Relationship OCD problems

I have gotten into a relationship some months ago now and i feel like my rocd gets worse the more i talk with my partner. she reassures me which i know is bad because it becomes a compulsion but i can’t stop talking about or asking questions. and the more i talk about it i feel her image of me is obstructed. i’m worried if she’s annoyed by the things i say. i say certain questions cuz my brain becomes skeptical if she’s being real with me because my ocd is telling me she doesn’t care about me like that. treating it as if it’s wrong to care so much and that I should back off. Using moral related ocd to make her a bad person or overanalyzing what i do and feeling guilty for it. There is guilt, rumination, and reassurance seeking. I beat myself down for even talking about it when I do because when it is verbalized it sounds stupid and my brain tells me she doesn’t think it’s as real of a problem as it is. I think about it constantly and get down about things when things are good because my brain is attacking me for being in a healthy relationship. Everything is good but then i ask questions, regret it later, and then start talking about how i have ruined it or messed the relationship up. the cycle continues but i can’t stop. My mood becomes all over the place because i start to remember and regret the things i say and just constantly think I make things worse the more i talk to her. I’m afraid how the effects will continue and how she will become tired with my OCD. I feel as if much of what i say is not what I truly think but rather just what OCD tells me to say. I then feel as if i’m over explaining or asking too many questions and then everything is ruined. I feel the need to do certain compulsions but the compulsions do not relieve anything because they are met with another. I have been dealing with OCD for 6 years now and this is different from what I have previously experienced with just primarily morality and ethical OCD Any thoughts on this to help?

Relationship OCD

thereishope:)

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y

I am sorry to hear what you're going through, and I would definitely consult your therapist first and foremost since they're the experts. However, I have been in a similar situation in the past where I was concerned about how the effect of OCD on my mood, behaviors, etc. was impacting my relationship. For me at least (and can't promise this is best for everyone), it was helpful to be up front with my partner about my struggles with OCD so they were at least knowledgeable of what I was going through. Secondly, I would have some compassion on yourself since OCD can be very frustrating, painful, and daunting to deal with. Not to mention - nobody is perfect (I am guessing your partner has some things that they similarly struggle with). Ultimately, I believe the best treatment for this case - like other themes of OCD - is to embrace uncertainty and expose yourself to your fears. Whether it's any physical or mental compulsion, including asking for reassurance from others, compulsions generally make OCD worse - and even though this theme of OCD is new to you - the basic treatment is the same. That means trying your best not to seek reassurance from your partner, accepting that something you did may OR may not have made them tired about your OCD, accepting you may OR may not have asked too many questions / over explained things, etc. and ULTIMATELY, not giving into compulsions will likely make you the true / happiest version of yourself in the end! Also, since it can be easy to give into compulsions, maybe leverage your care for your partner as motivation? For example saying something like "I want to be the true version of myself where OCD is not negatively impacting my life for both my and my partner's sake! Because I care for THEM, I will not ask for reassurance right now." Sometimes our care for others can compel us to do things we might not even do for the sake of ourselves! However, as I mentioned at the beginning - I would consult with your therapist first and foremost. This is not easy to deal with, and you're stronger than you realize! Good luck my friend - I am sure your partner is lucky to have you, even amidst OCD! Best of luck on the path to progress!

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 23w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

ellij

Date posted: 10w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

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Relationship OCD problems

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