When I tell myself I don’t love my partner it doesn’t give me relief… I’ve been worried for a long time that it has been me this entire time…. I really had moments where I knew I love him and those moments weren’t too long ago… when I don’t obsess or search for feelings I am great! But when I do I am miserable and it causes an argument between me and my partner. I just wanna be happy with who I am again and not constantly miserable.. whenever I hunk about breaking up I cry…… do I just not wanna face facts that my relationship is over… or did I seriously convince myself I don’t love him due to my obsessive behavior… 😞

Does anyone else worry and obsess over whether they desire companionship w their partner or if they actually love them? This is a fairly new obsession for me and before this I was so sure and willing to move toward, but now with this I’m feeling like this is my truth.. that I just want companionship with him and I’m not actually in love with him :( and this hurts man I don’t want just companionship I want him for him and I want to grow with him and have a deep meaningful relationship but the feelings ocd gives me feels like that’s a lie and I don’t actually love him deeply, but it’s so weird because I don’t experience that feeling of knowing deep down that it’s true the way I do with soocd. With soocd now I know deep down being with a woman isn’t what I want, and I don’t feel that certainty now with feeling like I don’t love my bf, but it feels like there’s no other option and all this trouble I’m going through to be happy with him is proof I don’t love him

I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔

I think I’ve officially lost it today. I have completely convinced myself that I’m not actually in love with my partner. That I’m only with him for comfort. I struggle with trying to “feel” love. In past relationships where I’m sure I didn’t actually love them I idolized a version of them, it was an intense all consuming passion. With my boyfriend now it’s not like that and I think my obsession is also keeping it away. I met him on a blind date. It wasn’t until our 3rd date and first kiss did I feel something and even during the dating I was obsessing if he was going to be good to me or not. At not one point during our relationship was I ever at peace or simply enjoying it. I feel something guilty about this. He has flaws and I amplified them as proof we are not right for each other. I hyper fixate on feeling of past relationships and if I feel for him those feelings. He is a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve this, I’m scared of working on myself too because what if I get better and then “yep I still feel the same” then I’d have to leave him and that also sucks. My hurt on leaving him is the only thing keeping me tethered honestly because the thought of him being out there in the world and I not being able to talk with him kills me. I don’t know what love is anymore or what I’m supposed to feel. I’m so ashamed of myself, I’m crying in the bathroom stall at work feeling like I need to break up with him because it’s the right thing to do.