Was doing fairly well for a while. Saw a video on HOCD vs denial and i told myself dont watch it just move on and i watched it anyway and it said pushing thoughts away and not trying to think about things is denial and now i feel like im back at step 1 again. And it feels real and i hate this. Im stuck and i just want to love women again and enjoy my girlfriend

Said that if you have the ability to push thoughts away so tou don't think about it is denial. But I've always pushed these away since i had or what i hope is ocd. But it always creeps its way back in or i end up thinking about.

i think what that guy meant (i watched the video too) was like you’re able to not think about it. you can mentally say to those worries and thoughts “go away for a while, we’ll deal with this later or never” and can do that with ease and simplicity. ocd is like you can’t put it down, it’s all you think about and you do things to make the anxiety caused my the thoughts/images/urges/sensations to go away. and these compulsions can include trying your best to not think about things, but it’s usually to no avail because the thoughts still come. what he meant basically was people who seriously have an identity crisis with their sexuality are able to not think about it for large periods of time and can put it off without anxiety. people with ocd usually cannot do that (although you can have periods where this theme doesn’t cause as much panic or anxiety and still have ocd, and chances are you’re not worrying as much about sexual orientation bc you’re obsessing about something else for a change lol).

It's hard to explain. I was doing well for a while but i was still doing compulsions and then i watched and no everything feels more real. Granted i can put it off for a time but I've also done a lot of erp work. Not to mention ass loads of stress on other day to day life. It just finds its way to sneak back in and i compulse and ask my girlfriend constantly for reassurance. I finally beat that part but it triggered me so hard and no i feel back at step one

Like im not super good at ERP but im doing my best to resist compulsions and sometimes i get discouraged. Like if i expose myself to this, what if i end up liking it or end up finding out i am or could be or whatever? Like its scary. Like some stuff i did had helped and im past some of the things plaguing me and they try to pull me in but i just try to not care and focus on other things. But living in the moment is so difficult some times

Thanks man