Does anyone spend so much time making scenarios to see if you feel anything AnYwHeRe and by the “end” you’ve just convinced yourself you’re in denial?

Do you perhaps experience things like being so frustrated and numb because of how much your ocd drains you ? Then you are naturally caught up in a compulsion where you’re “physically testing” yourself to lets say something you watched years ago that is usually against your orientation?? If you know what I mean ? Even though you know you are (your own sexuality) and are in a very loving relationship and you really love your partner but does anyone experience this ?? And then they’re faced with more thoughts about how they’ve betrayed their partner and how their partner will leave and if you also struggle with scrupulosity ocd you feel like you’ve committed a huge sin and betrayed your faith ? Again I get all of this goes against values and that the human body may still react to things we naturally may be against but anyone still falls for the testing and then has this awful reaction afterwards? And does that really mean I betrayed my partner ?? Thank you so much for your time and I would really love your insights as this is something that popped up with me out of the blue …

I recently had a intrusive thought and felt the need to go over it to make sure I didn’t feel anything sexual. Part of the reviewing included creating a scenario similar to the intrusive thought to see if anything was felt. Thankfully no evidence of any feelings. However I can’t seem to find anything on the internet about creating scenarios when checking a previous intrusive thought. Is this common and what is it called has anyone experienced this. I feel very alone. Any feedback would be helpful

I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.