Advice needed

My boyfriend feels like I'm not invested like he is. My parents are a barrier to my relationship and he says I act like it doesn't affect me at all. He says I don't worry about seeing him, or about being with him or anything like that. And the truth is I don't but it's because I'm comfortable hiding away as to not anger my parents, specifically my father. I always want to do things but I never seem to have the energy to get past my fears. I feel like I'm using ROCD as an excuse because I don't have the abilities to get clinically diagnosed. I've had many, many symptoms that relate to what it is described as very strongly but I just feel like I'm trying to make false narratives in my head to justify my lack of interest in my relationship. I want to be there for him and want to feel invested and in love and everything. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's like it's all in my head some days.

Relationship OCD

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

I was in the same boat when I was 19, my boyfriend (still my current boyfriend at 21) lived on his own meanwhile I still lived with my parents. It was a huge barrier, but I had to start standing up for myself and start building my own life without my parents. Which is super hard, but they'll get over it. I moved out and now I'm happier then ever, besides all my OCD problems that is but I keep them at bay to the best of my abilities. Just stay strong, you got this!

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

What kind of obsessions have you had?

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

@Sero82 I had pretty much every theme that you can think of. I had HOCD, TOCD (transOCD its not as common), HarmOCD, ReligiousOCD, and relationshipOCD. RelationshipOCD is my main theme now, I'm really struggling with it now that I'm in a long term relationship. But really the only thing I can tell you is OCD goes after the things you care about most and turns them against you, which I know it sounds awful but the best thing you can do is accept that the thoughts may or may not be true. Once you stop acknowledging them and treating them like a threat they will slowly dwindle away with time, occasionally come back for a few days at a time but at that point you will know how to handle them. I have episodes here and there, but it's usually around when my menstrual cycle starts up.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

@tinyTROLL13 It gets better with time I promise, if you do ERP. I did it on my own, I would highly suggest having therapy if you can afford too cause doing it on your own is hard. I made do though, I was just so tired of the OCD after having it for over 4 years. I hit my breaking point and I made a decision to take my life back. I still have OCD but now it just co-exists with me instead of it completely having control of my own brain.

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

@tinyTROLL13 That fact of accepting that it may or it may not be true scares me because I feel like my doing that I'm proving that I'm accepting its true and genuinely don't like my boyfriend.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

@Sero82 I totally get it, I felt the same way. I still do feel that way but I know the only way to get through it is to accept the possibilities and move on. It's alot easier said then done, trust me I know... it's really the only way to get a good hold on OCD. It's only gonna continue to eat you up if you don't treat it, but eventually you'll hit a breaking point. Speaking from experience. I try to help people with this getting help before the breaking point and I know it's super scary but I promise you, recovery is worth it!

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

@tinyTROLL13 I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's been getting increasingly difficult. I'm not sure how it has been for you, but personally, throughout the entirety of my relationship I have really struggled with emotional intimacy, connection, and presence, and it has honestly made things exponentially worse. Currently, I've entered an even worse form of that state of being and it's led me to this self destructive attitude of just ending my behavior and letting it go to ruin. I'm not understanding myself, my feelings, and it has been so tiring to try to find the energy within myself to fight as you do.

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

@tinyTROLL13 Sorry, I meant ending my relationship**

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

I would definitely think about sitting down with your boyfriend and just explain how you've been feeling. But make sure to tell him no reassurance, just have him listen to you while you talk. I know it's scary, but just keep it in mind.

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much for the advice :)

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

@Sero82 No problem, just take it slow.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

In situations like these it's hard to stay optimistic, especially if you struggle with emotional intimacy. Maybe have a sit down with your boyfriend explain how you have been feeling, but be sure you aren't looking for reassurance. After about 1 year of dating I had a sit down with my boyfriend and explained my OCD to him and he handled it amazingly. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you two been dating?

Sero82

Date posted: 3y

We've been together 3 years. It's been a real struggle but I didn't really notice any issues of OCD till later on but as I've recalled back upon the beginning, it's like viewing it in a new light now that I'm more aware.

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