- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey, I have these waves of panic too and feeling like I shouldn’t lead on my boyfriend. But then I have moments of clarity and feel a lot of love towards him. I’m really struggling and am so confused too ( I also struggle with HOCD) but please believe me it’ll get better. If you choose to love this person and give them your time then that is love! Are you on medication? I’m confused as to whether mine is working or not ..
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I struggle with HOCD & ROCD. I hate the times I feel like I "NEED" to be alone and all this will go away. But the moments of clarity are the best even if its temporary, I know where my heart really stands. I wish my moment of clarity lasted longer.
- Date posted
- 3y
@eemmi I feel better when I’m on my own too, I think because I do actually miss my boyfriend but then when I’m with him I’m overanalysing and panicking! The moments of clarity are bliss but they’re so short. I remember a few weeks back I had one of a couple hours and I felt so excited and happy then by the evening it had gone and I was back to believing I was a lesbian and leading on my boyfriend! I hate OCD ❤️🩹
- Date posted
- 3y
@Isss123 Hey, I’m not on medication and I’m not with a therapist as it’s too expensive so I’m trying CBT online courses and workbooks to help! I started with HOCD recently too and the worry that I’m a lesbian and leading on my boyfriend feels very very real. If I truly was a lesbian and I truly didn’t love my boyfriend then surely I wouldn’t have had that day the other week when I felt in love for nearly the whole day? I’d been having more and more in love moments until a couple of weeks ago when HOCD really started to take hold which is so sad. I wish the loving moments lasted longer too, like you I could be feeling good for a few hours and then all of a sudden I’m back in the negative headspace
- Date posted
- 3y
@EM77 Can you recommend any workbooks??? I really don’t know what else to do at this point. I am on medication but it’s making me feel so numb which is reinforcing my thoughts that I don’t love my boyfriend. I don’t have therapy either, so expensive 💔 It feels so real to me too I don’t understand how even though I’ve never fancied a girl I honestly believe I could be a lesbian. I haven’t got a desire to be with a girl but somehow my brain makes me think I do and that id prefer women to men, only I haven’t experienced it or I’m just in denial. I find the female form sexy and that’s what sticks in my head it goes round and round in loops and then I’m convinced. But it’s nice to know we’re not alone. I hope you’re doing ok ❤️🩹
- Date posted
- 3y
@Isss123 https://www.rocdtreatment.com/ I found this today which seems promising. It’s not a workbook but it’s online. The Mindfullness Workbook for OCD is supposed to be good but I haven’t got round to ordering it yet. That was my fear with medication and one reason why I haven’t gone for that yet 😕 Same here! I’ve never ever had a crush on a girl like I’ve crushed on a guy. I’ve had crushes on boys since I was very young but always found girls aesthetically attractive. I think the female form is sexy too but I’ve never expressed an interest in having a relationship with a woman. But yeah my brain tells me I’m in denial and if I stay with my boyfriend and get married we’ll one day divorce because I’ll figure out I am actually a lesbian or something. I could accept being bisexual but not lesbian as that just doesn’t align with my experiences both recently and over the course of my life. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing but it’s reassuring to know someone experiences the same thoughts!
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey i wouldn’t break it off if you’re stuck in this mind set just yet, i understand it feels like you’re drowning. Take a minute to relax and try and focus on the present :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I really don’t want to break it off, I really don’t, but sometimes it feels like the right thing to do? Other anxiety themes didn’t bother me as much as this one because they just concerned myself, like health, but because this involves another person’s life it’s tearing my apart and I just want him to lead the best and most fulfilled life
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My bf and I just broke up and I haven’t felt this sort of heartbreak in a very long time. I’m crying all the time and can barely get out of bed. Idek what to do with myself and I’m terrified I’m going to relapse because of all the added stress. I think us breaking up was the right decision but it hurts so fucking bad idek what i should do anymore. I’m not normally the emotional type when it comes to situations like this either. Any advice?
- Date posted
- 14w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 14w
Everyday I wake up and start searching for reason to breakup with my partner. I feel utterly confused by relationships and dating. Not to mention, I’m autistic and this has always been a huge struggle for me. In fact, it led me to both diagnoses of ASD and OCD. I can see there are some things I am not happy with in my current relationship and I understand that, but when does it become too much? I started having limerence over a random person because my brain just wants an out so fast. I told myself that I wouldn’t until I get proper help (medication, constant erp therapy etc). Every time I think about breaking up I start sobbing and my body vehemently rejects it. Its really confusing and disorienting for me and cant trust a damn thought in me. I’m scared that I’m just taking him along for the ride and potentially will severely fuck him up emotionally because of this. I guess thats where I can feel the OCD. My fear of being a bad person and the people around me being bad people. I dont know if I need advice because I think this may be me searching for a compulsion to do. But I just want to get this out of my system. I have severe Disney-like unrealistic expectations sometimes. I had to maladaptive daydream all the time growing up to get out of my traumatic upbringing and brain (tbh). I still do. I am aware of that and try to put myself into check. I just cant stop comparing my friends own beautiful relationships to my own. Most of them are in the “engagement” stage of their relationships. Even though it’s ridiculous, all of them have worked on it for many years at this point.
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