I’m Brandon, 33 years old and at the age of 8 my mother left me. I found her at the age of 16 and she left me again. At the age of 22 I had my first seizure. On average I get 1 seizure every 8 months to a year. My entire world Paco passed away, family dog and even though it’s been close to 2 years, I still miss and cry over him.
I'm sorry you went through this
Is this depression?
@Brandon1988 What do you mean?
@Zoë_84 How I’m feeling even after 1 1/2 years of losing Paco, my mother leaving me, seizures causing depression?
@Brandon1988 I'm not a therapist, therefore I try to not "diagnose" people. I'd suggest you see a therapist to get diagnosed and they can tell you about the best treatment. ☺️
@Zoë_84 I definitely will because I think that is what will help. I left a couple voicemails for a couple counselors on Friday. I should hear back tomorrow
@Brandon1988 That's great! I know reaching out to therapists is hard, but getting a diagnosis is the first step. I'm proud of you! ☺️
@Zoë_84 Thank you so much <3
@Brandon1988 You are welcome. Let me know how it went.
@Zoë_84 Thank you so much and if you ever want to privately talk , you can just message me
@Brandon1988 Thanks... but there is no private messaging option on this app
Brandon, I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. It is hard to be rejected and add the loss of Paco , it must be really overwhelming. I am not a mental health professional, but as a fellow ocd companion, I can only imagine how difficult it is. It is okay to cry about losing Paco as grief is not linear. It is a process. Be kind to yourself.
I truly appreciate that. I do. The seizure I get on average once a year doesn’t help at all. I sometimes don’t want to be on earth anymore.
@Brandon1988 Are you in treatment for your ocd and depression ?
@Jeffrey I see a primary Doctor Who has diagnosed me with anxiety. I have a neurologist because of the one seizure I have on average once a year and every single time before a seizure I get a stomach pain. So along with all of that I am going to start seeing a G.I. specialist starting within August
@Brandon1988 Is it possible for you to get a referral to an OCD specialty.
@Jeffrey I definitely will.
@Brandon1988 That would be my suggestion. And you are not alone and although I haven’t had the same story as you I want you to know that this community is great support. You can do this and we are here for you.
Its difficult to get over passing away of pets. Death is part of life and not in our hands. Just feel greatful and cherish the memories of having lived with a lovely dog . You had a great pet, Paco would be missing you too. Hoping great things for you, buddy.
Thank you so much. I have anxiety issues and I just don’t know how to handle them. I do take Lexapro.
@Brandon1988 Hope the meds are helping you out. I do have anxiety issues but not on meds and haven't consulted any therapist. Feeling of losing, distrust with self and low self esteem has wrecked hevoc with mentally. Seems like I can't do much other than letting go of things.Letting things take its own course and not expecting seems to be the only way to get out of this.
@SprinklingWater I have a hard time letting things go.
@Brandon1988 Me, too. I totally life in the past. My best friend cut me out 11 years ago, but I still morn his loss. My favourite cat died 19 years ago and I sometimes still cry over her loss. I even have a hard time to let things go, cuddly toys as a child, cars later on and movie house is really distressing me, everything feels like a loss...
@Zoë_84 I am just like it. And it sucks because I don’t want to be sad.
@Brandon1988 Same, my live meanwhile feels like a collection of failures and losses... And with OCD it feels like I can't find anything new to "fill the gaps"... Friendship and love had been the most important things in life for me, now it seems that they are gone and I won't be able to ever find them again...
In which country do you live?
I’m in U.S. How about for you?
@Brandon1988 Germany
@Zoë_84 Let’s definitely keep in touch.
@Brandon1988 Yes, I'm here regularly and I follow you on here (not in the creepy way, of course.)
I'm sorry you have experienced these things.
TRIGGER WARNING Made on Sunday: So, my brother just came home today from a 4 month stay because he had gone manic and made some major threats. He had attacked someone too…. So, I was super anxious. He seems to be alright, but I’m still worried that he’ll hurt my parents or pets, and that I’ll snap if he does. Maybe I’m overthinking it?? I just don’t wanna go into a rage episode and hurt him, because he is my baby brother. *sigh* Since I was anxious earlier, I kept passing out repeatedly and started seizing afterwards. I’m just exhausted and sad and feel bad because I get scared and frustrated and tell my fiancé to break up with me. I know he won’t I’m just scared I’ll hurt everyone around me unintentionally. I’m tired of being in constant pain, I’m tired of the constant emotional rollercoasters, I’m tired of not being able to do or help with pretty much anything; I’m just tired. I don’t mean to bring anyone down, I just needed to vent. And I’m sorry I’m not on here all the time, I have a very strict schedule. And that’s another thing!! I feel so helpless because I can’t do anything. Mom gets frustrated because I refuse to do things or have to do them later and I wish she could just understand. I am doing my damndest to even stand up. I have so much vertigo (dizziness) from the pain I’m in and it really takes a toll. I want to help, to do extra like I used to. But I keep falling and the pain becomes unbearable. The pain meds aren’t working and so that’s gone out the window. I guess it just hurts because she gives me that look like I’m supposed to know what’s going on. I know she’s stressed with having to do everything, taking care of my brother, and her insane workload, so I’m giving her some slack, but it’s still hard. I wish she new how bad I work just to live my life.
TW My brother came home 4 days ago (I think) from a hospital stay of just over 3 months. In the hospital, he attacked one of the staff and almost k*lled her, in his dysphoric mania. Now he's out of mania, but I'm scared that he'll harm or try to k*ll our pets and/or my mom and dad. Since he's been home, my OCD has flared up badly, and I've started to have panic attacks (leading to seizures and fainting), destroying my lips, and having overstimulation over every little physical sensation. My joint pain is becoming unbearable and the medications aren't working, I may have an autoimmune disorder that could destroy my organs (Lupus), I'm frustrated because walking feels like hell, I keep falling, I keep getting dizzy and seeing stars and I'm just so tired. I can't sleep since my brother came home. Yes, I close my door at night, but I'm still terrified that he will hurt my cat. I've started to hate anything that I've touched with my hands cuz I don't wanna get stuff on my face and I hate the feeling. Yesterday I kept obsessing over whether or not I was cheating, if any of my memories are real, obsessing over if everything is perfect or perfectly in place, and over everything my brother does. I've become paranoid over everything and I'm so tired. Thank you for listening.
I’m a dog walker. I connect with dogs 5 days a week. I get very attached to my clients and their spirits. I see dogs as spirit guides and beautiful, loving animals. This week, I have lost a fur friend with whom I grew a strong bond with. All I can say is that death is sudden and I didn’t get much info about the incident. Just a few texts. I felt like John Wick when he lost his puppy, his little ball of sunshine, during dark times. I’ve been struggling to accept this dog’s death. I cried. Wrote in my journal. Tried to rest and clean. Sadly, I can’t stop thinking about what happened. I keep thinking about how I will never get to see him ever again. Signs of spring are here but I can’t enjoy them because I’m preoccupied with ruminating what could’ve possibly happened to him. I keep thinking how this sweet boy won’t be able to sit in the sun with me or smell the new flowers that are blooming. I get pissed because a week ago I saw him and everything was all fine and dandy. Life was good. Now, I’ll even search online as if I can seek answers to tell me what happened. I know I’m grieving. I just want this to be a bad joke. 😞
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