Panicking

I was reading a book and the character talked about diminishing romantic feelings or lessened when faced with tough situations and being realistic and I was like "so it's normal" since I often struggle to feel romantic towards my partner after arguments or other matters and now I'm panicking because it said disminishing and I just immediately agreed. I'm scared I don't like him. What kind of person tries to convince themselves they aren't lying to themselves and actually like them? I feel like a fraud and a liar. I feel so uncomfortable but most uncomfortable at the fact that I'm struggling to feel guilt for these thoughts even though I don't want them and don't like them. What if I am faking it and really don't like him? I'm thinking of all the little things you're supposed to do and I just can't seem to be invested even though he's amazing. But then saying this I feel like all those girls say "he is an amazing guy....Buuut" and I don't want to be that girl. Please tell me someone has experienced the same?

Relationship OCD

Another

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

yes i have rocd and this is a common theme in my episodes

Isss123

Date posted: 3y

Hey! I suffer from ROCD too. I completely identify with what you’re experiencing. I feel bad for not feeling bad enough, I worry my feelings towards my boyfriend are more platonic, I struggle with engaging sexually due to other OCD themes and medication, these boost my ‘proof’ that I don’t see my boyfriend in that way. It’s difficult every single day. One thing I would say that helps me a lot is I remind myself of those moments of clarity I have (although they are rare) where I can feel the love I have for my boyfriend, I feel attracted to him and everything is great. That’s real, not the pain and stress we put ourselves through with OCD. As I’m writing this my mind is telling me I’m lying and I’m in denial, but we will get there. Im happy to chat to you more about this if you think that would be helpful :) - issy

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

I struggle to remember if I have those rare moments of love even. I'm scared that I've never had them, and every time I feel like I just KNOW I feel deeply for him but I either can't recall or can't feel. It sounds so stupid so say Out loud and if anybody hear my say it they'd probably think it's bs. But it feels good to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts and feelings.

Isss123

Date posted: 3y

I know it’s difficult to sit with that uncertainty, but you wouldn’t be so hurt by these feelings if they were the case! I’ve ended relationships before and been understandably sad, but have seeked time with friends and family or wanted to go out and get drunk! Instead, these feelings hurt me I seek out reassurance and am testing myself, I’m sure you’re the same. Everyone’s feelings towards partners are different we can’t compare our unique feelings to anyone else. (Something I do when I have a good day is make sure I journel it and my feelings!! Then you can look back and remind yourself there are some moments of relief) all the best x

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

Do you ever feel no hurt to the feeling? Like I just feel numb because I'm so used to it or I feel emotionless and the fact that I don't react scares me.

Isss123

Date posted: 3y

Yeah it’s crazy sometimes I feel like I don’t care and I get thoughts pop into my head telling me to roll my eyes at it and end it etc etc. Its endless, the problem is we’re so worked up that we can’t figure out what we’re even feeling. What I’ve found is as soon as we’re aware of something I.e feeling numb we focus on that! The mind and body is good at tricking us. The fact is, we’re scared, emotional and tired from the weight of OCD. How are we supposed to feel when that hangs over us! I’m usually just exhausted

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

Everything that I experience sounds exactly like everything you experience but I always disinvalidate myself into thinking that I'm not really experiencing thoughts that are intrusive because although I heavily relate to, not only experiencing this subtype of OCD but other as well, I'm not clinically diagnosed nor do I have the resources at this time to do so. So it just feels like I constantly use this as an excuse and only end up feeling emotionless towards my SO and having thoughts I don't want like critiquing him.

Isss123

Date posted: 3y

I know, it’s difficult I don’t know where you’re based but I’m in the UK. Although NHS is great, I had a phone call where I basically said I believed I had OCD, and I was given prescription drugs. I’m currently on 20mg of peroxetine. The fact I almost self diagnosed myself bothers me, like they haven’t really officially diagnosed me, nor did they understand (over the phone) my explaination of mental compulsions. They just asked me if I cleaned a lot! I feel like I use OCD as an excuse too, but we’re not. ❤️

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i had a panic atack please respond please

I just had a panic attack. It feels too real. It feels like I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Why is this happening? Why don’t I feel anything? Why don’t I love him? Why am I even questioning whether I ever loved him in the first place? I’ve been stuck in this for so long that I’m starting to believe it’s the truth. What if I feel this way because I just don’t want to accept that I don’t like him? What if I led him on this entire time? When I talk to him, I feel nothing. I’m not interested in anything. I can’t have conversations with him, I can’t kiss him, I just feel numb and fake. I feel horrible. What is happening to me? How did I get here? Why don’t I feel okay? I don’t understand what I feel. I feel like I’m lying to myself, like I’m stuck in this terrifying loop. I also feel like I don’t even care that I’m hurting him. I know he’s upset, and I know this is affecting him too, but I feel nothing about it. I don’t know why. It’s like something is blocking me from feeling anything. I know I should care. I know I love him. So why do I feel like I don’t? I feel so lost. I feel like I’ve changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. What if this is real? I just want to feel normal again. i dont understand what is happening. i fear i didn’t love him ever because these thoughts started in the 4th month of us being together. in two months we make 2 years. am i leading him on? im a horrible person. i dont understand .

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

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