking or showing me something and it was at a time that I was having an ocd attack I don’t know if it’s blowing me out of proportion but my mind is telling me that I just sat there and let it happen and that I violated her and I really hope to God I didn’t. I was panicked and afraid to move because it felt odd and scary at the time

POCD

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

This is just OCD, I’m absolutely positive you would remember doing something like that, especially when your POCD is high, it’s just OCD creating false scenarios in your head to get to you

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

I know but I’m so scared what if I violated her somehow because my knee could of been there a while or something even though she did it unconsciously and I panicked and got scared

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

I don’t know what’s going on with me right now but all the intrusive thoughts and stuff is coming back stronger because I guess I have my real event under control now it’s hitting me with new stuff and stuff from my past (besides my real event) also I guess because I’m going through something stressful at work too maybe my anxiety is getting worse but I’m having an anxiety attack right now and I dont feel well and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to go down any more than I already have these past few months

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ I’m dealing with that exact thing right now, I put a lot of my past real event to rest and now it’s coming back to past things that are haunting me. It’s reminding me of a horrible thought I had last year, while I didn’t ever act on the thought and haven’t ever wanted to, it’s the fact that it came to me and that I wasn’t panicked, I snapped out of that thought and realized how horrible it was, but just having that thought alone, it’s making me incredibly suicidal

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ As far as for your obsessions, I know for a fact you didn’t, violation requires intent and you purposely doing it, you would never and I know it’s just your OCD, you’re a good person

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver Yeah but I didn’t move at first because I was afraid too. I should of moved immediately because my mind was trying to figure out if it was her leg or not and then the panic set in and then I freaked out and moved

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver I’m so sorry you are dealing with this too. Please know you are not alone. I have suicidal thoughts a lot and I just want you to know that’s not the answer. Everything will be ok. It may not look like it right now but give it time. Work on erp and if you need someone to talk to on here you know I’ll answe

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ When I am able to anyways

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ Thank you, it’s just I was so stupid and naive as an 18 year old, I had no idea that what I did would affect me so much, I just figured I was being a dumb 18 year old and I’d laugh about it in the future

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ And thank you, you didn’t do anything wrong though, what you did was not wrong in the slightest

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver Ok thank you so much for understanding and yeah I relate a bit. I was so dumb when I was younger

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver Unfortunately I’m struggling again with something different and I’m really anxious right now. If you can read my last post I feel so weird and icky right now

dee012

Date posted: 16w

pocd real event :(

feels like I violated a family friends son who is 10 years old because I was holding a kitty on my lap and they were scratching under the cats chin and I went to scratch under the cats chin as well but we ended up touching hands bc we were both scratching under but like I didn’t care bc I was just like awww kitty or whatever but then when we touched hands and he moved his hand away it freaked me out like I did something bad or violated him. It felt like I cupped and grazed his hand because I went to scratch under the cats chin but he was doing so as well. And when he moved his hand away it like slid past my hand and it just made me feel like I did something weird. Some people would be able to do this and not freak out and even continue scratching under the cats chin with the little boy and not care but I care and it’s making me feel really weird and bad. And also him moving his hand away when I touched it makes me feel like I did something bad. This all happened in a span of a literal second and I just want to disappear

danielllll

Date posted: 16w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

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