OCD can be hell. I know what it’s like. I have lived with it since I was five years old. I am going to celebrate my 57th birthday in June. I suffer from Pure-O. My latest battle involves dealing with living on the second floor. I just moved to an apartment which I love, but my OCD brain has been nagging me night and day. This wouldn’t make sense to anyone, but to me it’s business as usual with OCD. The more something me as to me, the harder it is to deal with. I find myself recalling every time I have been on a second floor and thinking about how I felt and remembering the persons that were with me each time. It’s a different way of living, a different condition, my brain tells me. I get saturated and snap at people. Then I think about how time is passing and I am wasting it with those ruminating thoughts and I get even more anxious. Then I think about work and my commitments and I feel worse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. What I am doing right now is like massaging my brain. I let it out, I tell everyone what is going on inside my head and I feel better. When I am really feeling bad, I may need several sessions, but it always works sooner or later. I hope my story helps more than one person and I pray that it will not cause anyone’s symptoms to worsen. Please keep in my mind that we must give our condition, the importance that it warrants. By addressing our OCD we will defeat it. I am not an expert by any means, so please get help with the experts on this site. Kindest regards

You’re words mean a lot to me!

I feel thankful for being able to help by sharing my journey! We OCDers are creative people. When we are suffering the most is when our minds are at their most creative. If you look at a list of famous people with OCD you will notice that it includes many musicians, composers, authors, Etc. Many have not been fortunate as we are and lived their lives undiagnosed. We are blessed to live in an age where information is at our finger tips!

You are amazing!

I have existential OCD. I have been tormented for several days now with feelings of depersonalization. It’s hard to live with it; nevertheless, I am grateful to have it because that has given certain abilities that I would not have without it. I just want to feel good, that’s why I’m here right now. I also want to help someone who’s reading this and maybe battling the same thoughts that I’m facing. Kindest regards

Comment deleted by user

Depersonalization is that strange feeling we get when we feel like we are not really here. It’s like looking at the world from the outside and questioning if we are real, if anything is real. I have experienced this on and off for about three seconds, ever since I can remember. It used to not be a big deal, but one day (35 years ago) it grew into a monster inside my head and became bigger each time I fed it. The more I ruminated on it, the hungrier it became. Episodes would generally last two weeks, sometimes as long as a month. Over and over I had to replay the movie in my head and actually feel the sensation “Am I real, is everything real?” My heart would race and it would become hard to breathe. Sometimes my OCD brain would command me to do the ritual without worlds, just relive the sensation. Imagine having to function in everyday life with this torment. It was painful to say the least. It would fade away in two weeks to a month, but when I was not going through an episode, I would pray that the monster would not wake up and grab me because once it did, it would not let me go. Usually it would show up every three months. One day, I realized that I needed help and that’s when I told my Wife that I had this condition and we started seeking help. My Wife has always been supportive. We are going to celebrate 31 years of marriage on May 31st. I know it hasn’t always been easy for her and I love her from here to eternity. Over the years, with medication and some therapy, it has lessened. It’s less intense and further apart, but it still show it’s ugly face inside my head and I still panic when I feel it coming. It made itself present last night as I was getting ready to fall asleep. It didn’t keep me up. I usually manage to sleep well, but it’s there and I know that it has the potential of getting bigger and affecting my life. I obviously do not want that. It’s not fair. We should all be able to smell the roses without those horrible nagging thoughts that can bring us down to our knees. I am writing this because it always helps. I love to write. It helps calm my brain and as I know I have stains many times before, confessing has a diffusing effect on all my obsessions. When I talk it seems like the monster shrinks. So here it goes, I am sure it will diminish until it can’t bother me. As always, I hope that my experience will help as many folks as possible and I pray that it will not have an adverse effect on anyone. My desire is and has always been to help and get help by sharing my experience. Best wishes for empowerment and happy lives!

*As I know I have said many times before, confessing has a diffusing effect on obsessions. The monster shrinks.