What do y’all do when everything you think and feel is dread towards seeing your spouse? Like you have to fake through it - like they’re the one that wants it and you’re the one struggling. I don’t want to feel this way. How do you choose through it? And have you gotten on the other side of that specific thoughts and emotion?
You are not alone. I deal with relationship OCD and I am married. I have always had ROCD but getting marrie definitely made it worse (but I am now so glad I made the choice to still marry him). I am hopefully on the other side of it but I still have moments of struggle. I started ERP therapy with NOCD about a month and a half ago and it has helped leaps and bounds. It was really scary at first but it helped me sit with the discomfort of not needing answers to the intrusive thoughts/questions I have about the relationship. My husband is my biggest trigger and I realized that I was starting to avoid things with him which in turn made tension in the relationship. Once I saw that pattern and started therapy, I intentionally chose to do things with him that I knew would trigger my thoughts (even if I didn’t actually want to do those things), and overtime, that helped a ton. Now I can enjoy sex again, and even spend quality time with him without being worried that my thoughts are going to take over. In the beginning, it felt like I was faking my interest or emotions and maybe I was but over time I stopped trying to analyze every emotion I felt and just started being present in the moment. OCD definitely sucks and I still don’t have it all figured out but I am finally starting to enjoy my marriage and love my husband better (even when I don’t feel like it). So know that there is a bright side but you will have to put in the work and make intentional decisions that might go against what you are feeling in the moment. Definitely reach out to NOCD for therapy, and keep holding on! :)
I also saw on your profile that your Christian, and that does my heart so good because we are also 💛
@Chy Truly the only way I got through was relying on the Lord and trusting that He had it all under control. It took a lot of faith and desperate tears to walk through therapy because there were weeks where I felt absolutely alone but I kept praying and kept seeking Jesus through it. Even when I didn’t feel it, I knew he was working because I chose to believe it because Scripture tells us time and time again that God is good and His ways are greater than our own. Plus the more I was seeking the Lord and his love and grace, the more I was able to see my husband the way Christ sees him, which in turn gave me the strength to love him the way I knew God was calling me to. I think if there is one thing I have learned from marriage is that I think God created it to make us holy more than make us happy but in it making us holy, there is a peace and joy God brings through marriage that surpasses any earthy happiness I was seeking for from my husband. That is why I am enjoying marriage more, because I chose for my worth and satisfaction to be found only in Jesus rather than the earthly man I chose to marry. I love my husband but I can only love him because God first loved me. Definitely keep holding on to Christ and seeking his truth through this, I will be praying for you and your husband while you go through this season. ❤️
@SydneyLRJ Thank you so much for this Sydney. You’re the only true Christian that I’ve talked to that has gone through this like me. I would love to connect with you more. I feel like it would be really edifying to my life and hopefully yours too!
@Chy Definitely!
@SydneyLRJ Was there a time when you didn’t feel peace in your marriage and felt conflicted in understanding how to follow God and love and honor your marriage?
@Chy Absolutely, to be completely honest, I was an emotional/anxiety filled wreck even on my wedding day. I had panic attacks everyday of the honeymoon and was stuck in the bathroom for 2 hours every morning from 2-4am doing mental compulsions/self-reassurance so that it didn’t take up any of the regular day activities we had planned that week. It was bad, real bad. But even in the midst of that, I chose to love my husband and made that commitment. It was hard and there were times I didn’t want to follow through because of the anxiety but everyday I would pray that God would strengthen me to push through because even thought my emotions were everywhere, I wanted to be with my husband and my husband is a good man. And I have dealt with that anxiety/lack of peace at varying degrees on and off for our whole relationship, engagement, and so far marriage. OCD really likes to pretend to be God in my life because I would often mistake that urgency/lack of peace/anxiety as God’s conviction or him trying to tell me something about the relationship, but that was never God talking because that isn’t how God talks or convicts us. Once I learned that, OCD got a little easier to face and deal with. :) hopefully that helps and makes sense :)
@SydneyLRJ Hey Just now seeing this. Thank you so much for sharing! I’ve been free of breakup urges for almost a year now! It tried to come back up in the fall but we squashed it together and with the helped of Jesus and his word. My husband and I had a really good night and I was PERFECTLY FINE, literally about to close my eyes to sleep. Then my mind started rehearsing last summer and the urges, and not in an anxiety way - just celebrating my growth. Then the thought/fear/feeling came in that what if I go through that again. And it started to bring a lot of fear, anxiety and changed perspective towards my husband. It caused me to question my strength and the reasons to support keeping me choosing. Have you ever had fhat and how did you manage/choose through it? Did it change your perspective/filter towards how you saw/thought/felt towards your husband? And did it pass?
Hey Sydney. I needed this. A lot. This blesses my heart SO much and THANK YOU so much for taking the time to share your testimony and type all of this out for me. It blesses me so much. Especially with being married - because it is a lot different than dating and it helps a lot! And thank you so much. This really helps encourage me and fill my tank in the choosing even when I feel like I don’t have a place to choose from. I will be saving this. I’m so happy to hear about your progress!
Hi @sydneyLRJ, Is there a way I can get connected w/ you?
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.
feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔
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