- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes please
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m okay, but struggling quite a lot with ROCD.. I can totally relate with you on the part that the harder you try, the more difficult/impossible it seems. I feel like all my thoughts abd feelings are clouded by ROCD and I can’t tell what are my thoughts and what’s the ROCD… which is scary because I love my partner so much, but the ROCD is making me question everything to the point where I’m convinced that I don’t love them/am only using them etc. You’re not alone with feeling this way 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for relating to me and letting me know I’m not alone, we really have to try and stick to our guts here ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Me too… it’s hell. Happy to talk too :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi how are you
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel exactly the same way. I’ve always struggled a lot with sexual intimacy, it’s the most challenging thing in the world for me to be able to put my fears aside and be vulnerable. It’s caused sexual anxiety which means I’ve always struggled to fully enjoy those intimate moments but now with my ocd theme latching onto sexual attraction, it’s all become one giant compulsion. Now I don’t feel anything and it feels like I never did. I know I did in the beginning and when my boyfriend visited last September but it’s all muted under a blanket of anxiety. The most aroused I’ve ever been has been with my partner yet my mind tries to convince me he’s not enough when he’s all I want.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Uhh the power and hold that OCD has sometimes really is insane. When your own thoughts and the obsessions and compulsions all get mixed up it’s like a giant fear cocktail 🍹🥲 I read somewhere that focusing on the physical feelings in the moment can help, but for me things like gut feelings and instincts also feel like they’ve been ‘hijacked’ by the ROCD, because whatever the situation, my gut feeling is always to run.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Lulu 🌸 It’s the worst cocktail I’ve ever had personally 🥲 Rocd hijacks my intuition too and makes everything feel like a reality. I know you can’t choose who you’re attracted to but I really wish I was attracted to my boyfriend because I want to be so badly but it feels like I’m not and I never was but I really want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@PinkLotus It’s so hard to feel this way. I feel the same as you’ve described, but instead of physical attraction, for me it’s the idea of romantic attraction/falling in love etc. Like, something feels different, why did my feelings change, why can’t I feel that “in love” feeling I felt at the start. I don’t know if this helps, but sometimes I try to remind myself that I am the one that can make a choice. Sometimes it feels like everything is out of my control, but at the end of the day, we can take steps to regain that control. Sometimes I feel empowered by that thought. It may be a long road to healing but just by being here and talking about it, we’re on the right track. 💪✨
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.
- Date posted
- 19w
I am struggling so much with ROCD symptoms, and lately everything feels more and more real, like I am finally “realizing” that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore. When I think about him, about him speaking kindly to me, or about being with him — I feel no warmth inside me, no happiness, no calm. This makes me panic, and I start thinking that maybe this is the truth, that I don’t love him anymore or never did. It feels like my mind is connecting everything to “prove” I don’t love him — I even struggle now to remember good moments with him or any time when I felt love. When I am in his arms, instead of comfort, I feel anxious and disconnected. When he says sexual things, I feel disgust or nothing. I also had a really hard moment with my mom yesterday — I told her I don’t feel love anymore, and she told me that I am lying to myself, that I am hurting both him and myself. I keep hearing her words in my mind now. On top of this, someone on NOCD told me to focus on traits I admire about him, but when I try, nothing comes to mind and this scares me even more — like maybe I never truly loved him, I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend. I know I have read a lot about ROCD, I know about ERP, I know I should “let the feelings be there” and not fight them. But even though I know this, I feel so stuck, hopeless, and burned out. The thoughts feel so real now — like I have a gut feeling that I don’t love him anymore, that I’ve changed, and I’m just forcing myself. I am also afraid that deep down, maybe I don’t want to love him anymore, I just want to feel “normal” again — and this terrifies me. Lately I feel like everything feels more and more real — like the thoughts and this horrible feeling are the truth that I was denying all along. Now I feel almost numb, like I have accepted this horrible idea and I can’t connect to my emotions any I feel desperate. I don’t know what is real anymore. Please, if anyone can relate or give some guidance, I would be very grateful. 💔 (edited)
- Date posted
- 18w
I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond