I need someone to talk to 😢

Is there somewhere private i can talk to you? Or ?

@Jaikishan You can chat here, and I’ll respond. I have ocd and had an incredibly bad time with it (if you look at my comment history, you may see a lot of reassurance seeking posts). Because I’m in recovery right now, I know how much you’re suffering, but I also know how bad it is to feed with reassurance. Please let me know how I can help on this end without feeding your compulsions.

@LizLake Lately I've been having a lot of groinal responses, don't want them to be there. Before any of this even happened to me, I don't think I ever had a groinal response looking at another man, it makes me convinced that I've always been gay. I don't wanna be gay. This morning I had a dream about a rapper, it wasn't sexual but for some reason I was hard? I have always been a fan of his music and that's it. Now that's fueling my thought process even more and convincing me that I'm gay and I've been in the closet for a while At the same time i keep crying looking at my ex cause i miss her so much. Another thing to note that whenever i see good looking men or men that are gay i get groinal responses, whereas before this I don't think any of this happened to me. Whenever i look at these men i have to actively take a few deep breath's to catch up my breath, i can feel my heart beating. And most of the times I'm not even thinking anything sexual when ilook at these men it's weird. None of this brings me happiness at all. At this point I'm scared of my own groin cause i don't know what to expect or what's gonna happen. My brain keeps going you're in denial I've always been into women, as far as i can remember, I've lost complete attraction to them especially after my break up and getting depressed and having anxiety. And i keep thinking find a man attractive and if i get a groinal response, " wanna have sex with him" where as before any of this happened to me, these thoughts never even came to my mind, my 22 years of life feels like a complete lie and i hate myself, I've lost all motivation to do Normal things, i feel sleepy, i don't feel confident, loss of attraction, loss of libido, loss of will power, my thoughts keep morphing from " you might be gay" to "you are gay" to "you're bi" to "you're gay" to " you're in the closest" to "how are you gonna come out?". None of thesethoughts make me happy, it makes me more confused and scared and kinda uncomfortable, and weirded out too. Can you tell me what's going on with me? Please please please take the time out of their day to read this and respond, thank you!

Does this mean i will never have an answer? Cause i don’t like that either, i miss my old self so much i was so confident within myself

@Jaikishan You don’t need an answer is what I’m saying. Rumination is making you anxious. Give yourself permission to stop. If it feels dangerous and risky to stop, you’re doing it right. You are your old self. Once you make the active decision to stop ruminating, you’ll realize you’re still you.

@LizLake Okay so stopped logicing id say perhaps 2 hours ago and my mind got all relaxed, the thoughts are still there but i kinda just got tired of thinking non stop for 4 months , if the thoughts aren’t bothering me (not that anxious anymore) does that mean i turned gay or i am gay? Or what does that mean? My attraction to women is still at an all time low and before i remember i was one horny dude (tmi i know I’m sorry) but right now my sex drive or motivation is low as hell.