- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes please
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m okay, but struggling quite a lot with ROCD.. I can totally relate with you on the part that the harder you try, the more difficult/impossible it seems. I feel like all my thoughts abd feelings are clouded by ROCD and I can’t tell what are my thoughts and what’s the ROCD… which is scary because I love my partner so much, but the ROCD is making me question everything to the point where I’m convinced that I don’t love them/am only using them etc. You’re not alone with feeling this way 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for relating to me and letting me know I’m not alone, we really have to try and stick to our guts here ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Me too… it’s hell. Happy to talk too :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi how are you
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel exactly the same way. I’ve always struggled a lot with sexual intimacy, it’s the most challenging thing in the world for me to be able to put my fears aside and be vulnerable. It’s caused sexual anxiety which means I’ve always struggled to fully enjoy those intimate moments but now with my ocd theme latching onto sexual attraction, it’s all become one giant compulsion. Now I don’t feel anything and it feels like I never did. I know I did in the beginning and when my boyfriend visited last September but it’s all muted under a blanket of anxiety. The most aroused I’ve ever been has been with my partner yet my mind tries to convince me he’s not enough when he’s all I want.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Uhh the power and hold that OCD has sometimes really is insane. When your own thoughts and the obsessions and compulsions all get mixed up it’s like a giant fear cocktail 🍹🥲 I read somewhere that focusing on the physical feelings in the moment can help, but for me things like gut feelings and instincts also feel like they’ve been ‘hijacked’ by the ROCD, because whatever the situation, my gut feeling is always to run.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Lulu 🌸 It’s the worst cocktail I’ve ever had personally 🥲 Rocd hijacks my intuition too and makes everything feel like a reality. I know you can’t choose who you’re attracted to but I really wish I was attracted to my boyfriend because I want to be so badly but it feels like I’m not and I never was but I really want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@PinkLotus It’s so hard to feel this way. I feel the same as you’ve described, but instead of physical attraction, for me it’s the idea of romantic attraction/falling in love etc. Like, something feels different, why did my feelings change, why can’t I feel that “in love” feeling I felt at the start. I don’t know if this helps, but sometimes I try to remind myself that I am the one that can make a choice. Sometimes it feels like everything is out of my control, but at the end of the day, we can take steps to regain that control. Sometimes I feel empowered by that thought. It may be a long road to healing but just by being here and talking about it, we’re on the right track. 💪✨
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
My boyfriend just poured his heart out to me. He told me how much pain he’s in — how disconnected he feels from me, how hurt he is that we’re not intimate, that I don’t react to his love, that we don’t feel like a couple anymore. He said things that should’ve broken my heart… but I felt nothing. Nothing. And now I’m terrified. Not just scared — destroyed by the thought that maybe I really don’t love him, and I’ve just been lying to myself this entire time. I keep thinking: “If I loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?” “Why didn’t I cry? Why didn’t I reach for him? Why didn’t I say ‘I’m sorry’?” “What kind of person listens to someone they care about and feels absolutely nothing?” I feel like I’ve been fighting this for so long — like I’ve spent months, maybe even years, battling the same thoughts over and over again: “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “You want to want him — but you don’t.” And what makes it worse is that everyone around me says the same thing: “Maybe you’re forcing it.” “You can’t control how you feel.” “If you’re this confused, that means something.” But what no one seems to understand is that I’ve tried so hard. I didn’t want this. I didn’t choose to become cold. I didn’t choose to stop feeling things. I didn’t want to lose my ability to love — or to connect — or to just exist next to him without questioning every single breath I take. I feel like I’ve become someone else. Someone who doesn’t react. Someone who doesn’t smile when he’s kind. Someone who doesn’t feel warmth when he says “I love you.” But this isn’t who I was. There was a time when I loved hearing his voice. When I looked forward to seeing him. When I felt. And now… nothing. Just this endless cycle of doubt, guilt, numbness, fear, and the horrible thought: “If it feels this real, maybe it is.” I don’t know what this is anymore. I feel like I’m hurting him. And I feel like I’m losing myself, too. And the most terrifying part? I don’t feel anything about that either. But if I truly didn’t care — why does this hurt so much? If anyone else has ever felt like this… please, please tell me I’m not alone. I don’t want this to be the truth. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this.
- Date posted
- 18w
I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.
- Date posted
- 16w
I am struggling so much with ROCD symptoms, and lately everything feels more and more real, like I am finally “realizing” that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore. When I think about him, about him speaking kindly to me, or about being with him — I feel no warmth inside me, no happiness, no calm. This makes me panic, and I start thinking that maybe this is the truth, that I don’t love him anymore or never did. It feels like my mind is connecting everything to “prove” I don’t love him — I even struggle now to remember good moments with him or any time when I felt love. When I am in his arms, instead of comfort, I feel anxious and disconnected. When he says sexual things, I feel disgust or nothing. I also had a really hard moment with my mom yesterday — I told her I don’t feel love anymore, and she told me that I am lying to myself, that I am hurting both him and myself. I keep hearing her words in my mind now. On top of this, someone on NOCD told me to focus on traits I admire about him, but when I try, nothing comes to mind and this scares me even more — like maybe I never truly loved him, I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend. I know I have read a lot about ROCD, I know about ERP, I know I should “let the feelings be there” and not fight them. But even though I know this, I feel so stuck, hopeless, and burned out. The thoughts feel so real now — like I have a gut feeling that I don’t love him anymore, that I’ve changed, and I’m just forcing myself. I am also afraid that deep down, maybe I don’t want to love him anymore, I just want to feel “normal” again — and this terrifies me. Lately I feel like everything feels more and more real — like the thoughts and this horrible feeling are the truth that I was denying all along. Now I feel almost numb, like I have accepted this horrible idea and I can’t connect to my emotions any I feel desperate. I don’t know what is real anymore. Please, if anyone can relate or give some guidance, I would be very grateful. 💔 (edited)
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