ocd sneaking back into relationship

Sometimes when i’m with my girlfriend, whether we’re being intimate or just hanging out, i’ll have awful or inappropriate thoughts just coming in and out of my head. sometimes i can get distracted and end up entertaining them in the back of my mind before i snap myself out of it. they don’t cause me too much anxiety in the moment because i’m more focused on being with my girlfriend, but afterwords i think back and feel guilty about the stuff going through my head while i’m with her. My girlfriend is a POC, which makes my most recent and new theme of racial and racism ocd even more inappropriate and upsetting. Looking for tips on how not let this negatively effect my relationship, as my ocd was a major part in the ending/ruining of my last relationship. the main problem i’m having right now is not wanting such thoughts to be floating around my head and to combat the guilt i feel thinking about how mortified and ashamed i’d be if my girlfriend or anyone heard my thoughts.

"Pure" OCD

thereishope:)

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y

I am sorry to hear what you're going through, and I can relate as someone who has tried their best to mitigate (and often worried about) the impact of OCD in my relationshipS. I would consult an expert like a therapist first and foremost, but I imagine they would encourage you (like with other forms of OCD) to embrace acceptance, expose yourself to your fears without compulsing / ruminating, and live the life you value despite the intrusive thoughts (and their associated guilt). Ultimately, this may look like recognizing the thoughts are there and even the guilt is there, but treating them as what they are (purely thoughts and feelings) by saying something like "I am having the thought that X, which is causing me guilt" and continuing to live your life as normal. Another tactic may be to do a written exposure and write out your intrusive thoughts in detail, and then without compulsing, say them out loud repeatedly to get practice accepting the thoughts without necessarily trying to push them away. Lastly, and this likely does not work for everyone (but has for me), you may want to "get mad at the OCD." One thing that helps me when I really want to compulse in order to relieve the guilt and stop the intrusive thoughts from bothering me is saying to myself something like "OCD is challenging me to give in and control my life. Well challenge accepted - bring it on! I have too much talent to waste and love to offer my friends, girlfriend, and family to let OCD get in the way of my true potential. And I'll prove it by not compulsing but living my best life!" I remember hearing something like Michael Jordan could even use someone saying he had a "good game" to motivate himself to do better because they didn't say "great" game - and that's a similar tactic here - you are basically taking what OCD says and essentially gaining motivation by saying "screw you - I can prove I can do better!" This tactic also helps pull me out of a fearful / victim mind state I can have when I feel bombarded by OCD and helpless in the struggle, and shifts my thinking to be more "fight" instead of "flight". Anyway, I would once again consult a therapist since they're the experts - but hopefully some of these tactics can be of help. It is BY NO MEANS EASY, but it is due to that very fact that you have demonstrated perseverance, toughness, and a resolve to succeed already! Godspeed my friend, you're stronger than you think and support is always here at NOCD!

Canes12345!

Date posted: 24w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

Anonymous2212

Date posted: 23w

False Memory/ ROCD

I am diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and mild depression. But my OCD symptoms are so prominent in my daily life where it feels debilitating. It comes in waves, there will be months with very minor symptoms and other times where it comes in random hitting me like a truck making me rethink life. I grew up having intrusive thoughts of all types, and a lot of them sent me over the edge because I couldn’t understand why things of such sort would cross my mind, things that I’m sure to this day that I’m incapable of or would never want to actually do. Yet I find myself in a constant cycle of trying to dig deep in the past and trying to figure out if I ever acted on any of the intrusive thoughts I can remember, yet ofc have no recollection of acting on them because they most likely didn’t happen. However, not having concrete proof of these things makes me not want to see another day sometimes. It is so hard to move into daily basis like this. I’m also in a happy healthy relationship and sometimes I get these thoughts of “what if I’ve done something awful during the relationship (for example, cheat, dishonesty, etc.) and can’t remember?” I know I would never do anything intentionally to harm my relationship and I think that maybe the idea of not having my partner sends me down a rabbit hole to think all these things. This mental fight is getting harder and harder. It feels unbearable. Does anyone have some fruit for thought, relate, or have any tips?

helpme1234

Date posted: 17w

relationship ocd

my relationship ocd theme is back and it hasn’t for a while. i keep having intrusive thoughts about a friend even tho i have a boyfriend of 6 years. i like do not like this person they are good looking but im not like into them. i like feel guilty for no reason and i feel like i need to tell my boyfriend even tho like we’ve been through this before and it only gets better if i tell him but if i don’t i feel like im hiding something. AHH like i don’t even wanna see that person anymore

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ocd sneaking back into relationship

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