I made the mistake of googling why do I sometimes not feel in love with my boyfriend and I shouldn’t of because everything is just tell me because I don’t love him and that just scares me. I seriously can’t remember ever feeling like I fell “in love” but when I’m with him I can usually push bad thoughts away and enjoy the relationship. I’m so scared this isn’t an OCD thing :(
:( oh no! at least you recognize that googling was a compulsion and only made you feel worse. i totally understand what you’re going through. i am not gonna provide reassurance, but i do think that with ocd, especially ROCD, we place impossible expectations on ourselves. think about it: we have OCD, a clinical mental illness or condition that makes us doubt everything and causes extreme anxiety in the presence of uncertainty. it occupies most of our mental space in our day to day lives. that being said, it can make it extremely difficult to feel “lovey dovey” or romantic in the midst of all this anxiety. which leads to my point about unrealistic expectations. not only is it unrealistic to expect ANYONE to feel in love 24/7 365, but especially us. you’re going through a really really challenging condition that basically makes you feel like you have to be perfect or else you or loved ones will be in danger. that’s really really scary and hard!! we cannot expect ourselves with all the anxiety (and sometimes subsequent depression/sadness/hopelessness/apathy whatever you wanna call it that comes with anxiety) to feel that way about our partners on command or instantaneously. the second unrealistic expectation we have is this lie that all ppl with ocd have- “i cant do anything or feel anything about XYZ until i have CERTAINTY about this thing first”. so in this case, ROCD tells us “i cant enjoy my relationship or relax in it UNTIL i know for sure whether or not i truly love him”. that expectation is unrealistic and it’s what keeps ocd alive and thriving as long as you believe that. the idea of ERP is to release that idea that you NEED certainty or to eradicate any and all doubt to move forward and enjoy life. sorry for the long post, but i feel passionate as someone with ROCD too that we deserve to relax with our partners without the need to know all the time if we love them. it’s so important that you know how truly valuable you are and that you deserve compassion from yourself for a lifetime as you deal with ocd, through the rough patches and smooth!! sending peace and healing, i hope some of the things i said helped!!
Thank you so much
What you said resonated so much with me I go through a lot of the same things but not thinking do I love my boyfriend it is is my boyfriend going to leave me I have a fear of abandonment from childhood trauma and my boyfriend broke up with me a year ago and then again couple weeks ago And I am having such a hard time letting go and knowing that it’s over because I want it so badly for it to work and I am still so deeply in love with him but I know he doesn’t love me enough to deal with my OCD and my anxiety and depression and my PTSD
@Kuzmits7 I am sorry for that… I sometimes almost wish mine was the opposite of feeling like “do I love him?” It would just make me feel better I feel like to know that I do it’s him I wonder about. But then again I’m sure it’s hard being in your shoes also.
I’m going through the same thing when I’m with him i’m ok when I’m not with him and alone with my thoughts it’s worst..
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
