I can absolutely relate. When I was at my sickest points with OCD, it was exhausting, to do things that everyone else seemed to do so effortlessly, for me it was all too much. I found little joy in day to day life and actually had wished many times that I was older so I would be closer to death. Finally when I hit the bottom and got the right treatment, my entire life began to slowly change. It was amazing to see the difference, life became enjoyable again, bit by bit. You can get to this place too. I always tell people to remember, it will not always feel the way it does in this moment- things are constantly changing- this will too. It may not feel like it now but it will. Someday maybe your story can help inspire others to keep going.