i had a therapist who was a not good fit for me. anytime i told her my thoughts or compulsions she yelled at me for not resisting them even if they really scared me and i was really trying. this lead me to not want to tell her my thoughts. i then got yelled at for not being open enough. i really wanted to switch but she is trained in erp, so my parents wouldn’t let me. last session she told me i wasn’t getting better and have been doing therapy for too long. my therapist said she had no hope and found no way to fix me. this left me crushed. she also didn’t schedule another session at the end like she usually has always done. i’m so worried. am i uncurable? i’m trying so hard, i just want to get better? what do i do? has anyone else had a similar experience?

it angers me beyond belief that this is my brain, I’m fucking sick and tired of going through this shit alone or burdening my parents with my panic, I do all the dam ERP in the world and this panic still ain’t stopping, I’m fucking through with this shit, I hear people all the time say your not trying hard enough or ERP takes time, well I’ve been doing ERP my whole fucking 22 years of being on this planet and the panic hasn’t stopped, and yes I’ve been to about 20 therapists, I probably have a file on me as big as a dissertation about all my dam thoughts, I’ve seen many psychiatrists, been on many meds, tried to start TMS, couldn’t go through with it because of my thoughts, I can barely blink without my thoughts screaming at me like a drill instructor, I’m socially isolated because the pandemic and I’m losing hope, all anyone tells me is your not trying hard enough with ERP, or your improving, without any evidence to back up said claim when in fact the opposite is true, I’ve declined. I’m trying so fucking hard just to wake up, I’m sorry, I really am, but this is just unreasonable, you wouldn’t go up to a cancer patient and say work harder, put me on the right meds or give me euthanasia because it’s not ok how the system treats people with OCD

My last ERP therapist was aggressive. Not sure if it’s supposed to be that way but I always felt worse after our sessions. Is that suppose to happen? Can ERP not work for everyone?

My ocd was weaponized by a therapist who wanted to do trauma work. Against my wishes. She told me “why are you in therapy if you don’t want to do the work”. I didn’t know about my childhood trauma. But she found it, and judged me for it. And then put intrusive thoughts in my head. It wasn’t until this week that I realized that I might be suffering from ocd. My family is getting sick of me. I’m stuck in a negative tape loop. After therapy I started having panic attacks and now am faced with dealing with anxiety and depression almost daily. I’m so pissed at her. I think I’m traumatized by going to therapy. She taught my brain to look for trouble. She also put unhelpful thoughts in my heads. Oh, and when my lizard brain found the guilt and shame of childhood. She told me to imagine a golden box to put it back in. My inner child wants to burn my house down and has no plans on leaving. So, I feel stuck.