love hiking here, about a month ago i had the worst headache and non-stop intrusive thoughts while hiking with a friend. yesterday the thoughts were quieter and i had no headache while hiking with my boyfriend. i felt way more present. progress is possible and grateful that nature can help heal. 💗

yes, i do. i struggle with harm and suicidal the most

@butterfly currently going thru it bad rn. it’s horrifying 😞

@butterfly mainly the suicidal one rn

@username255 it’s really tough. but please remember you’re not alone 💗

@butterfly if you don’t mind me asking, is it normal for urges and sensations to come along with the suicidal OCD?

@username255 yes very normal - i struggle with them. are you in ERP therapy?

@butterfly i start next monday. the suicidal ocd just came on but been dealing with harm OCD for a couple months

@butterfly What helps you

@username255 therapy has already really helped me and i’m just starting my 3rd week of ERP. hang in there, take it day by day and remember a thought is just that a thought. i know how difficult it can be, give yourself some grace and patience. 💗

@NrseKris a combination of therapy, medicine and honestly just taking it day by day. i was forced to go on a medical leave because my doctor said i was suicidal so it wasn’t until i finally sought help from a ERP therapist after being properly diagnosed with OCD that i’ve been able to make any progress. i’m still very early on in treatment but i can already tell i’ve made some progress. ERP is difficult but it’s helping 💗

@butterfly Oh no your doc really thought you were ? That’s scary I’m sorry. That’s why I’m scared to tell someone my thoughts and get hopsitalized but then I’m like maybe I need that ?? I was prescribed lexapro but I’m terrified to start it and have a psychotic reaction or real suicidal thoughts 😞 I know it might help but I’m so scared to start it

@NrseKris yes she did, it was really scary and i barely left my house for like 2 months. thank goodness i finally saw a pyschiatrist who knew right away it was OCD. have you looked into seeing a OCD therapist or pyschiatrist ? hospitalization can make things worse for us (for some it can be needed) but i was so afraid going to the hospital would just make me worse. also, i was so terrified of starting prozac i delayed it for 3 months until i just couldn’t take it anymore, the harm and suicidal intrusive thoughts were constant. i made sure i started prozac right as i was starting therapy so i could discuss my symptoms, like you i was so afraid of it and i can tell you i’ve been on it for nearly 3 weeks and honestly i’ve been okay, even better on some days. the fear you’re feeling is so normal with OCD, be patient with yourself and remember you are stronger than your OCD. we’ve got this and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you wanna chat more. 💗

@butterfly It’s really scary did you ever think you actually were ?? Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and I worry if I really do wana do that, it’s hard to be at work I get anxious. How’s the medication? I wish I wasn’t so scared to start mine because it might help me . Is there any tips you learned in ERP that might help with my thoughts for now until I see the specialist ?? Like how to respond to my thoughts and feelings in the moment

@NrseKris im going thru the same thing! i have thoughts if they’re real and if i’d actually enjoy doing that. i feel with suicidal OCD it is very difficult bc any theme you get overwhelmed but if we get overwhelmed with this one it automatically goes to “i must want to do that” or if i get upset or agitated “what if i lose control and actually dont wanna live in that moment and go thru it” UGH.

@username255 Omg yes, I’m scared to get angry or overwhelmed incase I snap in that moment, like I knew work was gonna be busy today so I almost called off because I thought what if I get too stressed out and can’t handle it and wana do it?? It’s so scary and confusing

@username255 I’m scared to feel emotions incase I can’t handle them and snap

@NrseKris and it sucks bc the urges are even worse. i have one thought i’ve been fixated on a way of suicide and i can literally feel the pressure in my head. sometimes i’ll feel the pressure or pain in my head before the thought and it brings the thought on. it sucks so much. and my body gets this weirs sensation all over that i wanna do it. but i know i dont. 😞

@username255 Same here I get pressure and tingling in my head and I used to get tingling and weird sensations on my wrists if I thought about knives or anything like that it’s so crazy how the mind works idk. How have started ERP or meds

@NrseKris i see an OCD specialist on NOCD next monday! and i was on zoloft for a little but got bad side effects from it, and now im on Buspar just a regular anti anxiety medication