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bebesrecovery

Date posted: 6y

Feeling a bit low at the moment. I’ve had quite a lot of highs like I used a public toilet and wiped whilst there was children around which I would never have been able to do or even write and admit through fear of thoughts and anxiety. Ive been using the works toilets. Ive not been doing as many rituals or as often. I’ve been going out a lot more, been seeing someone etc. But I went out yesterday with a friend and she drove us back and her daughter’s pants were on the front seat floor where I had to sit and I was trying not to look and think about the worry of it so I don’t know if my boots touched them and now I’m worried the boots have contaminated my place. This person I’ve been seeing has also kind of admitted that they’re not over their ex but not in a way that they want to stop seeing me. But I’ve decided to step back because I’ve been with someone before hung up on their ex and had my heart shattered and I don’t want to risk my happiness by going through that again. But I now feel really down and like I’m never good enough for anyone like my ex wanted this other girl. This guy is still wanting this other girl. And I’m kinda just someone people settle for in hope of getting over those girls. It’s then triggering thoughts that I’m not good enough for friends as I’m never my friends first choice, none of them really message me first. Or I’m not good enough for my family as they never really compliment or say they’re proud of me because they don’t agree with my mental health. I guess I’m dwelling on it all and letting it get me down because one thing has caused me to be down and now I’m in a spiral. But it’s hard sometimes to try and always be positive. I have moments where I think fuck other people I should be proud of myself for living in my own place, holding down a full time job which I’m now at the highest qualification for. I’m in therapy and progressing and yeah I’m not always having great days and I’m not 100% but I’m better than I was. But then one slight ocd knock back yesterday and I feel like I’ve not progressed and then one knock back in my social life and I’m in a depressive spiral. I know I’ll be okay and I’ll get there but it’s hard not being able to get it out, so I’m thankful for this app. So I can get it out. Have a bit of a cry. Listen to some empowering Lizzo and get back on my feet ?

Contamination OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 6y

just because you had a bad day doesn’t reverse all of the progress you’ve already made, just think about how far you have come

bebesrecovery

Date posted: 6y

@shhh thank you hunny, I’ve done so well lately so I’m holding on to that and it’s helping to cheer me up! Hope you’re well

bebesrecovery

Date posted: 6y

@Ariel1 thank you so much! I needed to hear that! It really helped to let it all out on here. I’ve been kicking ocds butt a lot lately so little setbacks do frustrate me and put me down but I just got to keep on ass kicking! Hope you’re well x

Ariel1

Date posted: 6y

I hope writing that out felt better and I can relate with your depressive spiral, it's something I'm sure many people go through but just never admit it or try to surpress it. Sounds like you're being strong as it is with your OCD and progressing so why involve ex gf's and bf's into the mix? I think the only thing important is how awesome you're doing for YOU, not anyone else. I think we forget to give ourselves credit sometimes with OCD since it's such a bully but you deserve it! Hang in there and try not to dwell on material social constructs.

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