Schizo- OCD

When I first started to deal with Schiz-OCD it has always been fear about internal voices. I’ve become overly obsessed with the process of my inner dialogue. This has always been the main fear regarding Schiz-OCD. Questioning my inner monologue, command thoughts/voices, mocking thoughts/voices, voice commenting on what your doing. Anything you can think of. It’s more like I’m thinking the voices if that makes sense. It’s more of a thought/voice but I feel that I have habituated it to the point that it’s automatic and I have lost control of this inner speech. I can create how it sounds, what it says and the tone of it based on my imagination. But I feel that it is getting to the point of real schizophrenia. I’ve been checking in with multiple psychiatrists and professionals who don’t think I have schizophrenia at all. I don’t have any delusions,external hallucinations, disorganized thinking or speech. It’s only the inner voice/thought things and I’m not sure what to do. Is this Pure O or Schizophrenia ? Very confused on what this could mean for my future. Feels as if I’m developing my biggest fear and that it’s not OCD anymore.

Disclaimer, I am diagnosed with OCD, GAD, PTSD, ADHD, Panic Disorder and hypochondria. I’ve been in the midst of what I hope and pray is just an extremely debilitating health ocd theme for about 4 months now, where I’ve basically convinced myself I am in the midst of psychosis or developing schizophrenia or a related disorder. I obsess over it day and night to the point where I can’t even function hardly. Constantly researching symptoms and seeking reassurance. Ive been having this weird symptom where my ear canal will randomly feel this pressure/ticklish sensation and I start to become hyperaware of the hole in my ear, and I get this weird tense feeling almost like I’m expecting someone to stick their finger in my ear or expecting something to go inside of it, this weird sensation almost makes me want to cover my ear but I never do. But when I get this weird ear feeling I get absolutely ridiculous crazy thoughts like “what if a demon is trying to get inside your ear” and I’m like WTF why would I even think of that, I don’t even believe in demons or religious stuff like that to begin with. I recognize that the thought is nonsense and FAR out of the realm of reality and makes zero sense.The fact that I would even have a thought like that to begin with scares the f**k out of me! I have never ever had thoughts like this before. YET now whenever I get that weird sensation in my ear I still get intense anxiety, why? Why do I still get such crippling fear from this ear sensation even if I don’t believe the thoughts? Why would my brain even come up with a thought like that in the first place? I’m so terrified of schizophrenia and psychosis, I don’t want to lose my mind ): I have a wife and so many dreams. I’m so scared of losing it. Has someone ever experienced anything remotely similar to this? I know this is very far fetched.

Hi everyone! This is me writing this while having an intense OCD attack and seriously I don’t know how to handle it. At this point I cry almost every day, I’ve lost my appetite, and I don’t know what to do anymore. This summer I’ve seen a movie where one of the characters had schizophrenia and did what my intrusive thoughts were about, which is harming others. I panicked immediately and did what I wish I didn’t, but I didn’t know back then it was a compulsion: I googled the symptoms. I felt relief at first, but then I started asking myself what if I have those symptoms? What if my thoughts will become voices and I’ll believe them? (This is still one of my biggest fears) Ever since then it’s a never ending cycle, everything I see and hear I question if it’s real or only me hearing/seeing it. I overanalyse my body sensations like when my ears ring, or I feel a tightness around my head etc. I went to see a therapist to start treatment, and he told me I have nothing to worry about, cause it’s unlikely I’ll develop it. I felt at ease, and for a few weeks I felt so much better, cause that talk with the therapist went well and I finally got the diagnosis which is OCD. But then, I was scrolling on Instagram, and I saw a video and ever since then it’s getting bad again. It gotten so bad that my mind “plays” random phrases/music/words in my head, and it’s sometimes in my internal voice, sometimes it’s in others’ and it’s so scary cause I’m just going on with my day and they’re just there. Also for example I hear my mom cleaning the dishes and as she puts them away they make a sound and I hear a word in it, but it makes no sense yet I panic over it cause it was a word? I feel like I don’t even have own thoughts anymore, other than those and the ‘What if this means…?’ thoughts which cause me so much anxiety I feel like I’ll explode. The reason I’m writing this is that maybe someone who went through the same thing can help me, and give me some tips how to stop ruminating and mentally+physically checking (my emotions, my facial expressions, body sensations etc.)? I’m currently going to a group therapy which is seem to help, but I feel like I need to see a therapist alone where she/he can help me with my exact problem? Maybe it’s seeking reassurance and that’s a compulsion cause what if this isn’t OCD but still I don’t know what to do. Thank you!