I have an irrational fear that my boyfriend (who makes me really comfortable and never pressurizes me) would ask me for explicit pictures and would leave me if I refuse. How do I sit with this? I don't want to leave him at any cost.
Hi! Sorry to hear that you're dealing with this fear. There are so many thoughts, feelings, sensations, or urges that may make us uncomfortable. And those of us with OCD feel really shaken by all of those feelings. So, I sympathize with you. The gold standard of treatment is always exposure and response prevention. So, when I've had thoughts like these, it always helped to write down the fear over and over and over and over, until I became super bored of the thought. It also helped to record myself on my phone saying my fear aloud and playing them back to myself. You can do this on the NOCD app by using the "loop tape" feature. I would also write imaginal scripts and make my fear worse. So, if I had a thought like: "I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend." I would write a script that would exacerbate that fear. Something like: "I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend and he's going to find out. When he does, he'll call me names and leave. I'll be alone forever and I'll never fall in love again or have children. Then, the whole world will find out I'm a cheater and hate me forever." But, I would work my way up to that though. I would start out by just repeating the word "cheater" over and over. Then, I'd expand upon it until I could write out my full fear. I hope that makes sense. Then, when the anxiety would come, I would lean into it or I would respond to that anxiety. "Oh hey anxiety, you're here again. I'm so glad you're here right now." You'll find whatever works for you. With OCD we don't get to have certainty. You won't know if your fear will happen or not. So, responding with "Maybe, maybe, not" can help. I even add in some shoulder shrugs. Like, "meh, who knows?" I hope this helps! You got this! :)
Thank you so so much for your detailed response š I'm grateful
May I ask you another question please?
@iwillbeatthis Sure!
Ive been struggling with really bad ROCD for a year now and im in the healthiest relationship ive ever had. I cant even go to a therapist because im a medical student and i dont have the money for it yet. My boyfriend is a really decent amazing respectful man and he has been tolerating my re assurance seeking behavior for a long time. And yesterdays fit finally threw him off and he said he isnt scared to loose me anymore because, he wants a life with me but not a life where every action he makes is questioned even when his intentions are always pure. Im always asking him, does he look at other girls does he get horny when he sees a naked woman in a movie to all which he said No. he doesnt because he has never sexualized anyone. He doesnt find anyone else attractive either other than me because hes in love with me and i believe it because i know he is genuine. But i keep asking him questions its draining me out and its draining him too because of me . I am scared that im sabotaging the only good thing i have in my life. I love this man so much. That said theres things i had to constantly ask for too for example instead of just letting me keep asking, give me a heart felt assurance when i start relapsing with the questions and when i start doing better acknowledge it. Because it will make me feel better and ill try even more to sit with the uncertainty of everything and trust him whole heartedly. And that small things matter to me. We have even come to a middle ground when it comes to movies with severely explicit nudity and he already agreed to it (hes a movie nerd). I am constantly on the brink and edge of just giving in to the thoughts and asking him every now and then . But he is so fed up of me he said Its ruining his mental health and that he knows its twice in intensity for me but its not the kind of life he wants with someone he genuinely loves even after trying alot of things for me. Guys please i dont want to loose him. I want someone to be scared of loosing me and i feel like i have taken that away from him. I dont know what to do please . I love him so much. I know he loves me too he told me if i start relapsing he will do his best to provide me with assurance but if it keeps persisting after that it wont work. Because thats not a good life to lead in the future. It has gotten so bad to the point that everytime i have to ask he reacts like hes being held at gun point. And i hate seeing him like that because of me. I cannot handle loosing him. He sound really cold now and its scaring me alot. I need proper help from some of you please just give me some advice.
for a few days now Iāve been super anxious about my relationship. Iāve been anxious about it before but lately itās been worse than normal. Iām in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that Iāve been having scary thoughts that what if Iām lying to him and donāt actually love him? What if I donāt find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I donāt want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like Iām lying to him by not telling him whatās going on because he might think Iām actually going to leave him, which Iām really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. Iāve never been diagnosed but Iām going to therapy and figuring things out but Iām so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone theyāre going to say I have to leave him.
Hi all, Iām F(20) and Iāve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like Iāve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and heāll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just canāt make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and itās because heās secretly done with me and heās longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe Iām at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(
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