ROCD & self worth & accountability

Hi Kristiane! Sorry to hear this! Breakups are sooo painful so I fully understand that this time may be difficult. OCD can absolutely take a toll on relationships, unfortunately (I know from experience). And yes, I think it's great that you really want to commit to recovery, not for your ex but for you! Because you're wholly deserving of enjoying your relationship without OCD trying to ruin it, which OCD loves to do. OCD attaches to the things we value the most and it's likely that you really valued and loved your partner so that's why OCD was like "No, you don't get to enjoy this." It's natural, after a breakup, to to feel low about yourself and OCD adds an extra layer to that. But, I think committing to recovery is the best thing. Personally, I never would have come so far in recovery while in a relationship. I made a lot more progress while I was single and it's because I was able to make myself a priority. I'm not saying that people in a relationship can't recover, but I do think it's easier when you only have to focus on you. And I feel this way about anyone who is struggling with their mental health whether it's OCD or some other mental illness. Whenever I feel down about myself, I write out a list of all of the things that I value and love about myself. Two separate lists: things I value and things I like about myself. Whenever i need a reminder, I re-read it. I also ask my loved ones what they like about me sometimes and that helps. The other thing that helped me a lot was joining a peer support for people with OCD. This group was specifically about self love. You can check out those peer support groups on OCD Peers.com and sign up. They do cost money by the way but are super helpful. So, yeah, while you'll need to heal from this breakup, the goal is to really commit to your own recovery so that you can fully enjoy yourself and others. It's possible that you and your ex may reconnect one day, I think second chances are a beautiful thing, but it's always better to be your best self too and now you have the time to do that. Once you commit to recovery, you'll be better for you or anyone else in your life. Your ex may need to discover and heal themselves too! But now, keep the focus on YOU, ERP is tough but it does help! I wish you the best, you got this :)

Awe thanks for your heartfelt answer. I am struggling to have the mutually true notions that I need to do this for myself, and that I want to do it for us (me and my ex). I am trying to compartmentalize my hope (which is mine.. he's given me no real promise), and proceed as though it isn't there. But, I also want to honor that doing recovery and being able to have this relationship would be for me too. I find I'm getting stuck on this, and I want to heal for the *right* reasons. However, my therapist also told me it's normal that I am doing this for myself and the relationship.. as we exist as relational beings. I feel like I'm spiraling a bit, I go through so many waves of sadness and missing him, despair at my condition etc. But I know that if I put in the work, I can feel the results and I don't want to live this way anymore. Ocd has ruined so many relationships for me, not just romantic. I feel like I don't really connect to people because of the wall of ocd, and I am a person who wants deep commitment and emotional bonding. I know that being single is the way to go right now... but in my mind I'm like.. but we will reconcile.... *I hope*

.... and then I Google how to get your ex back. So.. I think I really do need to learn to compartmentalize the hope. It's there and it's real, and I think having it is brave and can even fuel motivation. But, I'm trying to take it with a grain of salt and that is hard!