Trigger warning yet again, I posted this a few days ago but noone replied! Does anyone else worry they've put bleach in their drinks etc, or that you've swallowed glass by accident and you start retracing your steps etc? Or anything like this? Is this contamination ocd?

Hello! I’m new here. Unfortunately I’m not able to afford a therapist but I’ve been doing a lot of research and I think a lot of my symptoms/thoughts align with OCD. I want to share some of what I experience and see if anyone else experiences the same and what resources helped you. I think I mostly experience contamination OCD. I’m constantly worried that something I do/touch is going to make me really sick and/or die. Especially with food, I’m constantly worried that I’ll accidentally have something on my hands when I eat, then I’ll touch the food and get that on the food, eat it and get sick. So I’ll wash my hands every time my hands touch any little tiny thing again and again before I eat, same with any forks/spoons, or I’ll even think I touched cleaner a few hours ago and I’ve washed my hands several times since then and I just washed them again but they still feel dirty so even if impractical I’ll use a fork and if my hands touch the part of the fork that touches the food then I can’t eat the food any longer or use that fork. Also at work I have these thoughts that I know are ridiculous but also give me very real anxiety. Like “if I don’t finish this order before that machine beeps its a sign I’m going to die” and then I have to rush to make sure I finish fast and then I’ll be like ok that’s so stressful I’m not going to think like that any more it’s ridiculous but then the thoughts keep coming back so I have to keep rushing. This is just a little tad bit of what I experience and I would love to hear from others as I haven’t met anyone else like me before. Thank you!

Okay, I am going insane at this point. I've been in and out of hospital with my contamination stuff and made huge progress in ERP, so I decided to tackle a bag of "contaminated clothes" from months ago when I went to my endocrinologist and something made my eyes and skin and inside of my mouth etc. itch and BURN, I mean to the point of coughing up blood and bloodclots coming out of my nose, and everything felt very dried up (at the time I thought it was residual acid from medical test I was supposed to undergo and couldn't because of the OCD). When I washed myself and rinsed my mouth, it would stop, but whenever I'd come close to the clothes I was wearing that day, it'd start again. I have since washed them in a washing machine, but not separately, I did a whole load trying to convince myself it would be fine. It wasn't though, the whole batch of clothes now does this to me, even a towel I put near it. But it doesn't make any SENSE, it was washed?? Twice now and it still won't go? Can OCD do stuff like this? I used the towel to dry myself and my hair after shower and have been waking up the whole night unable to breathe with dried up sinuses and inside of my mouth. Can it do this?? I've never had this happen to me before and I feel crazy beyond recognition from it.

Just need to vent about a new thing my contamination theme is obsessing over, and maybe get advice if anyone has any. I had a major obsession for a couple months about fiber glass in mattresses (still have it but now I’m focused on something else). I was convinced my mattress had fiber glass in it because I was seeing sparkles on my bed frame, my mattress is old, and it has a tear. I finally checked the tag and it doesn’t say fiberglass in the materials. This has been my main obsession and I’ve been able to mostly ignore my other worries. Since checking the tag I haven’t been getting intrusive thoughts about the mattress but now my contamination ocd has moved on to a completely new thing almost instantly after checking. Literally this is now the only thing I can think about and it feels horrible. I accidentally spilled an alcoholic drink a while back in my room. I have carpeted floors. After spilling I set a towel on it to soak up the drink but to be honest I didn’t clean it that well, and I’ve never thought too deeply into spilling things because I never cared (never thought about anything bad that could happen from it, never occurred to me). I left my house for a couple months to stay somewhere else and when I came back I noticed the area I spilled the drink has a scent. I can’t tell if it’s just a scent from spilling a drink with alcohol or if it’s a problem. The first night sleeping at my house again (I spilled it next to my bed) I kept coughing. It’s been about a week and I’m still coughing. I’ve been researching mold like crazy, which I know is bad because I’m looking for reassurance, but I think there is a chance there is mold from the moisture of me not cleaning the drink properly. My carpet has discoloration but it’s not obvious, I can’t see if there’s mold or not. I bought vinegar and I’m going to clean it properly. But the problem is I can’t tell if my worries are realistic or not. My main intrusive thoughts are: - This happened next to an air vent, and I’m worried the air spread mold all over my room. I have a lot of possessions that are important to me and now I’m scared they’re contaminated. - I watched a video a while back where someone was looking around their house and there was mold on everything they owned. I’m worried that’s going to be me. - I’m worried that since I’ve been around where I think the mold is (literally right next to my bed) I have mold (not visible mold, I’m worrying about mold spores that I can’t see and them spreading to others) stuck to me/my clothes/my sheets/my phone. I’m getting a new kitten today and I’m scared to pet it because of the thought of mold on my hands. I don’t know if I should wash my hands/clean my phone before touching the cat. - I’m now thinking about all the times I spilled something in that room as a child, and didn’t clean it properly, and if there’s tons of mold I don’t know about. - I’m scared it has spread to other parts of my floor and now I’m tracking it to other parts of the house. I know mold doesn’t work this way but this is stuck in my head. I’ve been in this bedroom since I was a kid so at least 9 years. As a kid I didn’t care about this sort of thing so there’s been lots of messes over the years. I just want to move and get a fresh start. Living this way is so exhausting and I feel crazy writing this out lol. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is valid or not, and I’m scared to research further because I know it’s probably for reassurance but I genuinely don’t know how to deal with this or what’s normal. My ocd usually centers around other people, like I don’t care if I’m affected by the mold or if it harms me, I’m just worried about being contaminated and bringing it around others. I’ve been thinking about actually going to therapy but I have horrible social anxiety and can’t talk to people very well. It feels like a catch 22, that my social anxiety is preventing me from getting therapy that would help my social anxiety and ocd.