This may sound stupid but I need help

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

i have ocd and i got myself a kitten last week on saturday, shes 8 weeks old and that weekend i got her and my mom and i watched donnie darko and girl interrupted and one of the characters from girl interrupted is named daisy and i liked the character i related to her and the other one from the other movie we watched was called donnie darko and the character has the last name darko and i thought it was fitting for my kitten since shes a black cat. so i decided to name my kitten daisy darko since my kitten is a girl. i have a dog named Quinn and i named my dog that years ago bc of some friends i had and i have real even ocd and when it comes to that friend i have this memory i want to confess to my partner but confessing is my compulsion so i cant give in. anyways basically i wanted to change my dogs name because it was reminding me of that memory of that friend im trying to forget that makes me feel guilty but i named the dog years ago so there was no use in changing the name now. i named the cat daisy darko bc of those movies i watched so thats what i tied it to but now days later a memory popped in my head that made me feel guilty because i just remembered my ex girlfriend’s favorite flowers were daisies and now i feel guilty and want to change my kitten’s name but i really loved her name to be daisy darko because of donnie darko and girl interrupted but now i have the guilt of that one memory and im scared it will haunt me everytime i say my cat’s name for the rest of my life that it will remind me of that. i don’t know what to do, if i should change the kitten’s name or not. i feel if i keep the name and feel the guilt of remembering my ex’s favorite flowers and remember that every time i call my kitten or baby talk her ill feel that im being unfaithful to my partner. im so scared i just want to enjoy my new experience with my kitten i love my kitten so much shes been helping me a ton i dont want to resent her like i grew to resent my dog. i love my kittens name and dont want to change it but i want to enjoy her and not feel guilty and have the ocd haunting me every time :( idk what to do. i didnt even want to talk about this bc i was scared if i said it to someone it would make it real and give it life rather than let the thought disappear. i was scared to tell my mom i wanted to change my cats name bc a memory popped up and triggered me, she told me to pick the name carefully so that what happened with my dog’s name didnt happen to my cat. im so upset and want to disappear

Im sorry I have to come on here and ask for advice once again, but as some people on here know I have been suffering with ocd since I was around the age of ten, which only got worse as my beautiful children came along. or nearly 60 years Ive had every type of ocd there is, they always come down to the same thing , not wanting to ever harm the people I love more than anything. I had got on top of this and was managing well, I know I would never harm anyone I love ever and would never ever want to, no more of the hypothetical scenarios for reassurance either , but its like every time I try to stop the mental compulsions intrusive thoughts come back after a few days, As I was in between going to sleep and was half awake the horrible words ' hope ***** dies I cannot even write the name down who it was about. I do not know where it came from but I am constantly getting upset about this as it was about someone I would give up my life for. I think you can probably guess what I mean without me having to say it. I do read a lot of posts and ocd podcasts and once read someones story wher they used to wish bad things and I have never been able to stop worrying in case something like that happened to me . Could this be what it was that has caused it ? I think Ive also still held onto something from when I was a child when I used to worry that thinking something too much could make it happen,, Please, please give me some addvice and thank you,,, sorry for the long post.