- Date posted
- 3y
Ocd moral scrupulously
I have dealt with this once last year, and I wasn’t diagnosed yet. I ended up confessing to my boyfriend I slept with a friend of ours. The anxiety was so bad and I told him cuz the guilt ate me up. We got through that. Fast forward to now, almost a year and a half later, I feel absolutely intense guilt for not telling him the truth when he asked if there was more stuff I did. I said there wasn’t. But there was. We had a very rocky past and so I didn’t tell him out of fear he’d leave me and also because he did so much stuff and I only knew from snooping or he would’ve never told me. I have been trying my usual ERP but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I been trying to sit with it, but it’s been a month of sitting with it & I maybe had one week where I didn’t feel bad about it. When I’m with him the thoughts aren’t there but when I leave, I just wanna die cuz I feel like the worst. I want to talk to him more about my ocd and this theme so he can get a better understanding. It’s the only time I lied to him and haven’t done so since. It was the past but now I just feel awful & like he doesn’t even know who’s dating like he should just leave me even tho that isn’t what I want. I wish I could just tell him everything and we could get through it together because if it was him telling me stuff I’d hear him out and it wouldn’t change how I feel to him. But I know he isn’t the same. It would affect him. We already broke up because I kept messing up snooping and now I just feel like I have one more strike & im out.