So afraid of starting therapy on here. I have done the intake, questionnaires, and how this should go. I tried listing some of my triggers/obsessions but that threw me into a panic attack. Did the SOS video but couldn’t even stop crying to pay attention to it. This is the first time of doing OCD specific therapy.

Hi Kandyse, I'm both sorry that this is so hard for you right now, and so proud of you that you're trying to do it anyway. If these things are causing you this much distress, I'd probably suggest you wait and talk to your NOCD therapist about it. OCD therapy is all about sitting with our distress, but you need to learn the skills to do that first. Your therapist will know how to guide you through the process of building that hierarchy (the triggers/obsessions list) and addressing the things that scare you around OCD therapy. A big part of ERP is starting small and working your way up, and it sounds like these tasks just aren't small enough for you to be a good place for you to start. That's okay! That's what your therapist is there to help with. That doesn't mean there's nothing you can do between now and seeing your therapist, though. What I'd encourage you to do is, if intrusive thoughts come up about any of these therapy-related things, to try and gently sit with the anxiety they bring up instead of trying to push them away. If you have compulsions around these thoughts that you know you do, try and resist them as long as you can, even if it's just for a minute or a few seconds. ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention, and normally that looks like creating exposures for us to practice response prevention--but it sounds to me right now like this already IS an exposure for you, so the way to go might be to just meet yourself where you're at. Your therapist can help you with the rest. Wishing you the best of luck. It's great that you're seeking therapy and you should be super proud of yourself for taking this step, as well as for seeking support in this way. You got this!

I read something the other day that helped me. OCD is hard. ERP is hard. Choose your hard.

You are a warrior. What huge steps you are taking! So proud of you!

I am so happy for you that you were brave and took this first step. I know it can seem very scary at first- that's normal. Having OCD is hard, doing ERP is hard-either way it's hard! ERP does have rewards- over time you learn how to handle the OCD. At NOCD a specialist trained in ERP will walk you through the steps of ERP- they will take it at the right pace and know when to push you and when not to. ERP can be life changing, it has helped me regain so much. Having the support of a therapist can be a huge help when doing ERP, they can help you to remain motivated, encourage you and support you as well as hold you accountable.