Yesterday was awful

I went almost 24 hours without sleep yesterday and worked a 10 hour shift so when I got home I went to sleep because I was so exhausted and also sad because my mind was driving me crazy I couldn’t even concentrate so I went to sleep and I remember being half asleep last night when my mom came home she was literally screaming at me and I remember screaming back saying that I wasn’t going to talk to her if she was going to speak to me that way and she was being so mean to me last night and I really don’t even want anything to do with her. I’m 23 and can’t afford to move out. I even cleaned the house yesterday for her like she asked me to and she came home literally screaming and yelling at me for no good reason all because I was asleep at 7 or 8 at night because I had gotten no sleep since 7 or 8 the night before. Why would she just scream at me? I don’t understand why she treats me the way she does. Maybe I deserve it? I don’t know

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

I am sorry that you are going through this. Oftentimes people do not understand the exhaustion that comes with mental illness. OCD can be so stressful and you need rest for sure. Is she open to learning more about OCD and what your struggles are? Have you looked into any of our support groups, maybe she could even sit in on one to help educate her about this? Not having enough sleep can definitely make things worse. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/3-ways-to-overcome-the-impact-ocd-has-on-sleep

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve asked her to look into it and to even talk to my therapist and she had an attitude and said she already knows about it that it’s not going to change anything so I gave up. Some days she’s understanding most days she’s not and it hurts because I just wish I could have my moms support and she just doesn’t seem to care

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much though I truly appreciate it

Username: 26212621

Date posted: 2y ago

You absolutely do not deserve to be treated that way. You’re in a really difficult situation trying to juggle work, Mom’s expectations, ocd and the guilt that comes from all three. Whatever your Mom’s issues are that make her behave the way she does aren’t your responsibility. You deserve to be treated with respect and care. Difficult to do, but try not to take her behaviour towards you personally. It’s about a lot more than you and you are not the cause of it.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much I appreciate it. I just feel so alone. She’s the only person who knows everything going on with me and it feels like I don’t even have her to go to anymore because she puts me down sometimes. I have a therapist but I can’t really talk to them much either most of the time. I feel so alone and lost and scared

Username: 26212621

Date posted: 2y ago

If you’re not comfortable with your therapist you need to get another. You should be able to share anything. You still probably won’t feel totally comfortable because when we’re sharing and at our most vulnerable, it can be nerve wracking. But feeling self conscious and being able to trust your therapist anyway is vital. The good ones give you enough confidence to push on and tell everything.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m able to talk to my therapist I just can’t talk to her anytime I need to because it’s message only until I have sessions and I it’s easier for me to just talk it out than type all the time that’s what I meant by that. I have an awesome therapist it’s just being able to talk at the time I’m in distress that’s rough

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Now my mom is saying I screamed at her first and I don’t remember screaming first. I swear she started the argument and now she’s twisting it on me why would I just scream for no reason? I feel like she’s guilt tripping me. I can’t do this anymore 😭

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

I had to stay home from work today because even though I was exhausted I got 1 hour of sleep. I work 7 days a week between 2 jobs and I finally said today I need a mental day. I am lonelier than ever and have lost friends over the past few years or just lost touch. My best friend ever stopped speaking with me after a group tour of the UK a few years ago and now someone that was our mutual friend is best friends with her and brushes me off. I tried to reach out to my ex friend and make peace but no answer. She has many friends now and a boyfriend. I realize I had some drunk nights that make people not want to hang out with me but I was up last night feeling complete rejection to the fullest and horrible about myself. At rock bottom I have no one. On top of that I was just in a toxic relationship while living abroad and he turned out to be a chronic cheater and married with 2 kids. I have one friend who speaks to me from LA from time to time but as for here in New York I barely got anyone left and bad memories. I can’t be afraid of not going to sleep every night because of thoughts or depression. My period is due any day which doesn’t help. I was just crying so much last night. I’ve never felt so alone. I just feel like a horrible human being that no one wants to be around and I try to make it right.

"Pure" OCD

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I need help

My niece was having an attitude with me and I told her to stop having an attitude my mom defended her and snapped at me when my niece was in the wrong (she’s 11 and has a horrible attitude with me all the time) and I tried to defend myself and my mom threatened to pull over and slap me in my face and I said whatever to show I wasn’t afraid and then she said it again that she would slap me dead in the face and it’s not the only time she’s threatened me like that. She’s threatened to hit me many times before growing up. She also treats me like I’m nothing and shows no care for me whatsoever and makes me feel unloved and like a burden when it comes to my niece she’s perfect and gets whatever she wants and validation. I get threatened and yelled at. I’m 23 but I’m on vacation with them and I can’t escape. I’m now crying in the car trying to be quiet. I just really need help. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up because why should I even be here if my mom doesn’t care about me or love me. I don’t even know if this would even be considered abuse or not 💔

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t know what to do

I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free

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