REALLY REALLY LONG POST BUT PLEASE PLEASE HELP. Hi guys, I’m suffering immensely from ROCD at the moment, at least I hope I am. My thoughts have been alternating with everything to do with my relationship, but currently they’re doubting my own love for my boyfriend. I’ve finally told him what I’ve been thinking and he’s understanding of them, but I just need some help. I found out his heart still skips when he sees me and that he gets butterflies when he holds my hand, which doesn’t happen to me although it has happened before (when I had a huge crush on a guy who didn’t like me back as much so when I saw him or got attention from him I went bonkers). Obviously, this makes me think I don’t love him as much as he loves me and it scares me to death. I feel like I don’t love him and that I’m only in this relationship to make him happy, which panics me even more. I know that I have ocd, I’ve been diagnosed with extreme ocd and suffered with a horrible case of HOCD a few years ago so this stuff is nothing new, but my issue is that the only romantic experiences I’ve had before my current boyfriend were very limited and as I was infatuated with my crushes and only had my imagination to know what it felt like, I was disappointed to not feel what I imagined everything would feel in a proper relationship. I always imagined it being like the films and that’s how I felt when I had crushes before, and when they showed me attention I got excited because I felt like I always imagined. But this is real and it scares me that I don’t feel like that and like how he feels. He told me he always falls hard and I thought I did too, but I haven’t stopped thinking about this since we properly started talking. We did meet online whilst I usually prefer knowing people in real life and basing an opinion on them from what they do every day. I don’t ever want to lose him, I always want to touch him and be near him, I like treating him and laughing with him and seeing him and I get so jealous and don’t want to disappoint him. I need some help, because I’m terrified that I’m not in love with him. I also have aspergers, which I figured out was the reason why I wasn’t fond of kissing, as I really really don’t like the feel of wetness, if anyone kisses me I always wipe it off like a child. I just need some help, I keep comparing how I feel in this relationship to how I’ve felt before, even though this is my first proper, and longest relationship to date (4 months so far). Anybody else ever felt like this? I’m really struggling so much.